Rob38

holding hands certainly doesnt help....that is your fault...but the rest isnt..its all on him

I am in a similar boat. my ex has been with someone for a little over a month now. it has helped em tremendously to really move on. The best way to handle it is with grace. Be confident in yourself, and have some pride within yourself. I know that i am a great person and I know that she will have a ahrd time replacing that. If it's meant to be it finds a way, but definitely let the ex play the field out. Don't be bitter about it. I actually sent her an email saying that I am happy to know that she is happy. I'm sure she was floored by that. But continue NC from there, and if you talk again, you will either not want anything to do with them or you may end up talking again. Who knows what happens in the future and more importantly, you realize what you had when you dont have it anymore...so if you were truly a good ex to them, they can never forget that. Take some time and improve yourself, and you regain that power back slowly, but surely.

I will be running into mine in a few weeks as shes still in college and i just graduated. We will bump into each other at football games as we have common friends. Im planning on walking right up there confidently and looking her in the eyes...saying hello...and walking right ion the the next person i see. Maybe i'll give her friends a hug lol. She has a new bf..so i'd like nothing better than to walk there with some one as well. If you handle the situation right...it will really get under her skin. All girls crave attention. And when they see that they dont have that same hook on you, they go crazy. So just be very calm and collected.

u did the right thing. nc is the way to go. Mine tried the same thing after our breakup...I want to be with you but I'm scared...I regret so much blah blah...but in the end she was just tryin to get me to hang around until the summer when now she has a new bf. So we havent talked in over a month now....and its fine. They try to hold onto you as a friend bc if their new relationship doesnt play out...they think that you will be there for them. So by going nc...you help yourself and also may make her realize that she does need you after all

So i made a post a few weeks ago....My ex...i was her 1st had alot of issues with herself and it really brought us down..see thread... Anyhow...ive been doin the no contact thin g for a while...she has been seein a new guy for a few weeks...and in her aim profile...she has a quote..."I dont believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now"..ordinarily..i wouldnt care...but I was her 1st...and she had that same quote for me..i think this is very bizzarre and her way of tryin to make me show ome emotion..bc she could have any other thing about him in there...she just by coincidence puts the same exact lyric in there about him that she had about me....i dunno..thats somethin i wouldnt do and not many people would. its only 2 weeks old...her relationship with the new guy...and she seems to be goin so fast...is this a possible rebound??

And the icing on the cake is the virgin thing. she told m numerous times how all guys are only after one thing...and she knew that i was different. yeah i wanted it..but it wasnt like i needed it or id leave her...but dealing with a virgin and all that bs it tough work...i did everything to try to get her to loosen up, but everythime i hinted at sex....not ready blah blah... * * *

you did...but maybe you can fix it don't talk to her for a while

No contact definitely helps....worst case scnario you get over her and you get with someone else....let some time pass...and be confident...if shes seein another guy..this may play to your advantage...bc whetehr they want you to know it or not...you are on their mind in some capacity.

sometimes taking a few minutes and getting on the same page can make all the difference.

Going out helps...but nothing serious...it can only complicate it. i have been grieving on ad off for 4 months...and I would feel awful if i met someone great and rushed it. Let yourself grieve. o out have fun...but you will know when you can move on. And that is when you can kiss another peron and not think about the last one you kissed.

Yeah i agree with you there. She herself said she doubts she will ever find someone as good at doing the little things and being sweet. I dont plan on contacting her at all. she has a new boyfriend, and it hurts. But I know I treated her well, so I can live with that. She knows that she wasnt the best in the end. I cant help but think that I may have been her learning experience, where one learns from and then moves on. But, I firmly believe that we will talk again at some point. I showed her what love is. I also told her that it requires constant effort. Sometimes 5 minutes a day can make all the difference. Right now i know I cant talk to her bc of the new guy, but i will probably run into her in the fall at football games and such. She still is in school. One more thing I should have mentined was that she did alot of comparing to her other friends relationships. Mind you, her 3 best friends have all been with their guys for atleast 2 years. Some for 5 years. She claimed she is so far ebhind and is tired of hearing about how perfect they are compared to how she looked at us. Like I said, we were getting stronger and stronger in every aspect of our relationship...and then...bam...it turned bad slowly but surely. Sometimes she would be really into us/me...then other times...nothing. When i asked why...she just said that its not always the 1st thing on her mind. She is a stressball at times. We messed around alot in the first 6 months or so...but not after. Soemtimes when things werent great...she would sleep over...and she would love having me hold her...and at times..i would wake her in the morning by lissing her. She loved this....but i think in the end...she wasnt into it because our intimacy /connection was hurt. and in terms of sex...i told her right from the beginning that she needed to tell me when she was ready. When i said that ..it freaked her out. A few times wehn we are away from each other over break..we got into conversations and talked about what we liked doing with each other. She said she wasnt ready fro sex yet...but she sometimes wants to..but she thought it was too soon. But i couldnt do much to compensate her need as she wouldnt let me go down on her at all...the only thing she would allow was for me to go down with my hand..but she said its very hard to get ehr that way. Also, she was very uncomfortable like i said with her body. it was clear she was uncomfortable with her body. She would get upset at times saying we dont do anything...and my response was bc you arent comfortable with me. She said she doesnt know why and that if she loved me she wouldnt care what she looked like. She was embarrassed to ask her friends what she could do to excite me. She was very sheltered. I didnt pressure her...but I wanted it obviously. but i loved her more. UGH

I mean, I still ahve feelings for her obviously. But, I know I cant be with her with her still like she is. But I was doing well for a while, but seeing her witha new boyfriend...really hurt bc I knew how I was to her. But I also realize I was her first. She has to grow up a little. It was ahrd for me not to doubt myself because I was broken up with and it seems like she doesnt know i exist anymore. But again...our problems really didnt start until the issues with her started..we always had great conversations and all. I guess I want the best advice. I have been talking to girls myself. I plan on dating, and whatever happens happens. I never treated her badly, but like i said, if i was guilty of anything, it was jsut that I loved her in the end and it wasnt being reciprocated. It seems like now that she is soo happy after a few weeks. Its hard to believe because I dont know how she could have fixed her issues. But I also know that someone like her craves the honeymoon.

