Complicated Work Relationship

[Texas2004]

I am dealing with a tough situation. I really like a girl that I work with (I am her supervisor). We get along really well together, regular light touching, very close emotionally, enjoy work trips together and do a few things outside of the office.

 

She has a long-term boyfriend who is pretty much a bum. Instead of criticizing, I choose to not talk about him at all (essentially pretend he does not exist), which makes the relationship a little odd because we talk about everything else.

 

She has never asked me why I don't - I pretty much assume she knows that it is because I like her. However, after many months of this going on, we have never once had a discussion as to what is going on or what our relationship is about. I will say that because of my actions, she rarely even mentions the guy to me anymore.

 

I guess my question is this, ladies (or gents): if you are this girl, and still loved your boyfriend (and/or did not have extra feelings for your boss), wouldn't you continue to talk about him, and/or try to put some distance between yourself and your boss (e.g. stop all touching, try to not be so emotionally close) in order to show you are not interested?

 

I guess I find it very strange that she does not seem uncomfortable about the fact that her boss, whom she is very close to, will not even acknowledge the existence of her boyfriend.

 

I would be happy to share additional facts and my opinion, but I want to see what other have to say. Thanks for any and all comments.

[NJRon]

If you are her supervisor... stop right now. She can play it up, but you can't.

 

Pull your head out... sorry to be so blunt... but, you are to set an example. Don't even entertain these thoughts. As the saying goes.. don't poop in your own backyard.

[doyathink]

MY first thought is this...SOME and I'll say it again...some people will use this to their advantage! Meaning, I have seen it happen in the work place that when a person KNOWS that a superior likes them, they will play along with it for 'job security' reasons.

 

Not to say she doesn't find you appealing but if she truly is in love with her bf and has no intentions of starting something with you or leaving her current than I have to say either she finds you to be a very cool friend or she is using you to get an easier ride at work.

 

Does that make sense...

[_Just_a_girl]

That was my first thought too. Dating & Work just don't mix.

[Texas2004]

I agree it is not appropriate to have an extra-curricular relationship, particularly when it is of a boss-subordinate type. I am just trying to figure out what her motivations are and how I should proceed.

[Texas2004]

I just wanted to let you guys know that I learned she broke up with her boyfriend this weekend.

[coooolsome]

Doesn't mean anything. Plus you are her boss and unfortunately means you should not pursue anything. To her, you are a good friend and maybe she thinks you dont talk about him b/c you think its none of your business.

 

Now just b/c she broke up with her boyfriend doesnt mean anything either. If anything, she might come to you as a rebound and you would end up getting hurt.