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I don't understand what she is doing?


Nick_t
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Can anyone help?

 

My gf split up with me 4 weeks ago. Although after 2 weeks we said we would be friends forever, the last 9 days have been NC for me, as she has been away for the last week 1/2. I have played it very cool, concentrated on myself, and she txt me twice but I chose not to reply. She got back on Wednesday, however is working where I work today, as she works where I do 3 days a week.

 

This is what I don't get?

I bumped into her at lunch, she said I looked very slim, I thanked her and looked and felt really happy, acted happy, acted as if I had been getting on with my life. I asked her about her trip and she said how good it was and I laughed with her. She asked if I thought she had put on a bit of weight, and said be honest, so I said yeah a tad. Then she asked if I had lunch yet, so I said and I was just about to go, she asked me to wait for her. She also asked if I got her txt, so I said yes but was busy to reply.

 

I said I was popping home for 2 mins and will be back in a bit and she said ok, when I got back she was gone, I got a txt saying gone home, fancy running tonight? To which I replied can't tonight, have a nice lunch.

 

I was reading outside work and she came back from her lunch and sat next to me and we started talking again about her trip, and I just listened and laughed with her, being fun to be around. She asked me what I had been doing, and I was saying how much of a good time I had been having. We walked back to work, and she asked if I was going down to Brighton tonight, I said yes. I knew she was thinking of going down too this weekend, but I had made plans for tonight.

 

She said I knew you would go tonight just to spite me (in a joking way), so I said no i've just made plans for tonight and tomorrow, you know been back the last couple of weeks and gone out with everyone, met up with other people etc. She had a look of concern on her face. She then said if she did go down to Brighton with her friend this weekend would I be able to give them a lift back up on Sunday, to which the convo went like this:

 

me should be fine (little hesitation)

her: we will give u money for petrol (a little cross)

me: no its not that, just let me know what ur doing and should be fine

her: actually don't worry about it, it was a stupid question (storming off)

me: what are u doing? Why u storming off? (quizzed)

her: well, you

me: what do you mean me?

her: just you, and your answer

me: fine (walked off)

 

Got back to my office and she wrote a message on MSN, saying 'sorry bout that, but maybe you should just say no or yes... cos you did offer before and now i feel like ive asked a really absurd question'

 

I replied 'no worries, its not an absurd question, the only reason I didn't say yes or no is because the offer is still there, but I've made plans for the weekend, and wasn't sure what yours were, thats why I said should be fine, just let me know what ur up to and hopefully we can sort something out and save u 2 some money'

 

All I did was play it cool after NC for 9 days, and now we are back to LC, I looked good, showed her I was having fun and doing my own thing.

 

So why did she react this way??? If she wanted nothing to do with me why was she so pleased to see me when she did, asked me to go to lunch, then go home, then come back and chat, get angry because i said she had put on a bit of weight, then angry because I didn't say yes straight away to the lift.

 

Any ideas?

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I personally think that she was just hoping to have her boyfriend except without the commitment when she split up with you. In other words, she wanted you to be at her beckoned call just as you may have been, treat her like the princess you always did, etc. She is probably frustrated that you're not doing those things.

 

She'll either get over it and be your friend, or come around and want to be with you again (if you take her back) but either way I think YOU are completely on the right track.

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Thanks Jayar,

 

That does make sense, and it really means a lot to hear you say I'm on the right track.

 

Since my reply on MSN, she replied:

 

'that will be cool thanks...me and Sharn (her friend) don't have plans on Sunday so it is your call... me and Sharn will just do whatever...'

 

I didn't reply, and will do exactly that, leave work without saying goodbye and go and have fun, not acknowledge her until Sunday afternoon.

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Right now you're in a zone which involves a lot of game playing and reading into hiddent intentions. I used to give this kind of advice in the past, but it's only a temporary patch at best. Even if you are able to "regain her interest" by this emotional warefare, the relationship will fail soon after that anyways because the old problems creep up again. See it happen all the time and it only gives you false hope by thinking you're making progress in getting back together while she's out there in the process of finding someone else and once she does, you are out of her life for good.

 

So what's left to do? Remember I left you that advice before? About having a very upfront and direct conversation telling her how you feel and that you want her back. It doesn't matter what you think her answer would be, you need to get a final answer for your own sanity. Then you can go NC with no doubts if she declines.

 

What you are doing will not work to get her back.

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Thanks Shelly and thanks heloladies,

 

The thing is i'm not really intentionally trying to win her back. Although I do miss her, love her, this today just proved to me how off the wall she can be! I hesitated about a lift, rather than saying straight away yeah ofcourse you can, not a problem and she didn't like it. She has realised I'm not there anymore, and she also didn't like the fact I looked so happy and content.

 

If she did come back, then that is when i would take a big step back and think is this what I really want! But the thing is, I don't think she will, even if she wanted to because she is very stubborn, and that will also proove to me is she worth it?

 

I do remember that advice, many thanks, and I did talk to her about it, and I got the answer I needed. She wanted time to herself and be her own person so i'm trying my very best not to dwell on that i do my own thing and move on. She saw this in me today, especially I took my chance for NC, and did it until I was forced into seeing her. And when I did I played it very cool and was myself.

 

I'm not trying to play games, but I feel this is still a game to her. Thats why I posted this thread, what she did today in a matter of an hour I just didn't understand at all, especially as she broke it off with me.

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