I agree...Remove her from your list, but do not block. This will work against you. Remove her and try not to look at what shes doing. Its torture. You put the ball in her court. She knows what you want. If you feel like she knows this and knows your sorry, theres not much else to do. When she talks to you, she will...dont bring up the relationship unless she does. Let her wonder what youre thinking.

Okay. here it goes. I am a 21 year old male who recently graduated coollege. i started dating a girl who was a year younger than me last June (2005). We had been friends for a good amount of time before this. I was her first boyfriend, and thus her 1st everything. I really held this girl in high regard and I treated her very well. It took her a while to really begin to do stuff physically. We went alot of places together and always had such great conversations. We were able to talk about everything. She told me she loved me after 2 months, so right around september. This girl is a very hard working girl and stresses herself out alot. I would do alot of things for her to help her through it. She started to be really moody and short with me at times, and one time I walked out of her dorm and left. She came calling back saying she didnt kno why she was acting like she was, and that she needed to change because if she didnt, I would leave her. We moved on from that and things were again happy. In November, right before Thanksgiving, we had a bunch of people over my apt for a party. I caught her lying to me about talking to a guy on the phone and I called her on it. She was so shaken by my calling her on it, that we had the biggest night of passion we ahd ever had. Reminder...I was her 1st, she was 20 at this point. She proceeded to give me a BJ and also shower together, both things we had talked about but never really did. From here, through Christmas, I really started to notice something different about her. She was barely over a hundred pounds, and def. not overweight. However, she started to get really self conscious about how she loked and claimed that she was ugly and had ugly features. She calimed she would be happier if she was skinnier like her other friends. This really started to take its toll. All of a sudden, she would go in the corner to get changed when i was in the room and such. Our communication also was effected because Our conversations seemed to go from us to other issues with her. What made us so close in the 1st place was the fact that we shared everything with each other. Then, there wasnt much. Our Christmas break was up and down. We went to Miami together and had a very nice time, but I expected some romance to take place, but not much occurred as every time i tried, she would shy away. I wasnt about to force it. i loved her. She told me she wasnt ready for sex and that she also wasnt comfortable down there for much else. She became very dpressed when she was at home over break and we began to have fights. I was like her counselor. She would always come to me and talk about her problems. She has this thing, where she always worried about what other people thought, and some of her friends were taking advantage of her. Her miserableness was really starting to take its toll. I told her that i was contemplating breaking up with her if things didnt change bc she was treating me not so well. I claimed I didnt deserve it. She agreed and said things like, no one loves me, and that she doesnt blame me for wanting that bc she deserves it. I then said that I wanted to stick by her and get through this with her. She said that it meant the world to her bc no one else had ever been like that to her before. (She had always had bad experiences with boys before me). I said that we will work through this together. However, it dodnt work out. Mid march she broke up with me saying she didnt feel the passion anymore. I didnt disagree. Our last few months together were very bla, not much excitement. She wasnt treating me well, but I was sticking by her. She had a day where she cried alot, I skipped class to come and hold her, she was not really pleased and continued to ridicule me. She said she doesnt have time, she was swamped with work. Publicly, I wasnt showing much affection for her anymore, I think because her actions were starting to get to me. But I still loved her and all that. She was very inconsistent in the end. She would be happy with me one day, and not the next. She then questioned her feelings saying she didnt think she was in love anymore. It was very difficult for me. Anyway, she broke up. We then dealt with the usual back and forth talk, she was confused and we thought about getting back together. Needless to say, now in july, she has a new bf as of last week. She did say to me things like in my eyes you never did anything wrong and that she realizes she was the one who caused this to fail. I was hard on her, because I said that I felt our relationship started fizzling when she started doubting herslef and her self esteem was low. She didnt disagree, but said that she cant help how she feels. I have been hard on myself bc I cant help but think that by me standing by her and loving her (doing special things for her) that she lsot respect for me because I wasnt standing up for myself anymopre. She would treat me not so great, but I would still be there for her. She admitted later that she took it for granted. In the end, talking before bed was a chore also. We once had great convos before bed, but in the end, it was very bland and she would always say she was soo tired everythine i tried to get deeper. She was not into it. We havent talked in over a month, as i have started the no contact. Any opinions. Was it my fault because I didnt keep yelling at her for treating me badly when I knew she was having a ahrd time. I tried to love her more and more and it ended up not helping, but hurting. All through that time, she was obsessed with the gym and lsing weight. In the end, one of the only times she had open for us would be for me to get up early with her and go to the gym. So again, was this something I could have avoided by dropping her, or was I rigth in trying to satnd by her, when she had told me it meant alot to her, even though she wasnt showing it. Or, was her self esteem issue...that led to our communication problems and thuus our loss of intimacy? ANy comments would be appreciated. If you need more info, i doubt it...i could post. I eman, I am a nice guy,...but I really dont think I was a wussy. I let her know how I didnt like waht she was doing to me . i did stand up for myself at times. But at the end, I really didnt. i think i really wanted us to work and didnt want to break up, and that made me tolerate it bc i saw her so unhappy with herself.