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Can't Cry


Gecko
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I haven't cried for months now. I feel a need to, but my body just doesn't want to do it. I almost want to cry. But the feelings just stay inside me, like a constant burning, mellowing pain. One half of me feels empty while the other is half-crying. It's very strange and sometimes frustrating.

 

Does anyone have tips on how to deal with this?

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Maybe there are other effective ways for you to get the emotion out- like writing a poem, keeping a journal, etc. Crying isn't the only way to release emotion. If you can't get yourself to shed a tear then crying may not be the way that works best for you.

 

BellaDonna

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I encountered this same issue. And then I watched a movie that unleashed all my withheld tears: "March of the Penguins."

 

Don't laugh! This movie is incredibly poignant, the cinematography is breathtaking, and the music is so haunting, wistful, and beautiful...all these factors just somehow were a catalyst for me to start sobbing my heart out. It was a very cathartic release of emotion. The scene where the two penguins affectionately nestle their faces against each other is what did it for me, for some reason.

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A sad movie is actually a great suggestion.

 

I think movies can help bring out tears because if you have any pride about crying, it's much easier to attribute tears to the "plot of the movie" than it is to cry about your own life. It's almost like a defense mechanism, the movie helps you safely mask the real reason you may feel sad and want to cry, making it easier to cry. You still get the release....

 

I've never been much of a cryer but there are a few movies that will send me over the edge (especially if I'm having a bad day):

 

The NoteBook

 

The Bridges of Madison County

 

Terms of Endearment

 

City of Angels

 

 

It's worth trying out some movies.

 

BellaDonna

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Not everyone is a crier (I can't say that for myself!). I know for example my boyfriend is not really a crier....though he has done so very, very, very rarely, his way of expressing hurt or sadness is more solemn and introverted - he internalizes things a bit more or focuses his attentions to other things. And sometimes...your body just does not want to cry anymore as it needs more "action" than crying. Crying is a release, but not a solution..and maybe you are looking more for a solution?

 

Writing in a journal (or even using the journal forums here is a great option!), painting/drawing, listening to music, getting into the fresh air (even if it is to scream because life just seems too much sometimes!) are all good ways to put your feelings into perspective and also to express your feelings.

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Hey I am not much of a crier myself and I know how you feel. I remember being at my grandfathers funeral when I was 17 and not being able to shed a tear. I felt embarrassed that I was not able to shed a tear but, a few days later I broke down.

 

Everyone has a different coping method and you need to find yours. I found while I was hurting from my last long term relationship that this site was my release. Oh boy did I let go on here in the past and it helped me get thru a really dark and depressing time. If you feel like crying you may want to find out why you feel this way. Life is way too short to feel like a walking useless person all the time. I know thats how I spend most of my days and night feeling sorry for myself. I still have not conquered that problem yet but, I AM WORKING ON IT!

 

What I am saying is you need to find out what the source of the pain is from and try to compensate for it. You need to be able to move past this if you want to be happy. Remember that everyday we wake up is a blessing in disguise. We all have a short time on this planet and it is a shame for anyone to go around being depressed and hurt.

 

Have you ever thought about seeing a therapist? Maybe you need to talk to someone outside your life that can give you perspective into your issues.

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I forgot to add this to the list, probably because it is highly embarrassing:

 

The Lion King

 

 

If we are reaching back, I'll go a little farther back and say watch Bambi, Gecko if ask me who Bambi is, I'll cry!

 

Many times I have found that a lack of an ability to emote is due to extreme exhaustion or a persons inability to allow themselves permission to cry. Does crying ever make you feel weak or guilty? Crying is a very healthy way to empty out your cache, cookies and temp. files, just like your computer. We collect things in our emotional databank that we really no longer need!

 

Give yourself permission to just let it all hang out. If that doesn't work, try laughter, it's ironic that the two emotions are so opposite but so close. A good laugh can change or reverse your emotions altogether!

 

RC

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Not everyone is a crier (I can't say that for myself!). I know for example my boyfriend is not really a crier....though he has done so very, very, very rarely, his way of expressing hurt or sadness is more solemn and introverted

 

I'm glad to know it's not exactly unnatural to be like this, if you're just that type of person who's a little more introverted. (and I am)

 

You need to find out what the source of the pain is from and try to compensate for it. You need to be able to move past this if you want to be happy.

 

Yeah I've been exploring this through a couple of other topics/posts I made here on the forums. This is by far the longest and most comprehensive that I've posted, though I've been changing constantly since that time two months ago (so what is said in there might not apply now):

 

 

 

I've been seeing a therapist since March. I only see him every other week though. And though he's a good guy and seems to understand a lot, it's hard for a person like me to accept that he's paid to listen to me, which means he could never be an honest friend.

 

Many times I have found that a lack of an ability to emote is due to extreme exhaustion or a persons inability to allow themselves permission to cry. Does crying ever make you feel weak or guilty?

 

Hm, well I do feel uncomfortable/awkward crying with other people around, even if they're family or close friends.

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Hi Gecko. I am glad you are seeing a therapist. Just because your therapist is paid does not mean he does not care about your well-being. Keep in mind that therapists need to eat too! Look at it this way, he likes helping people so he decided to put his talents to good practical use and make a living out of it. At least he is doing work that is meaningful, right?

 

Which reminds me, what are your talents? What do you feel you do best? Although you can't cry, it is clear to me that you are a good writer and very expressive, I think you also mentioned you also like working with computers. Are you thinking about life after high school and do you have a transition plan in place?

 

Sometimes depression makes it hard to be happy about the future. If you like to read, here is something that might be of interest to you which you can get for free:

 

 

Depression and Disability: A Practical Guide

by Dr. Karla Thompson

NC Office on Disability & Health

UNC-CH

CB# 8185

Chapel Hill, NC 27599-8185

For a free copy, call 919-966-2932 or email: odhpubs@mail.fpg.unc.edu. Copies may be downloaded from the NCODH web site in pdf or html formats: link removed

 

I hope this helps,

 

BellaDonna

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Just because your therapist is paid does not mean he does not care about your well-being. Keep in mind that therapists need to eat too! Look at it this way, he likes helping people so he decided to put his talents to good practical use and make a living out of it. At least he is doing work that is meaningful, right?

 

Very true. I used to see the most wonderful therapist. My insurance kept delaying payments to her, she did not receive payment for six months at one point (I finally had to screech like a banshee to the insurance company to get them all the ball). I know this woman truly cared about my healing, or she would have cancelled our sessions after a month, rather than wait that long to get paid.

 

Most folks that go into the therapy/counseling fields genuinely want to help people.

 

Look at it like this, if you went to a medical doctor, would you grumble to yourself, "They only made an appointment with me because they want money"? It wouldn't even occur to you to ask, because, like most people, you're glad that there are trained professionals out there to heal our physical ailments.

 

Same thing with "doctors of the heart, mind, and spirit." Our wellbeing in those areas is just as important - more so, if you really think about it.

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Most folks that go into the therapy/counseling fields genuinely want to help people.

 

Yes, I know that. I know this guy cares about me. He wants me to be happy. But I could never make a real, untainted connection to this person. Because he's forced himself within the boundaries of society. But that's really discussion for another topic.

 

I think you also mentioned you also like working with computers. Are you thinking about life after high school and do you have a transition plan in place?

 

I don't really want to work with computers anymore after all that I've changed in the past year... if I were forced to get a job, I would want the one that would let me go the most places/do the widest variety of things.

 

I don't have a transition plan in place yet but we've requested one from the school.

 

Thanks for the guide. I'll be sure to give it a gander.

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