Girlfriend has a drinking problem? HELP!

[monty44]

gggggggggggggggggggg

[NJRon]

I am afraid in this situation, Drinking is a deal breaker. You need to separate your love and caring for this person from the desire for a relationship with her.

 

It is obvious that you care greatly about her, but her drinking is affecting you also. You cannot make her change, only she can change. It seems that she spends a lot of time thinking and learning about her problem, but has not hit the stage of doing something about it.

 

When you make it clear where you stand, that she needs to decide between getting *real* help for her binge drinking, or being with you, you will learn whether she values alcohol more, or less, than you. She is able to make the choice and it is within your control to make that boundary.

 

I hope she comes aorund and gets the help that she needs. I also wish you the strength you need to look to yourself and what's right for you.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I agree with NJRon. Even if she does get help, know that this will be a lifelong issue. Even if she is able to stop, it will be an ongoing battle in her head and she may start again. She may be a wonderful woman in all other aspects, but being married to an alcoholic will slowly erode any feelings of love you have for her. If she refuses to get help, you need to walk away otherwise you are being an enabler.

[RayKay]

Yes, this is definitely a case where you really have to look at this objectively. And pay attention to her actions, not trust her words.

 

If she really could control it, she definitely would not get out of hand, she definitely would be able to drink one or two and be fine with that. She associates drinking WITH this losing control, which is a sign there is more to it than even she herself knows.

 

Of course, drinking alone, endangering yourself, denying your drinking habits..all these are signs there is a serious problem here.

 

Until she admits herself there is a problem though, there is little you can do about it. I would however if I was in your shoes be seriously considering whether I wanted to be with someone with an addiction, one that will affect you, her, a future family and your relationship.

 

First, I would definitely do an intervention of sorts on her, and basically tell her she has to make a choice between getting help and you being there to support her, or in NOT getting help and you starting the process of distancing yourself from her. She may not be getting help as right now in a sense she is enabled by those around her whom are not telling her bluntly that she has a serious problem.

 

Part of her denial may be because of her friends, but it seems to be she has a much bigger issue here. Sure, sometimes people go out, drink, have a good time, but it seems to me it has crossed that line. She is also at an age where this unhealthy dependence on alchohol is even more apparent (ie not under the guise of being a young college student living it up...).

[southerngirl]

Do they have an Alchoholics Annonymous near you? Most AA's offer support groups for those who have family or loved ones that are alchoholics...

 

Maybe you should check into it, it might be listed in your phone book. They can help you to help her. It sounds like you really love this girl... and too... from what you say, it sounds like she does have a problem.

 

Thing is she isnt going to change or get help unless she chooses to do it. Sometimes people have to really hit rock bottom before they will realise that they have a problem. I am not suggesting you just leave her like that, you obviously care about her and have been in her life for many years. But, a relationship should enrich your life, definitely not harm it.

 

Ask yourself, what is she doing for you lately, in turn... how are you enriching her life? Good Luck.

 

Personal - Im the daughter of an alchoholic. My father drank and drank so much that finally he had to learn to stop. He hasnt had a drink in close to 19 years and will never drink again. for him it is a daily battle, and I know he was in his late 30s when he finally gave all that up. He is very involved in his local AA and enjoys helping others to recover too. You really should check that out. If you have trouble coming up with it, PM me, maybe I can help you find your local AA (if your in the usa that is). Trust me, there is nothing to be afraid of for you to check into it, it may be the support you need and you may learn more about what drives her to do this..