I called...

[Gracelove]

I called.

I called Ariel. The girl that's an accessory to my rape.

I told her exactly what I thought of her, before hanging up on her face.

Then I called the school that my rapist attends/attended.

I told them he raped me and gave them his name.

And now...I'm emotionally exhausted.

I was emotionally exhausted yesterday as well.

I feel like crying.

I feel like crying. Another low.

I hate the lows, there is absolutely nothing that makes them go away, nothing that make them better, you just have to deal with them.

And my head hurts.

I feel awful.

I don't know what to do!

Ahhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why is rape so horrible?! Why does it have to be so bad?!

Isn't it enough that you went through the rape? Why do you have to go through so much crap afterwards????

[ElektraHere]

Why did you feel the need to confront Ariel and his school? Did that offer anything positive to you? Or did it end up opening up the wounds again?

 

Have you talked to your therapist about this today? I would think he or she would advise you doing these things. Its counterproductive to you and your recovery.

[melrich]

I agree. These are not things you should be doing at all. Particularly calling his school, that sort of thing could well open the door for him to take legal action against you.

 

You should really make sure you do not do this sort of thing again.

[Gracelove]

I'm so exhausted.

My therapist totally backed me up on calling Ariel.

If I could detail each and every single thing she has done....it's unbelieveble that someone could be so cold-hearted and cruel.

I don't have any regards for her feelings what-so-ever.

She wasn't the one that was raped.

She deserves what's coming to her.

In regards to calling his school, that's no biggy.

I had called months ago to speak to security, that's what I did again. Only this time I had intentions of making a report with them as well.

I'm just so tired.

But I'm proud of myself. I won't be a silent victim any longer.

Don't get me wrong though, I'm human.

I still hurt, I still feel vunerable..still sad.

But I'm doing what I can.

He's going to do it again.

I don't want anyone else to suffer like this.

My therapist is more than certain he will eventually being killing his victims.

I mean, that's so horrible.

I want everybody to know who he is.

I mean, not somebody else...that's how I feel...not somebody else. I don't want anyone else to have to feel this way.

I couldn't protect myself, and that really hurts.

But maybe I could help somebody else.

[nottoogreen]

Hi Grace,

 

Turning into terminatrix?

 

It's great you fight, but I would not not have contacted them, rather silently focus on finding other victims instead or helping rape-victims.

 

 

[Gracelove]

That's a good idea, I think I got a little too emotional.

But I've spoken with the detective I gave the report to and he said he'll handle it for me.

I don't know. I don't know why I get this way sometimes.

I need to focus on more pleasant things, but sometimes I just feel so sad.

Sometimes I just want to fight back. I feel so weak and stupid for being raped sometimes.

I feel like he may not have prayed on me if he didn't view me as being weakling.

I just keep thinking that I should have been able to spot that pervert from a mile away.

When I was younger, there was this girl I knew (she was a friend of a friend. I saw her from time to time.

And one time I saw her with her father.

And I was fairly young but there was something I didn't like about him and their interaction.

In my mind he was a bad guy and I didn't want to be around him.

It turns out (we found out years later) that he was molesting her.

I wasn't at all surprised.

I didn't want to spend the night at their house when I was younger, and I couldn't stand being around her father.

So I feel horrible that I couldn't pick up the bad vibes coming off of the man who raped me.

Something must have been wrong with me to not be able to know.

I can't explain why I didn't know.

[nottoogreen]

No problem, we follow and respect your thinking, you are always welcome to seek advice.

 

Depression leads to easy-attachment issues.

 

You could not protect yourself at that time because you were depressed and J. understands enough psychology to manipulate you. Today, it would not work of course.

 

Your past depression was not your fault either, it's our modern superficial society which caused it. It's hard to survive, one ought to be as gentle as an angel, as rational as a computer and as tough as terminator.

 

There are lots of pleasant things in this world. What would you like to study and what interests would you like to develop?

[Gracelove]

I would really like to study Spanish. I'm interested in foreign language.

 

Thanks for always being here for me Nottoogreen.

 

I always look for your response to my posts.

 

I'm hoping things will turn out okay. I feel so sad today.

And it scares me because I can't stop the sadness, I don't know how to control it.

 

I'm really scared.

 

I don't know what to do.

 

My birthday is coming up soon. I'm hoping to do the whole "new me" thing.

 

I don't want to feel old any more.

