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Where do i go from here?


danman4968
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So i pretty much broke every rule and bit of advice i have set for myself and been given by everyone on enotalone. I talked to her...she said there is a very good chance she will want me later, but she is not ready to patch up our relationship, she just wants time...im going to give it to her. I dont want to pressure her, but at the same time i dont want to be sitting around waiting on her. I guess im wondering where to go now...she says shes led a couple people on, she wants to straighten out her life...i told her im here for her whenever and will be until she sleeps with the person she has been sleeping with lately, again.

 

She says she doesnt want to deal with all of this, that she is "immature", which made no sense to me why she would say that, and that shes got alot on her mind. I dont know what to say or do...any suggestions? I cant move on knowing theres a chance, even the slightest chance she will or does want me. She told me she doesnt want me to move on because she loves and misses me but she just doesnt want to deal with our relationship problems right now. Even if i wanted to move on i couldnt, so what do i do?

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I cant move on knowing theres a chance, even the slightest chance she will or does want me.

 

Oh bro, I know exactly how you feel...

 

The answer I'm sure you will get will be to "move on". And I surely agree with this, but how you get there is just as important...

 

For me, when I was in similar situations with women stringing me along like this woman is doing to you, thinking completely of herself in the matter and not taking responsibility for her actions, I would exhaust myself in a chase trying to get her back. In doing so, for some strange reason, clarity would come to me and I would find conviction in the decision to let it go.

 

And that conviction that was beaten into my head and heart went a long way to getting over it. Had I not felt I did absolutely everything humanly possible to reconcile, as illogical as my intentions may have been, they helped me get over the situation faster and more completely essentially replacing an empty, broken heart with a tired but convinced heart that this thing really was done. It was like I had to let my heart rest and heal because I emptied it out in such a way that it couldn't do anything but that...

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You do yourself a disservice by falling for her lies and your tactic of waiting around in the background until she's ready is going to backfire and leave you broken. I've seen this happen hundreds of times and it hasn't worked out once. At the very best it leads to a temporary get back together, but everything breaks down again shortly after.

 

You need to demand an immediate answer from her and it's either a yes or a no, and anything other than a yes counts as a no. Ask her "Do you want to get back together with me right now?" And take her actions as her final answer.

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Even if i wanted to move on i couldnt, so what do i do?

 

you tellin us, you are not in control of your life.

 

Mate take a break, give your relationship a hard look again, do you think everything is going normal for you and your ex. She has lots of issues to work through. You can't help her by being there cause its her issues and only she can help herself. Give her the space and move on from here.

 

Be bold and take the right step....movin on is the right direction.

 

Stay strong.

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NO CONTACT, yep, that is the ONLY way to heal or have a possibility of getting back together, you don't need to "declare your no contact" to her, just simply start today, do not contact her in any way for today.. one day at a time... she's NOT ready to have YOU in her life as a couple so let go, be in acceptance, even if you don't like it, and it's causing you great heartache, you will survive, so for today have the dignity and self respect to go "no contact".... you can do it, just for today.... no contact is a "win-win" in this situation...

 

At times the most difficult part of a break up is to do "NOTHING' but it's usually the BEST choice.. for now your emotions are soaring, you are not thinking clearly, you have to follow all your "feelings" through with the "facts" and you'll see how many of them don't "match up"... this is going to be tough for you, it hurts like hell to let go, but like most things in life the right thing to do is usually the hardest....

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First you need to accept that being her friend or hanging around in the background won't bring her back to you. Once you've done this, then you need to have a talk with her where you tell her that you either want a relationship with her or nothing at all. You have to truly believe this, or else you'll go back on it. Then you ask her "Do you want to get back together with me right now?" If she gives you any other answer besides a yes, she is not interested in you and you then tell her not to contact you unless she's interested in getting back together with you. Then the conversation is done. If she tries to contact you after this, you can NC till you feel strong enough to confront her, and then if she comes to you with anything other than wanting to get back together, you restate your position and move on.

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As much as the thought of it makes you want to vomit, if you want any chance of getting back together in the future you have to let her do her thing now. That includes sleeping with whomever she wants. Don''t contact her! Work on making yourself happy because in a few months when she sees you're happy and thriving without her a little light will go off in her head and she'll start to wonder about you again. Yes it's reverse psychology but it's how we're wired! So don't beg, grovel, seem needy or distraught. Make every contact with her from now on FUN! Before you know it you will be the fun, interesting guy and you can watch whatever loser she's with at the time cry like a baby when she leaves him for you.

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To try and "not think about her" is impossible and will not work. What you focus on becomes bigger.

 

It seems you have exhausted your attempts at winning her back, so with no contact, I don't think you will feel guilty by not trying your hardest at the relationship.

 

You will not feel like doing what I'm about to suggest. But in my opinion, I say get up, get dressed and then go out and live life literally. Go out with people you have been meaning to get together with, maybe friends/family, do a good deed by visiting somebody that needs it.... I know that sounds corny but it works. Again, you will not "feel" like doing this. That is normal but do it anyway. You have to literally "move" and continue "moving." These posts are a great way to help but don't get sucked into being stationary either.

 

You will make it! She wants the break, so give it to her. It proves you listen, which is what women want - to be heard. No contact will bring her back, just decide if that is in your best interest. I would not set up a meeting with her soon about what she wants right now. Keep the ball in your court. That is not being rude, it's what she asked for, but not really expecting to get....

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