Parents arnt always right!

[enigmaz_Barbie]

Ok, Im 20 in oct and my parents cant let go! I went out with my boyfriend last night (which my parents dont know anything about) and got home pretty late. Ive never ever had a curfew, my parents dont let me out often but when they do I dont have a specific time I have to be home by. Anyway, I got home the time I always get home when I go out and now my parents are annoyed with me! I dont get it, its not like I go out everyday!!!

 

I wanted to print of my uni stuff but my dad said no! WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THAT! I dont understand, they dont talk to me...and If I try and talk to them about it they always make me feel so small and they get me gulity and upset!

 

The other night my mum was feeling alittle depressed so I did my best to cheer her up, I was telling her how great she is etc...then she started telling me I spend money on junk! I dont spend money on junk, i have to save it up because my car keeps going on me and I need to get it repaired constantly... I think she said that becuase the other day I was so depressed I went out and brought a pair of skates and I went for a ride. I go everyday, it makes me feel better. Anyway, when she said Im dumb with money etc, I felt so small, I cried all night! Seriously I dont know what to do! It hurts and they cant see it.

 

Ive always been a good kid, Ive never complained about the ugly clothes my mum used to buy for me, even up until the age of 17.... its only recently Ive started wearing what I want, even then they say my bum looks big or whatever. I never got encouragment at school, I had to be a perfect A student, I remember once I was in year 3 my dad held me up to a wall and threatened me because I had afew Cs in my report

 

Ive never once complained about the way I get treated etc, Ive always been good to them. There have been times where we have argued because I wanted to get a point accross but they wouldnt accpt it.

 

Im so depressed when Im at home, I try and stay at uni as long as I can, I try to take my time coming home from either uni or work, I basically live in my room on my laptop.

 

I cant wait for the day I get married and move out. I would never treat my kids the way I was treated!

 

I know thay wnat the best for me, but there are other ways of showing they care without forcing me to get perfect marks and demanding way too much, no wonder I constantly have a headache and Im nearly always depressed and Im always thinking of taking some sort of drug, I nearly had a paracetamol (sp?) overdose

 

Can anyone help me?

[Relationship Coach]

Your parents house, your parents rules! I know that sucks but it's pretty much that way in most homes. I don't know your parents so it's really not for me to comment on how they treat you. It appears that they have very high standards set for you and maybe they are afraid they are losing their grip on you. If you can't afford to move out and live by your own rules, well you are going to have to make the best of what you have. Kill them with kindness and see if they lighten up a bit more. Are your parents having money issues that you know of?

 

RC

[Fallout]

I always thought "their house their rules" was a stupid argument, if you have a child and keep it it's their house too...and once that child is 20 I don't think they should ask for approval for going out that's ridiculous...the fact that they have power over you by owning a house doesn't make it right for them to hurt your feelings or be such control freaks...I don't think there's anything you can do except move out...maybe with your bf or a friend ? You can't change people like them

[Relationship Coach]

You don't have to agree or like it but it certainly sounds like that is the case here. Many places have different cultural values than you may accept or understand as normal for where you reside. I agree at the age of 20 or there about you should have more freedoms but you still should respect the rules if you reside there. Moving out is a great solution but I don't think that is viable here.

 

RC

[Fallout]

Sure RC, but rules are stuff like don't smoke in the house, don't wear the shoes in the house etc. stuff like that...telling a 20 year old when they can or can not go out is just controlling plus the other stuff she talks about that is pretty much emotional abuse...there are so many parents out there who think if they have a kid it's their right to beat it/abuse it/treat it however they like with the same type of argument "my kid (my house) my rules"

[RelaxByWater84]

I agree with RC. If you are living there then follow their rules. It really is easier on all parties if you follow the rules. Then when you do move out you can make your own rules. Its just one of those situations in life that you have to deal with. If you can get along with your parents you can get along with most of your roommates rules. One thing that does puzzle me about your parents is that they wouldn't let you print out your college stuff, my parents would have demanded that I did that.

[BBHFutureAllAmerican]

my dad sticks with RC no matter what as long as it's their house their rules they pay for the house the water the food on the table i have to sneak out and back in and i'm on the 2nd story of my house but luckily there's a tree right outside my window so it's good but you're just gonna have to follow their rules till your on your own (N)

[Relationship Coach]

And guess what BBH...when you get that full-ride athletic scholarship, it's once again the same. I faced the same thing growing up with a very strict and sometimes very drunk father and I did my time and then off to college on a football scholarship and living in a nice frat house! Guess what....more rules, required meetings, required curfews, required workouts and required grades. You know what, today I'm a better person. Being under the rules of the house in which you live in can keep you out of trouble and the BIG HOUSE! My upbringing although I did not care for it better prepared me for life. The rules will continue according to the career choices in which you make, military or a pro athletic career come to mind here.

 

RC

[BBHFutureAllAmerican]

i know and i've spoken with people like drew tate scott chandler (hawkeye football players) dan bauder adam bauder jake wilke and zach wilker (dIII athletes) and they say the love of the game and the team bonding (like i have with my own teams) definitley outweighs all the curfews and everything but thanks rc for that

[Relationship Coach]

Remember without rules or parents/coaches, we would be lost! Good attitude BBH, I learned a great deal from Dan Gable attending his clinics in the summer as a teen.

 

RC

[BBHFutureAllAmerican]

dan gable? why does that sound very familiar

[Relationship Coach]

U of Ia. Wrestling Coach and Championship Record holder. link removed The man is a legend. Today he walks on crutches because his hips have given out on him even after total hip replacement but nothing stops Dan!

 

RC

[BBHFutureAllAmerican]

aaaaaaah yeah wow major brain fart on my part that's cuz dan is the man thanks for refreshing my memory