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How do I know If I'm ready to be friends...or should we even try?


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I've been broken up with my ex for 4 and 1/2 months. I started NC two months ago, and broke it half way in bc I thought I was ready to talk to him, only to realize I needed to go back to NC.

 

It wasn't hard to start it the second time...maybe because I knew what I was getting into. The first time really hit me hard though, I wasn't prepared for such a huge change, but then again who is?

 

So the deal now is...should I try talking to him again? We made an attempt about a month ago, and it was a really awkward meeting, I think mostly because he hadn't learned how to let go yet.

 

I guess I should say I've already contacted him. I did yesterday on instant messenger and we talked for a few minutes, just caught up on whats been going on in each others lives...and that was it. It was pleasant, and non-stressful. I would like to be able to talk to him once in awhile, just to see how he's doing or just share stuff thats going on. I don't know if this is a good idea, like if its gonna mess up the progress that both of us have made.

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I am friends with each of my exes I had a long term relationship with (3). My experience was that in each case we did not become good friends again until about 2 years after we broke up.

 

I think something like that is about right. There is little or no residual feelings and both of you have well and truly moved on.

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Thank you for your responses. When I saw him a month ago, it wasn't painful to spend time with him. The reason it got complicated is because he couldn't handle it. He thought I was being a different person, when in reality I was the same, but just had clear boundaries in my head.

 

I think about him, but I don't obsess over what hes doing. I guess I can take little steps and see how it goes if I continue contact. If he so much as insinuates that I'm not trying enough, or why I'm not acting like his friend, then I know he doesn't get it, and he's not ready...or we're not ready.

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