A Female Stalker

[Rizby]

There is this office colleague of mine who appears to be desparate in setting me up with her straight female childhood friend.

 

I'm gay, but not out to everybody - only a "special circle" of friends now of my sexual orientation. Only one person in my office knows, and my coming out to her followed a period of much premedititation. Coming out for me has got be very well crafted and rehearsed so that the emotional impact is minimized to the intended recipient.

 

So hence my rather closeted work existence. HOWEVER, this non-disclosure has now become a bane as of course people by default are going to think I'm straight and there lies my problem with this stalker.

 

This office colleague of mine had been pestering me to allow her to pass my cell number to this childhood friend of hers. I was lukewarm to the idea at first and clearly showed my disinterest. BUT she was persistent and as she already knows my number - she finally gave it to this girl.

 

I did not think much of it until this friend of hers started text messaging me. At first I was polite and replied but her messages were weird relating to me her car problems and all and I don't even know what she looks like!

 

In the end I thought it better to ignore her messages and she got pissed off and retorted "Why aren't you replying my messages?!" I did not reply that hoped that she would finally take the cue.

 

A week later she send me another message! " I know my previous messages were not welcomed...but really need some legal advice on trading in my car...." or something like that. Can't she take a hint??

 

What can I do as a gay guy to deflect her attention without having to come out??

[DN]

Just say "Thank you for your interest but I am very busy right now and don't have time to reply to your messages." And leave it at that.

[n83]

I think it was very rude of your coworker to give out your number without your permission. That being said, I don't think you owe your cowoker or this "stalker" anything. Keep ignoring her, and politely but firmly tell your cowoker that you'd appreciate it if she refrains from giving out your number in the future. You don't owe your coworker any information as to why you weren't interested in her friend.

[Deviant_Kate]

I say keep ignoring her. If she doesn't stop, just say "I'm not interested." Don't be wishy-washy, don't offer to help her with her car, don't say "we can be friends." Just blow her off or she'll keep trying.

[ontheverge]

I dont think ignoring her is the best, but you might tell her that, you are not interested in a relationship, and as far as legal advice for her car goes, unless you are a lawyer, you cant give that out. Plain and simple. If you are a lawyer, then tell her that you can not advise her unless she is a client, and at this point you could not accept her as such, as it would be a conflict of interest.

 

hows that?

[WhyteSkaii]

What do you work as exactly? Why would she keep asking you about cars honestly lol that makes no sense. As far as the two of them I believe it would be most wise to just tell them that is enough is enough and that you're just not interested in a fix up. If you can help her with her car then you might strike up the notion to tell her while you help her though by being nice you might just mix her signal >_> it's up to you whether you help her or not lol. But remember something don't sugar coat anything lol. That seems to always backfire as people tend to misinterpret these messages. Just be honest and tell her or them that you're simply just not interested and you'll find someone on your own terms and you don't need their help.

[Rizby]

It spiralled into something a bit creepier the other day. I had taken a longer lunch break than usual, going out to the ATM near a shopping mall near my office, doing a little banking, paying bills and feeling generally good about keeping myself busy. I had earlier that morning replied this girl's SMS curtly by stating that I had not used any legal document or whatever when I traded in my car. Period. Certainly not inviting.

 

Well, she did not reply for ages UNTIL just about towards the end of my lunch break when she text messaged me again! Quote "Thanks for the advice...btw, I was with your office colleague just now at the mall and she said she saw you there..." YIKES! I mean I guess she knows what I look like but I have no idea what she looks like. This was so CREEPY. I feel indirectly stalked....

[WhyteSkaii]

Well, she did not reply for ages UNTIL just about towards the end of my lunch break when she text messaged me again! Quote "Thanks for the advice...btw, I was with your office colleague just now at the mall and she said she saw you there..." YIKES! I mean I guess she knows what I look like but I have no idea what she looks like. This was so CREEPY. I feel indirectly stalked....

 

Lol. I would probably feel uncomfortable as well, but as long as she isn't really trying anything then there isn't too much of a problem? Other than that maybe it was just a coincidence that they were there. As mentioned if she does want to hook up with you then you could tell her that you're just not interested. lol just becareful that she doesn't end up outside your doorstep or looking into your windows with a knife >_>.