Help!

[Gracelove]

I'm shaking...I'm tired, I'm exhausted, and I think I'm sexually frustrated.

 

Okay, maybe it has nothing to do with sexual frustration, I just want to get off, I think it would help.

 

But the problem is that I don't like to think about sex.

 

I just want it to happen.

 

I want my boyfriend and I to decide to have sex, make-out, and gradually get to it.

 

Maybe I need to go out and get a vibrator.

 

Or maybe I've just had to much caffiene.

 

I've only had one red bull today.

 

But do you know how is feels when you have wayyyyyyy to many red bulls or too much caffiene?

 

I don't know.

 

Maybe I'm just.... I don't even know what I am.

 

Why can't my boyfriend just have sex with me?!

 

I know I was raped, but I still want to feel attractive!

 

And he says he believes I'm attractive. And I know he's dead set on waiting until marriage, and that's honorable.

 

But I want him to at least make out with me.

And he does, but he stops. I guess because he gets worked up.

But that's okay I'm worked up to. Ahh!!!!!

 

What's wrong with me.

 

On one hand sex revolts me, on the other hand it makes me want to cry, and on another hand I really want it!

 

See how confusing and frustrating it all is?

 

And I love my boyfriend. He is the only man I have actually ever wanted to have sex with and I have to wait 3 years to get it!

 

This is driving me crazy!

 

Being raped is one thing, but then for your boyfriend not to want to have sex with you!!!! I mean, that's.....unthinkable.

 

If anyone should be better at holding out it should be me!

 

But he still holds out when I realllllllly want to.

 

Why can't we just get it on once, and then ask for forgiveness?!

 

He's not even a virgin!

 

And this is what makes me feel like a horrible person!!!

 

He's so good, and I'm so bad.

 

Why do I feel so bad for wanting sex? For the first time in my life I want it.

 

My boyfriend and I have had sex before, it was in the first month and we did it soooo many times, and after that...no more.

 

I understand, it hurt him to violate a principle of our religion.

 

After reading this, can anyone pinpoint my problem? I've having difficulty identifying it myself.

[nottoogreen]

Hi Grace,

 

I posted this in the mess thread.

... Sex is a tricky issue, for you and your bf. I was sometime going to suggest to make love because it's natural and makes you feel whole besides it is not fair that J. used your body and you can't even masturbate.

 

Could you sit down with your bf and discuss his feelings about the rape as well (he has to come to grips with it as well) and explain to him that you would feel happy if you could make love together. Also remember to have protection on hand. Give both of you time, be patient and persistent.

 

If you need more advice (also after you talk to him), please just ask.

[nottoogreen]

You are together with your bf since after the rape?

 

After one month he stopped having sex? For religion? I do not believe that!

 

When have you told him about the rape?

[Gracelove]

I met my boyfriend one week after the rape.

I told him about the rape after we had sex, but not right after.

Maybe a few days.

[ElektraHere]

Do you think that you may suffer from manic episodes? One moment you are down and depressed. The next you are going so fast you can't slow down?

Have you thought of therapy? You posts as of late are really all over the emotion board.

[nottoogreen]

Yeah your bf needs counseling about the rape too. He is afraid and uses religion as an excuse.

 

Do you see him often?

 

He does not have another girl?

[nottoogreen]

Elektra, she is in therapy. Awakening, Med's, caffeine, horny....

 

No problem.

[justpaisley]

I'm quite sure your boyfriend wants to have sex with you. Before my husband and I were married, I wanted SO badly to have sex with him, but more than that, I wanted to wait until we were married to do so. If he didn't want to have sex with you, he wouldn't be with you.

 

Maybe lay off the red bulls

[itsallgrand]

I'm told oral sex 'doesn't count' for some religious folks.

 

It is odd that there was sex, but now waiting for marriage. I think it is an excuse.

 

I agree with nottoogreen on this. Talk to the man. Things can get really complicated and he may be a bit scared/nervous about sex and making out with you bc of some of the stuff you are working on about the after effects of the rape. It's a difficult time for him too. I'm sure he still finds you a hot chica.

 

Yeah, caffeine can be a real byatch.