just getting worse instead of better...

[missmebaby]

today has been a very very bad day for me. today is 2 weeks since me and my ex broke up. for a couple days i thought i was doing better, i keep telling myself that im better off without him and i keep reminding myself of all the bad things about him and all the times he treated me badly. ive been going out all the time with friends and going to parties, playing in a softball league, meeting new guys, and talking to old guy friends that i lost touch with when i was dating my ex for a year. but nothing seems to be working. i still think about him all the time and think about all the good times we had and all the things we're going to never get to do again. i get in a really depressed mood and just want to cry.

 

last night a guy that i used to really like invited me to a party and i went and had a good time. i even stayed the night with him and we just cuddled and kissed the whole night. he kept telling me how beautiful i am and how amazing i am and how sorry he was that he was an * * * * * * * to me before because i never ever deserved that. he said he just wanted to hold me all night and he kept kissing me on the forehead. most of the time i just thought about my ex and wished he would have done those things when we were together. it was so frustrating because i remember how much i used to like this guy but last night it was like alls i could think about was my ex. i thought i maybe just missed having someone to kiss and cuddle with and someone to hold me at night but obviously not because i had that last night but it still wasnt the same and i still wasnt happy. then this morning when i woke up, it just hit me like a ton of bricks that hes really gone and it was the worst feeling ever. i felt bad because i wasnt in the best mood towards that guy and alls i wanted to do was get out of there and go home. its so depressing because even if i find a really great guy right now i dont think i could be with him because my ex still occupies my mind and anything i do with other guys just doesnt feel right.

 

well i broke down today and called him because i really needed to hear his voice and what hes been up to lately. he didnt answer and didnt call me back. i got kind of panicky and started to think that he was ignoring me because he was with some other girl or because he was over me and didnt want to talk to me anymore. well he ended up calling back and said his phone was upstairs and he was downstairs watching Tv and thats why he didnt call me back. i started to ask him about us and he said he is just scared to get back into a relationship because of all the drama and fighting we went through. he said he didnt really want to be with me because alls we would do is fight. no matter what i said he wouldnt change his mind or try to give it one more chance. when i asked him about it he said he still likes me and still does love me but things are never going to go good between us. well he did agree to come with me to a concert in a few days and i know its probly not helping me at all to keep hanging out with him but if we hang out im hoping he will see the changes ive made, and see that we can have a good time together and realize that he still wants to be with me.

 

im sorry for rambling on, i just needed to vent. like i said, today has been one of the roughest days for me. i just dont know whether to believe him or not when he says that the only reason he doesnt want to be with me is because hes tired of the fighting and breaking up and getting back together a couple hours later. im tired of it too but im willing to make it work this time because i love him and i remember when we used to get along very well and we were crazy about each other. i just dont know what to do. i dont quit on something that i really want, so im going to try every option possible until ive tried everything and nothing has worked to get him back. then and only then will i give up and move on.

[dude69]

i know exacly what your going through, its only been 2 months for me but I have to say that im feeling better. Im was alot like you where i couldnt find it in myself to like/love another girl but her. The first month was really rough for me, kept thinking about all the things she use to do for me and how much she loved me. There were even times where I felt like my brain was going to explode because all i was thinking about at night was picturing her with another man. Anyway, im starting to see the light now, things are different now and well I dont think i will be getting into any relationship anytime soon but i know i will eventualy find someone that was kinda like her if not better that i will love and ive promised myself that i wont mess up the next one.

 

One mistake i did when we broke up was i hung out with her for a couple of days and well, we kissed those days and I really think it made everything worse because i felt like i was able to get her back but really i wasnt able to so i kept holding on to her until i realized that she was taking me for a ride and then i jump out of it and moved on.

 

With that said, i really think you should reconsider going to a concert with him. I will only make things harder on you and you will hurt more.

 

Anyway, you do what you think you need to do but just remember that if he doesnt want to be with you anymore then dont try to change his mind because even if he changes his mind he might end up not being happy.. and afterall im sure you want him to be happy.

 

I wish you luck, take care.

[need2bme]

Hey, I am the first to say that I would have probably done the same thing.

 

I have thought long and hard about what I would do if someone wanted to go out. First, the ex thinks I should (well, scr3w her). Secondly, I know that all I would think about would be the ex, OR how can I mess this one up, OR I am not worthy, etc.

 

You get the picture. So I am right there with you, when wondering if you do the right thing. I know that my ex did not give me the attention that I wanted and when other girls did, MAN, did it make me feel good. I would feel good and guilty.

 

I think back now and I deserved for her to leave. Arguing with her, but not with other girls. Enjoying other girls company more than hers. I cannot figure out, why some human beings (read; me) seem to look for love elsewhere and then get upset when the person they have thought about leaving, leaves them.

 

It is not an ego thing with me, at all. I think it is a needy thing somewhat, but I think it is the realization of the what coulda beens.

 

You know, why didn't I try harder with the person I was with. I was always looking for something else or someone else in all my relationships, except for one.

 

So, you see, it is a lot about me and insecurity. Hey, I am a poet and don't know it. I blurt, act like a kid, am goofy, etc. All pointing to being insecure. Yes, I know it points to my being a guy, as well. Still, it is all part of hiding. It is all insecurity.

 

Does it really matter if someone doesn't like me? Why is it that we can only remember the ones who did not like us and not the ones who did?

 

I can recall my ex-wife coming to see me in the mess hall, when I was in the military and my friend accross from me said, "I would like some of that" (of course after I told him she was my wife, he was really embarrassed). She was beautiful. I can remember being at a bar with my friends, when I met the ex before this one and she really got attached to me and talked with me, when all my friends were trying so hard with her. The current ex was gorgeous. She even did some modeling. Everyone where we used to work was after her and SHE ASKED ME OUT! Not the other way around.

 

They all wanted me. ME!! So, why is it that we (I) still have insecurities? I used to joke that I could get any woman I wanted. I just couldn't keep them.

 

How sad is that?

 

I will see your rant and raise you my rant...

[cmild]

hey I feel for you and know what your goin through. I've been broken up with my boyfriend for 1 week. He won't talk to me and he says it's over because we fight to much. I think that's crap. I love him and it's not easy getting them off your mind. But if it was easy It probally wasn't love. Hang in there and don't give up, I know I don't plan on it.

[WaltJeffries]

The only way that you are going to heal through this is to have no contact with him. Give him the space he needs to sort things out in his head. If he loves you, then he will contact you. You are only going to achieve setbacks everytime you try and contact him. Don't do that to yourself. Believe me, I have made the mistake several times during my breakup. You have to heal through this.

Take some time off between relationships. You need to find yourself again before you can be with anyone else. Think about this. If your ex did decide that he could not live without you then how would being with another man go over. Not well I would think.

[xxmrxx]

I am going through the same thing also. My ex just started seeing another guy a few weeks ago and its killing me. I try to go out and talk to new people but its just not the same. I want to her he voice so bad, but I know if she calls and is not going to get back togather with me it will make it only worse. I hope by showing that I have moved on also might make her want me back. I know when a girl ignores me it only makes me want her more.