how to handle bumping into the ex?

[joyce1412]

hi there. it's been about four months since my breakup, more than a month and a half of NC. NC was only briefly broken when we met in person and i unfortunately gave him another chance to jerk me around--which he did. he emailed me a week later asking to be friends, to which i thought "no way," and didn't reply.

 

he travels for work but is back in town for what i believe will be most of the remainder of august. we live in the same neighborhood so naturally i'm sort of anxious about bumping into him.

 

if anyone could give some tips on how to handle chance encounters gracefully (and yes, i realize it's only a CHANCE, but i'm into preparedness and NOT looking like a deer in headlights), i'd really appreciate it. thanks.

[Allie.]

hey chica.

i'm in the same boat

so i'm interested in what ppl have to say about this....

[lady00]

I think you should just be polite and say hi or wave and keep on walking. Act like you have somewhere to be, even if you don't. That doesn't mean speed up or run away, just keep moving on along your way. Try to keep the encounter brief and it will probably help you get through it.

[Dako]

Say hello as you normally would and just look into their eyes. Leave the awkwardness to them, then say goodbye and leave.

[joyce1412]

Say hello as you normally would and just look into their eyes. Leave the awkwardness to them, then say goodbye and leave.

 

i like your style!

[kadvati79]

I think you will handle it better than you realise, at least at the time. I know this has happened to me a few times now, and each time I totally held myself there... only to become an absolute mess ten minutes later.

 

I think the "look" into the eyes suggestion. But remember, its very, very hard to lie with your eyes. If you look in his eyes you will both share whatever emotion you feel. It is very common for people to say one thing with their words, and something completely different with their eyes.

[ButterflyWrists]

if its only for august don't worry, just dont let him use you.

 

I'm having to see my ex at college start of september, see him about, with other people, him trying to get his new ex back, which will probably fail, and then he'll come crying back to me.

 

I hope you dont let him get to you too badly. keep up NC even while he is in town.

[joyce1412]

thanks. like i said, chances are i won't see him. after getting no reply to his email i seriously, seriously doubt he will initiate contact, although he would know where to find me if he wanted to pester me about "friendship"...ugh, how he has made me detest the word!.

 

but in any case, if the situation arises i don't want to go, "PANIC! FLEE! PANIC! FLEE!" and freak out. i'd like to get out of the situation gracefully...and, you know, freak out all alone. so thanks for the tips.

 

and not to worry, me breaking NC is a non-issue!

[kadvati79]

but in any case, if the situation arises i don't want to go, "PANIC! FLEE! PANIC! FLEE!" and freak out.

I didn't.

You won't.

 

But you probably will have a good cry about it, in private. But later on you'll think about and realise you handled it much better than you ever thought you would have. And actually, it didn't really hurt that bad either. It just felt sad.

[river dog]

It's a tough one, I have just been there and as she travels in my area it may happen again as soon as today or tomorrow. Last time she was in a bar with another guy.

 

I took a deep breath and walked in as normal. She called my name loudly to make sure I saw her (which was nice of her). I smiled, bought some cigarettes and waved goodbye as I left, calmly.

 

I couldn't care what she thought, I had to protect myself. Her behaviour has made me very cautious about dating a local girl again.

 

Hope this helps.

[Rob38]

I will be running into mine in a few weeks as shes still in college and i just graduated. We will bump into each other at football games as we have common friends. Im planning on walking right up there confidently and looking her in the eyes...saying hello...and walking right ion the the next person i see. Maybe i'll give her friends a hug lol. She has a new bf..so i'd like nothing better than to walk there with some one as well. If you handle the situation right...it will really get under her skin. All girls crave attention. And when they see that they dont have that same hook on you, they go crazy. So just be very calm and collected.

[joyce1412]

I'm thinking about the same thing,as I'm going back home, and will definitely bump into him at one point. I was thinking about just ignoring him, if I see him. I made it clear to him that i didn't want any contact with him, even said the words " if you ever see me, don't bother saying hello". Soooo...my question is, would it be really bad and childish not to even look at him, or blank him, and not even say hello,would that make me seem still hung up on him? The thing is I really don't want to speak to him, and I know if I said hello he would. I just....don't have anything to say. Any thoughts on this?

 

i don't think it's ever a good idea to just ignore. makes a person look childish.

 

if he was a super jerk to you, why not just say "hello," smile politely, and walk on by? it will make you look like a pretty darn big person. because when you don't talk to him at all, you show that you're still mad, and by showing that you're still mad, you're showing that you still CARE. just say hello like you would if you passed by a mere acquaintance.

 

a hello never hurt anyone, right? and it's not like by greeting him you're showing interest. you're acknowledging his presense and moving right on. no big deal!

[joyce1412]

I will be running into mine in a few weeks as shes still in college and i just graduated. We will bump into each other at football games as we have common friends. Im planning on walking right up there confidently and looking her in the eyes...saying hello...and walking right ion the the next person i see. Maybe i'll give her friends a hug lol. She has a new bf..so i'd like nothing better than to walk there with some one as well. If you handle the situation right...it will really get under her skin. All girls crave attention. And when they see that they dont have that same hook on you, they go crazy. So just be very calm and collected.

 

try not to bank on her caring if you bring someone. yeah, she might care, but she also has a new boyfriend, so she might not. i think your initial idea of just saying hello sounds best. if you give her friends a hug and not her that's going to look pretty low.

[joyce1412]

oh man...

 

just found out the ex is in town for over a MONTH. under normal circumstances it's only a few days at a time.

 

wonderful.

[Allie.]

ouch.

 

hang in there.