 

I want to have a happy life. I want to forget my problems.

 

I want to feel strong, really strong, and safe.

 

I don't want to cry on my birthday, hopefully things will be okay.

P.S. I'll be 23 year old!

[snowgirl]

For what it's worth, I am the sort of person who needs to confront the person I am angry with face to face, so I would have done just what you did, calling Ariel. I understand why your therapist backed you on that. I think it's extremely important to your healing process.

You will have a happy life, and you will feel strong again. I promise. You are doing all the right things. This will pay off, sweetie. Just don't squash your feelings or try to pretend it didn't happen. You are strong, and you will be juuuuust fine.

[Gracelove]

Hey There snowgirl!

 

How are you doing? I hope all is well with you.

 

Thank you for your support as always.

I have no intention of contacting Ariel again, but she deserved to hear how I felt.

 

She needs to know that she can't keep doing this to girls, and that her actions have not gone unnoticed.

 

It was a little exhausting but I needed to be heard.

 

I guess the exhausting part was realizing who she really was. I needed to let her know that I know who she is, and that I am so disappointed.

That if she continues to get girls for that rapist, all of those girls' lives will be on her hands.

 

I just wanted to inform her that she won't get away with it.

 

And I'm angry. I'm angry that someone could be so good at hurting others. I can't believe it!

She's like the plague.

How could she do that to people? How?

 

Simply because she might be jealous, or because she wants attention from the rapist, or she wants him to set her up on dates with other men!

 

I mean what could possibly justify her behavior, ya know.

 

I can't believe it! And I want answers.

But I guess I already have them.

 

My therapist believes she's not together, mentally.

 

How could Ariel be so cold? I just want to shake her! Wake up! You can't keep feeding girls to a rapist because you have a few insecurity issues!!!

 

And she's a liar!!! She had to lie to get me in a position where he could rape me. She lied to me on several different occasions!

 

And then when I told her how I felt after being drugged, she purposely dismissed me!!!

 

All of the times we've had alcohol together. She knows how I act. She knew what was going on, and she didn't care.

 

She knew what he was going to do and she didn't care!!!

Then she........

 

I can't even get it out...all of the stuff that she did.

 

She went above and beyond to break me, to protect him. From the very beginning.

 

After I sat in her car with my world having just fallen apart.

 

She did everything she could to keep me silent. Keep me quiet.

She even offered to buy me things! Can you believe it?!

Like she could buy me off!

 

She's such a !!!!!

 

And then she kept tabs on me, she was monitoring me the whole time!!!

 

I feel so betrayed!

How could someone do that?! Knowing that I was a good friend to her, knowing that I trusted her!

How could she be so evil.

 

And the to do it again! To another girl!!!! I mean, what does she do?! Make friends with girls she really doesn't like and then send them his way?

 

She's so manipulative and twisted!!!!

 

You know how you just have moments of clarity all of a sudden? And all of the puzzle pieces finally come together.

All of those things that you really knew all along.

All of those things.....

 

They just all came together!

All at once.

 

Every single move she made I can now see.

They were there all along but for some reason I couldn't put it together.

 

The whole time she was monitoring me for him!!!

 

Asking me questions about how I would take action, trying to make me think it was all a misunderstanding, just everything!!!

 

I could sit down right now, and write out all of her steps!

 

And why, why didn't I SEE it then.

 

I knew she was insensere about, "checking up on me" as she called it.

The whole time she was keeping tabs on me and trying to shut me up!!!

 

And I couldn't understand why it alway seemed that she was attacking me.

 

I couldn't understand all of the things she was doing. They made me realllllly uncomfortable. That's why I stopped wanting to talk to her.

 

But I see it now, thank you Jesus.

 

I must see, although it hurts, I feel slightly relieved. I understand it all now.

I grateful for moments of clarity.

 

And it was in my mind, you know.

I kept tabs and notes of all of the things she was doing, and I just couldn't put it together, LOL.

 

Now I've got it.

 

I can actually say with confidence that she's evil.

[candy604]

she deserves to burn in hell.

[Fallout]

wow.,.I didn't know all the details of your drug rape grace..that guy having a female accomplice is pretty unbelievable I'm glad unlike most you are doing something about it, they should be stopped at all costs imo...are you well financially ? If so maybe you should consider hiring a detective to follow her/them around and get some video evidence to send them to jail