just loss in all

[maybe]

these past two years, i have lost so much, and i feel like I have lost myself as well.

i have had 2 failed pregnancies. both were early term, so it was somewhat easier for me not to think of them as lost children, but as i move on with my life, i feel so alone, and think of the children i should have.

my ex has no idea what i am going thru now, and i have truly lost him. its been 4 months since we seriously talked...and i am pretty sure i do not want to talk to him. I love him but i am putting him behind me. I suppose it is a good thing that I am not raising his child...but it hurts so much to think of the life I should have. but i tell myself that everything happens for a reason, and things will work out. But im so tired of waiting. And i just feel like my life is missing so much.

How does one deal with empty feeling?

just wondering if anyone had any advice.

[DN]

Hope75 put it well on here the other day:

 

'Don't let your past dictate your future'.

 

So - decide what you want in your future and decide to go for it. Be specific - no amorphous ideas like: "to be happy" or "make the world a better place".

[bebecole]

i recently just lost my bestfriend in a car accident and my boyfriend left me. i just try and keep my friends and family around, and the people who care about me. i know how you feel about waiting. i feel like im sitting around waiting for my life to get better and be happy again. but the only thing you can do is enjoy your life at the moment. and yes everything does happen for a reason it may not seem like that now but it does. a few years ago when i was with my boyfriend i had a abortion and i started to regret it b/c i wanted to have a happy family with him and at this point im glad i went thru with it because my boyfriend is a total @$$hole, so now that i look back it happened for a reason..

heres a quote i found that will hopefully make you feel better....

When time passes, it's gone forever. So slow down and savor the life you're living.

[IRON ROOTS]

i cant imagine your loss.. im so sorry... but you are right, things do happen for a reason... sounds like not having a child with you now is a good thing... and that this is life you should have... do you time or will to travel? happy thoughts and memories are things you can never lose... or have taken away... material things or possesions dont mean as much, nor does being in a relationship that wasnt meant to be... go out for a walk and discover something small and new, a thought, a site, a new shop... or if you do have time for travel get excited about a new place or destination... i dunno... emtyness sometimes is a good thing, it gives you room to fill up that space... with something good and positive! when someone is so full of rage and anger or sorrow it seems a little harder to change... its great that you can talk about your feelings and express them well... smile this could be the first day of a new life...

[Hope75]

I am sorry for your losses. I can only imagine it must be very hard.

 

Like DN, I am a firm believer that the past shapes who you are and what you become, but it can be very positive if you make it that way.

 

Spend some time grieving, and then make some concrete decisions about what you want in and for your future. Set some goals, both short term and long term, and get to work.... you will find yourself rewarded in due time.

 

(HUGS)