I'm sure it's been asked before....

[Beginning2findme]

Hello Everyone,

 

I'm sure there are tons of posts like this one..but ...at the age of 34 I am questioning my sexuality.

 

The reason i am posting is because i want some input from others who have determined that they are gay/lesbian.

 

I have done minimal research and from what i've gathered its just something that you know but in my mind I feel the mere fact that I am even questioning my sexuality is a clue that it's something i need to look into. Hence how i am to find this website.

 

I guess what i'm asking is what does "looking into your sexuality" look like? I have no idea where i would go to meet/talk to lesbians or other gays and even if i did...how would i know?

 

I have looked on the internet to see if i can get some insight - maybe a story or something that will "click" and i can say - yeah i feel that way or no i dont ... This isn't soemthing new for me it's a question that has popped up in my mind from time to time- and i feel it's something worth addressing.

 

How does one begin to explore their sexual orientation? If i was would i just know or would i be feeling as confused as I am now?

 

I would appreciate any honest feedback.....

 

thank you....

[Ians Mommy]

I figured I was bisexual when I was at the mall one day when I was like 11 or 12. In crowds, I look at more girls for attractiveness than I do with guys. I've been in one relationship with a girl and I loved it but I still lean towards relationships with men instead of females.

[FoxLocke]

For me, I knew I was gay at a very young age. I didn't know what "gay" really was, but I just remembered having a fondness for other boys that I didn't have for girls. I liked girls fine, but I remember always wanting certain boys that I thought were good looking to like me and be my boyfriend.

Then puberty hit, and the sexual thoughts began and I knew.

 

Overall, I think it is different for so many people. My story may not click for you, but perhaps someone else's will. I just recently came out to myself and my family about my orientation...And this is after years and years of making sure.

 

Just ask yourself a few questions...

 

1.) Do you love the thought of being physically and emotionally intimate with the same gender?

 

2.) Do you find yourself lacking in your feelings towards the opposite sex?

 

It is a process. Go at your own pace. This is your journey and discovery.

 

blessed be.

[Beginning2findme]

Hi All-

 

I often do find myself checking out other women- and when i see a pretty girl i know i think to myself she has a great * * * * * or what a gorgeous face..and i always thought i was just doing it as a comparison to myself.....but then i would be with friends and they would find guys attractive on the street or the mall/bar etc .and i have to be honest- i barely noticed.

 

also...your second question about lacking feelings- i'm not sure what you mean? do i find that i don't fall in love? I feel like i have never been in love even though i have been in long term relationships- i find that i enjoy the experience of being in a relationship rather then being with the person. Also ...i find that i have better conversations with guys (the majority of my friends are guys) i feel unless we are talking about emotional growth and such i get bored with most female conversations like.... shopping and make up ... even though i enjoy shopping and buying a new outfit etc..and i wear make up.... i'm bored with talking about it..LOL ..(maybe that's just a preference rather then an insight..LOL

 

btw ...congrats about coming out...i hope that everyone was accepting.

[Jinx]

Personally for myself my little life story of realizing I was a lesbian I suppose began when I did hit those puberty years, my first thoughts were of other females but quite short lived and repressed. I lived in a Christian household were gay was not tolerated in any way shape or form.

 

So regardless I tried to be heterosexual, I dated two men. One relationship lasted about two years but now that I reflect I believe that was sticking around due to sympathy for my "other half" whom was Bipolar and didn't have any oars in the water so no one would deal with him, besides me.

 

Meanwhile in the midst of all this at one point or another a good friend of mine came out to me. At that point I was still rather homophobic due to personal shielding as I didn't want to be thought of as a freak or disowned. Opinions of others still meant something to me then. So I didn't quite know how to react but regardless I seen he was able to overcome the opinions and hatred of others.

 

As we spoke I realized I still did have a deep seated interest in women but had became so well at hiding it and the like. I thought it over and as time progressed it kind of hit me that I really didn't like men as anything more than friends. My attraction was towards other women in each way, it was complete - mind, body and soul - I would say. Whereas men, I was attracted to them simply on a society says so level. It was more out of duty to be "normal" that I had attempted to warp my attraction so it was directed towards men but give the once hidden female attraction a moment and it took over, kind of obvious eventually.

 

Furthermore, heh, dreaming about other women instead of your boyfriend or whatever at the time probably should of been a clue to me saying - Hey, hello there, this just isn't working. You're kidding yourself.

 

Regardless, as in my many posts I've made before with all this evidence put together I decided, yup, I'm a lesbian. Textbook definition of one too once I was able to cope with myself. I spent awhile chasing after women who seemed "questionable" and thus far except one, months or more later most of the women who bleeped on my QueerDar were just so.

