confused heart

[eternally_eden]

Heres the deal....

There's this guy that I dated the first 2 years of HS. I just recently graduated. Anyhow I ended up really hurting this guy twice, and yet he still says he loves me. I feel like I've known him forever, and I can't stop thinking about him. When I do think about him my heart gets fluttery and I can't wait to talk to him. Ive known him for four years now. At the end of the 10th grade I met a new guy and cheated on him. Then I moved away after breaking up with him. I dated the new guy I met, long-distance, for 6 months. Then we broke up. The summer after 11th grade my old boyfriend and i made out at his house. Then a whole year passed before we saw eachother again this summer. I went to his house and he tried to kiss me, but I dodged at the last second. We talk on the internet frequently, and we both have admitted to loving eachother. He says he wants me to be his first, etc. But recently reality hit us. We live 15 hours apart and we're both attending college in our own states, he in Illinois, I in Texas. SO....we agreed to not get serious because we're still only 18. We said we want to see other people. But the truth is....I can't stop thinking about him. We get along, we have common interests and values, he's actually only 6 hours older then me. I mean we were made for eachother. I just can't tell what he's feeling. Tell me this, do you think this is love or not? and what do you think this guy is thinking from what I've said?

 

almost forgot. I left out the part where even though I cheated on him I realized after the fact that I made a huge mistake. The last thing I'd ever want to do again is to hurt this guy. He's the sweetest, most awesome, caring guy ever.

All advice is much appreciated.

[Smokeycat]

If I know what love is it sounds like you are truly in love. I'm stilll totally in love with my ex and vice versa but for many reasons we can't be together. Maybe you could talk to him about making a promise to wait for each other. Kind of like what engagement does...ya know. Just not really going out where the option is open to date but maybe just you two casually date others and not get serious. Keep your hearts for each other...that sort of thing. I hope I've helped!

[SilverPlan]

Well this sounds like my situation..but the distance is greater I live up in Manitoba above North Dakota, and my gf lives down in Arizona, and I'm 9 months older than her, but she won't be graduating this year and I will. What he's prolly thinking is that he can't wait to talk with you next and waiting to meet you. These kind of relationships are hard to keep up, but it always works out in the end. Yes, I think your situation is love, becuz look at mine...me and my gf love each other alot..we try and talk to each other almost every day. Anyways...he might also be thinking how much he loves you, just my opinion, hope this helps a bit

 

Good luck

[zerohour]

Eden,

 

I think you (and a lot of people) make the mistake of thinking that love is a well-defined status that a relationship reaches at some arbitrary point. Love is something that can't be defined, and thereforeeeee, nobody but you can tell you whether or not you're in love. There's no formula for determining when you're in love and when it's something else. If you think you're in love, you are. If you think you're falling out of love, you are. It's that simple. Nobody is going to look at your relationship and say "that's not REALLY love," and if they do, they are an imbusile and you shouldn't put any stock in their knee-jerk judgement anyway.

 

As to whether or not you two should wait to be eachother's first, I would say that unless you intend to maintain your relationship, it's probably not good to plan that out right now. You have no idea what it's going to be like when you both get to college. I know you both care for eachother a lot, but you don't want to spend your first year (or even second year) of college holding back because you have this commitment to eachother. Both of you go out and have a great time, and if one of you is put into a situation where you feel it would be appropriate for you to have sex, and you feel comfortable going through with it, you shouldn't stop yourself because you've already promised yourself to your HS sweetheart. Chances are one of you would go through with it anyway, and then you would feel like garbage afterward because you feel like you broke your promise to the other person. That's not how you want your first time to feel...

 

It sounds like you two aren't really over eachother, and are thereforeeeee afraid to imagine the other person with anyone but you--which is why you both feel comfortable making this promise. You're putting a little "reserved" tag on the other person, and in doing so, not letting go. Don't make the mistake I've seen so many people do--don't half-ass your first year of college because you're still hung up on an old relationship that has no foreseeable future (at least not right now).

 

Hope this helps... good luck at school--I know you'll have a blast!

 

-Zer0