How do I know If I'm ready to be friends...or should we even try?

[music lover 88]

I've been broken up with my ex for 4 and 1/2 months. I started NC two months ago, and broke it half way in bc I thought I was ready to talk to him, only to realize I needed to go back to NC.

 

It wasn't hard to start it the second time...maybe because I knew what I was getting into. The first time really hit me hard though, I wasn't prepared for such a huge change, but then again who is?

 

So the deal now is...should I try talking to him again? We made an attempt about a month ago, and it was a really awkward meeting, I think mostly because he hadn't learned how to let go yet.

 

I guess I should say I've already contacted him. I did yesterday on instant messenger and we talked for a few minutes, just caught up on whats been going on in each others lives...and that was it. It was pleasant, and non-stressful. I would like to be able to talk to him once in awhile, just to see how he's doing or just share stuff thats going on. I don't know if this is a good idea, like if its gonna mess up the progress that both of us have made.

[ElektraHere]

Here is how you know you can be friends with him.

 

Think of him with someone else. Being around them as they are together laughing, joking, kissing. Knowing he is loving her.

What are your immediate thoughts???? There is your answer.

[melrich]

I am friends with each of my exes I had a long term relationship with (3). My experience was that in each case we did not become good friends again until about 2 years after we broke up.

 

I think something like that is about right. There is little or no residual feelings and both of you have well and truly moved on.

[No Spaces Rob]

The easy answer to your question is that if it hurts, then you're not ready to become friends again.

 

If you think about him all the time and wonder what he thinks about you, then it's probably not time yet. Because if you tried to initiate contact again you might get disappointed.

[music lover 88]

Thank you for your responses. When I saw him a month ago, it wasn't painful to spend time with him. The reason it got complicated is because he couldn't handle it. He thought I was being a different person, when in reality I was the same, but just had clear boundaries in my head.

 

I think about him, but I don't obsess over what hes doing. I guess I can take little steps and see how it goes if I continue contact. If he so much as insinuates that I'm not trying enough, or why I'm not acting like his friend, then I know he doesn't get it, and he's not ready...or we're not ready.