 

Yet those women who were questionable weren't ready to come out with themselves at that point and still stuck comfortably in the closet. So instead of playing the games of Is She or Isn't She? I had gay male friends who told me of different locations which were gay friendly, BUT, if you say live in or near a Metro area you can always look up in the Telephone book or more particularly I think its Yahoo and some of the major Gay websites will have listings of Gay Friendly, Gay Owned, Gay Clientele (Primarily or Only) type of establishments.

 

That is how I went about finding Restaurants, Cafes, Small Book Shops and other locations which being gay was welcomed and because of that, I ran into "family" as they say. This was such a case with my girlfriend, we met when I was scavaging the gay area in general, we talked, we clicked, and here we are as a pair. By the looks of the directories I've seen even the most Conservative Bible Belt type of States STILL have at least some kind of gay area, while it is much smaller than say the gay areas in CA or MA its still there to at least some degree and often a little more discreet.

[jabele]

That is how I went about finding Restaurants, Cafes, Small Book Shops and other locations which being gay was welcomed and because of that, I ran into "family" as they say. This was such a case with my girlfriend, we met when I was scavaging the gay area in general, we talked, we clicked, and here we are as a pair. By the looks of the directories I've seen even the most Conservative Bible Belt type of States STILL have at least some kind of gay area, while it is much smaller than say the gay areas in CA or MA its still there to at least some degree and often a little more discreet.

 

Ha, I'm in NY, and I feel like I can't find any of those places! All the places seem geared toward gay men, not women. Do you know how to best search for those?

 

To: beginning2findme: I can totally relate to everything you're saying. I'm in teh same position as you are...most of my friends are guys too. It's probably because we're not that interested in what most straight girls are interested in...thats why you aren't connecting with them- not that I don't enjoy makeup and fashion...but its not very deep. You might have more luck with other gay women. Do you know any?

[Jinx]

Ha, I'm in NY, and I feel like I can't find any of those places! All the places seem geared toward gay men, not women. Do you know how to best search for those?

 

 

When I found places I usually just had to invite myself in and took an inventory of the clients they had. There were quite a few that were pretty much gay space and lesbians weren't that welcomed. Really trial and error. I have found though for whatever reason, usually the smaller, cozy, cafes that you'd usually only see on a fly-by attract more lesbians than gay men, here it does that is.

 

One place that does seem to bring a lot of lesbians - Film Fesitvals.

 

New York is supposed to have quite a few excellent LGBT Film Fests and depending on the movies you're scheduled to see, you can really expect a decent number of lesbians there. Particularly of course though, you'd have to find a good Lesbian movie that people were attracted to.

 

Now from my personal understanding, as this isn't first hand experience but instead from hearing others, for example I believe there is an indepedent movie out and about which is lesbian themed and has attracted attention by the same at film fests, which I think maybe possibly the name is Loving Annabelle (maybe someone else knows and can throw two cents in as to whether I'm right or not on the name?) and I believe they had it playing in New York at least once if not more and was quite the buzz with the Lesbian group.

 

I think there are also particular Women Only events that go on in New York which are attention grabbers, from experience you get both Heterosexual and Homosexual women but the latter is more common.

 

These are some links, that maybe, they might help in a search for Lesbian or more Lesbian friendly places or events:

 

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I haven't looked over all the links so I don't know about quality but they sounded like they would be interesting out of the search I performed.

[jabele]

Oh I'm excited...I looked for gay coffeehouses and found one down in chelsea. I figure there will be gay women that hang out there, so maybe I'll go down there one day and have a cup of coffee ;-)

 

And thanks for looking up the website for me! I'm going to try to refer to them as well.

[Deviant_Kate]

I didn't have a clue until I was 18 that I was gay. I noticed beautiful women, but it was always wanting to be like them, not with them. I remember my sister once talking about how hot Antonio Banderas was, and I was thinking .oO(Really? He doesn't look special to me). I dated men, but I realize now it was more because I didn't want to disappoint them than an actual desire to be with them.

 

I guess what i'm asking is what does "looking into your sexuality" look like? I have no idea where i would go to meet/talk to lesbians or other gays and even if i did...how would i know?

 

I think there are probably at least a thousand different answers to that question. In my case, I was propositioned by a woman and I spent a week thinking about how that made me feel. I came to the conclusion that I was attracted to her, and that was that. I came out to myself, and six months later I came out to my parents.

 

Have you seen the film Kissing Jessica Stein? It's pretty relevant to the subject matter here.

[BrokenWingedFaery]

I've always known I was bi, I just didn't know there was a word for it until I was in middle school. Mostly because I grew up in a MAJORLY Christian area.