making out vs foreplay

[helpme2]

okay, so since hubby and I had sex, it seems like we don't just make out anymore, I talked to him about it and he says he doesn't know why.

 

I like sex, well, a lot, but I kinda miss the cuddly making out not leading anywhere but kissing and stuff time.

 

I am not sure how to approach this to let him know that it's not foreplay, I don't want to put limits, but then again it seems like any physical contact leads to sex.

 

so, since this is my first actual consentual sexually active relationship I guess even 7 years in I am pretty inexperienced.

 

anyone else have the same issue? is making out something I just have to give up? how do I draw the line without making it awkward? is a line always awkward?

 

opinions? discussion? anyone?

[justpaisley]

Hubby and I still make out for a while, but it always leads to sex. I think the exciting thing about making out was the anticipation that it would lead to sex, but not yet. The forbidden is always alluring. There have only been a few times that my husband and I didn't wind up having sex after making out for a while. I guess he's irresistible.

 

Make it a game. Tell him places that he can't touch you, and if he does, you give him a "punishment." Try to see how long one of you can go without grabbing a naughty bit. Or make out for a while before you have to be somewhere, knowing that you can't do the deed, or you'll be late.

[tylercdurden2004]

okay, so since hubby and I had sex, it seems like we don't just make out anymore, I talked to him about it and he says he doesn't know why.

 

I like sex, well, a lot, but I kinda miss the cuddly making out not leading anywhere but kissing and stuff time.

 

I am not sure how to approach this to let him know that it's not foreplay, I don't want to put limits, but then again it seems like any physical contact leads to sex.

 

so, since this is my first actual consentual sexually active relationship I guess even 7 years in I am pretty inexperienced.

 

anyone else have the same issue? is making out something I just have to give up? how do I draw the line without making it awkward? is a line always awkward?

 

opinions? discussion? anyone?

 

 

I am a bit confused. I am a guy afterall but in reality if you are having a good time cuddling and knoodling why is it a problem to have sex? I mean I am assuming the aforementioned ativities get you excited so why is it you dont want to make love to him all the time?

 

I can understand if its an innappropriate time of place then cuddling has to suffice. Are you maybe saying that you are concerned he only wants sex, that maybe he is not romantic enough in other areas of your relationship life?

[helpme2]

I don't know. I have a huge sex drive, but just I miss making out. I can't figure out if I am just looking for something to nitpick at or if I need more cuddles or what.

 

I am kinda missing the holding hands and cuddling on the couch stuff too. It's like we wake up, work, eat, have sex, sleep, wake up, eat, have sex, sleep, ect. I guess maybe it's a romance thing I don't know.

 

I am pretty emotional today, maybe it's hormones.

[Scout]

I don't know. I have a huge sex drive, but just I miss making out. I can't figure out if I am just looking for something to nitpick at or if I need more cuddles or what.

 

Valid questions here. No way to really get the answers unless you do some exploring. Maybe you will have to lead the way here with your hubby...just start being more affectionate with him yourself. Cuddle with him. Be the proactive one.

[Majoraslayer]

Thats right; he doesn't have to be the one to initiate ALL of the intimacy. If you want you can cuddle up to him just as well and direct him into it. Chances are he'll realize what the two of you had been missing and initiate it more often himself if he enjoys it. I know I would feel great if I had a g/f that did that, and it would encourage me to cuddle up to her and hold her romantically more often.

[tylercdurden2004]

I don't know. I have a huge sex drive, but just I miss making out. I can't figure out if I am just looking for something to nitpick at or if I need more cuddles or what.

 

I am kinda missing the holding hands and cuddling on the couch stuff too. It's like we wake up, work, eat, have sex, sleep, wake up, eat, have sex, sleep, ect. I guess maybe it's a romance thing I don't know.

 

I am pretty emotional today, maybe it's hormones.

 

Sounds like to me you have got yourself into a routine, the both of you. I think its "normal" in that it happens to many couples however its not "normal" in that it is not the way it has to be or should be. Why not set some time aside for you too to be romantic. A getaway? A weekend where you just have each other?

 

I think by what you have said that you are wanting some more romance and there is nothing wrong with that. You have a very valid point especially if he works, comes home, eats dinner, watches TV, and then goes to bed while maybe having sex with you. Romance is hard for guys to keep up because it often comes with expectations. Sit down and have talk with him or alternativley and preferably show him the way by indicating how much romance means to you and how it affects you postively.

[Scout]

Right, as the two posters above suggest, you can take some decisive action yourself. Ask him to watch a movie with you on the couch, and cuddle with him as you do so. Stroke his hair. Smile and look into his eyes several times.

 

Flirt with him a bit in the morning, or when he comes home from work. Buy him a little trinket...a CD, a new shirt...and leave it on the bed with a "just because" card.

 

Really connect with him again like you did in the "old days." It's as easy as making the effort to do so. It may seem a bit strange first, but if you keep acting this way, it will become a natural habit, actually, for both of you.

[Cardinal]

It is a routine you are in.

 

I think it will behoove you to mentally separate the idea of making out from the cuddling that normally happens after sex. Making out implies arousal from both partners leading presumably to sex. Though it does sound romantic, I think it is a tad bit unrealistic to think a man will get very aroused by making out with you then be just fine cuddling. Men have an on and off switch, but the way to control it has little to do with emotions and romance for the most part. Their off switch is their second brain and the way to transition between arousal and cuddling involves flipping that switch. Maybe why making out always leads to sex is because you both know he will have an orgasm and you two will want to cuddle afterwards?

 

My g/f and I watch tons of movies. The minute I lay eyes on her or touch ANY part of her body or even think about her, I am immediately turned on. I never consider what we do as cuddling, but rather as a longer form of foreplay since I am so aroused the whole time. Sure you can nuzzle together on the couch and watch a good movie together and run your hands through his hair etc, but I would not make the mistake of calling that cuddling from his perspective unless he has already achieved an orgasm and is satisfied.

 

I think that distinction is what you are not fully considering, no?

[nottoogreen]

Hi helpme,

 

Well, lots of things changed fast in both your lives.

 

The hormone treatment of hubby works and he can perform.

 

You are overcoming the past trauma and you want more and more of all of your hubby, you develop a broad and natural connection with him.

 

In a way you both are sexually inexperienced. You are exited about your feelings toward him and he is excited about that things work.

 

My suggestion is that both of you cuddle down together and discuss your feelings and do so often.

 

Deeper understanding will lead to more fullfilment.

 

And please bear with him if he acts a bit like a teen-aged hormone bomb right now.

[helpme2]

okay, I talked to hubby and he basically said the same thing you did.

 

well, I guess it's grab it when I can get it then?

 

he did say he would try to be more physical during non-foreplay times, like holding hands, hugs and kisses at random hours and such.....

[igor]

Hubby and I still make out for a while, but it always leads to sex. I think the exciting thing about making out was the anticipation that it would lead to sex, but not yet. The forbidden is always alluring. There have only been a few times that my husband and I didn't wind up having sex after making out for a while.

 

Right - on! Back before marriage we made out like crazy - parking in the woods, etc. Eventually, after getting engaged we did more than make out (but never had PIV sex). Early in marriage we still did, and as you say, it usually led to sex. But in later years she just wasn't into kissing passionately any more and even if I tried to initiate something I'd get this "all you want is sex" response. She wouldn't even kiss during sex.

 

To me, making out is a form of foreplay. No, it may not always lead to sex (at least not at that moment) but it still stokes the fire. I love it!