I need help getting over someone I don't want to

[Nar2805]

Hey peoples, ive been reading a little bit on your site and you do wonders on helping people out so i would like to give it a try...

 

Im a senior in high school this year, last year my junior year started off lame but then i got to know a girl that i always had a physical crush on. And like an angel she was her personality was nearly perfect. We dated around six - seven months. Thats it, and I was hooked, I had fallen in love for the first time and seems like it will be the last. What happened was we started fighting alot cos i wanted to spend more time w/ her before she left to college (she was a senior). Then after a fight one day she said she was done with me, I thot she was just mad so the next day she invited me to a local fair w/ her friends and she was still tryin to hold hands and what not and it was unconfortable cus i knew we wernt dating. Not but a day later she claims she fell back in love with an old boyfriend I always feared and asked her reassurance about all the time. She was over me in2 days. its almost been 2 months now and I still cry constantly when I think of her, and I took her name out of my phone, and hid everything that reminds me of her, but I still dream litteraly everynight, and I cant hide from that, I tried hanging out with new girls and old friends, but she changed my life so much for better that I seriously need help from anyone @ this point. Im sure this is nothing compared to most ppl, but I need help on what to do... we still get along now. But we rarely ever talk. mostly cos I nearly cry everytime even on the net. I dont understand how I could have feelings like this for someone and just let them go tho. Please help me out ppl, please!

[Genesis]

I am sorry to hear that you feel so bad about the breakup.

 

I know that most couples do break up right before going away to college maybe this was for the best.

 

When you start school in the fall look for new friends to keep you busy.

 

My Freshman year in college was sad for me b/c I lost my bf to another girl at his school.

 

Their fling did not last but to this day we are still friends even though I would not want to date him ever again.

 

 

Good Luck go out and have fun!

[lipstick]

 

Sooner or later you will be fine.........

its just a matter of time.............

Senior year at school is the most fun out of all 4 years.....

You will forget her fast.............

luck

[doggyfizzle]

- Just don't give up trying to do what you really want to. Where there is love and insperation, i don't think you can go wrong.

[Nar2805]

you people are great thanks for the advice, ill stick around the forums it already makes me feel better

[reborn]

This is just my opinion, but I think that if you care so much for her you should let her know. It seems that you do but she may not be aware of it because you didn´t want to hold her hand that last time at the fair.

If you haven´t told her how you felt she may be thinking the same thing you are about her. Like she getting over you in 2 days so easily.

If I were you I would just be honest with her. Tell her why you acted that way. Tell her why you felt angry, afraid, resentful of her behavior, whatever you felt that led you to act that way. Tell her how bad you feel about this misunderstanding and that then tell her how much you care about her. I mean if you are constantly crying over this girl and can´t stop thinking of her I think you might as well give it a try. Maybe its not too late, maybe she feels the same. Who knows, i think it being how you feel that you should give it a try.

Most people in this forum will probably advice you to get over her and move on. But because she did wanna hold your hand that last time and it all seems like a big misunderstanding and you really like this girl, I would say why not. At the end it is your feelings and your life and your chance at love. No one and I mean no one can take from you the power of fighting for your happiness even for one last time.

However, you must have clear that she may not respond as you want to, to your feelings. Maybe she doesn´t feel the same way anymore or has really moved on. Think about it as what is more important to you. Sometimes it just makes us feel really better to just express our love to someone we deeply care for.

Look I am not some religious freak, but even in the Bible it says something like "it is better to show hate, than to hide love" I don´t know if I am quoting it perfectly but when I read that it really struck me. It must be there for a reason. So good luck to you and hope you are feeling much better real soon!

-Reborn

[Nar2805]

thanx reborn, you have some very strong words... but I have tried that, i cried to her and pleaded her to just understand, and she wouldnt hear of it. and anyman or woman knows when a guy cries to a girl about her heart thats damn nearly unconditional.. she still claims she couldnt trust my word. whats there to do, I would die for her, most ppl say no girl is worth a life, but god gave me my heart to love her. I teared up writing this and the last, and if she were watching me i doubt she would unhide feelings for me... I think i have to move on, not a molecule in my existence wants me to but.. I really don't know what to do..

[reborn]

Well Nar, that being the case then maybe it may be healthy just for your mental health at this point to move on. In moving on however you will not stop suffering. Grieve is a process that we must all go into. However you must stop feeding the love with hope. Just say to your self, she is not coming back we will not be back together and Imust accept it. Just keep telling your self that. Only when we get to this acceptance do we start to move on and start healing.

It is normal to be deppressed and get still have those loving feelings. don´t fight them. Just try to be more in the present moment. Try to be more away of the things outside of your mind than in your mind. Don´t think I have to forget her, sometimes that is an idea that anyone in love resists. However, try practicing to shift your attention to filling the space where you are at each moment and force yourself to do sports and go out. FORCE yourself. this will help you tons. YOu will be stronger each day.

I know exactly what you mean that not a molecule in your body wants that. But sometimes we really are left with no other choice. We only have control to change our feelings and our reactions to the actions of others. However we cannot control their feelings or actions.

I am very sorry you are suffering so much. So am I believe me. I love my guy but he no longer loves me, though he did very much before (which makes it more difficult. I always think of how sweety and who much in love he was with me before). I know it makes no difference. But know that other are going and know the pain you are going through now.

This is my second love. The first one I thought I would never get over. We where even telepathycally conected it seems. That is how close we were. And I did get over him. I can´t believe it. So you can get over your ex too. If I did it with my first love you can survive this too.

Maybe make your goal for now not to forget about her, but to heal. Love will take care of it self. And in time when you are stronger you may be in a position to help it along.

Good luck again.

-Reborn

[KymQ]

I have news for you, she never loved you or was seriousely attached to you. I know you don't want to believe that, no one ever does. The fact that she got over you in 2 days says it all. No amount of pleading or confessions of love will bring her back at this point. In fact she probably loses respect for you everytime you cry or beg for her forgiveness. I'm just being blunt with you because I went through this already and I know this type of girl. She doesn't attach herself to men who are so infatuated with her. It's unfortunate, but we long for the ones that don't long for us. After all, who is ever really attracted to someone who is too emotionally clingy or easily manipulated.

 

Advice:

 

This was your first love and it's the roughest one you will ever go through. I won't lie to you, it only gets worse before it gets better. Eventually time will help you forget but you will always be searching for a girl with her qualities. It's possible she might come back to you when she's lonely or has no one to turn to, but don't count on it. If she doesn't then your only chance of her noticing you again is if you act like you don't care. the less control she has over you the more attractive you will seem.

[bebcollege]

Hey . I feel what your going through man. And i'm sorta in the state your are cept a little farther along. And this was the 2nd girl I"ve falling in "love" with. And both times the relationship ended I felt the same way. The first girl I feel in love with was in high school. We went out for about a year and while are relationship wasn't that great as soon as we broke up I wanted her back. I wrote her emails and such but she had moved on. It took me almost a year to get over her. I even ended up hooking up with her on prom night which was about a year after we dated (and it sucked) and so eventually she left my mind and I realized we weren't that great together and there are tons of other girls out there. My second love which I broke up with about 4 months ago is still killing me. We were good friends for our first year in college and started dating are second year. We went out for about 8 months. And despite the fact that I know I will get over her it still hurts me. And like you I've asked for her to come back. But obviosly she has moved on. Anyways my point is it will get better AND that you DEFINENTLY will fall in love again. IN FACT the next time you fall in love it will be five times better then this time. So don't be afraid to cry and let it out. But try to enjoy life as well. And ya if you like working out I recommend it. It gets out mad stress.