what's wrong with me...

[gavindark]

My gf of 3 years broke up with me about 4 months ago now, and it really shook me up a lot. I had never gone through anything like it and I went into a deep state of depression, and even know I'm a lot better now, I still feel like I'm far from being back to normal. I used to love being around other people, but now its harder for me and I seem to prefer isolation to others' company. To make matters worse for me, I recently started grad school on the other side of the country from where I've been the last 5 years. All the close friends I have are far away from me now, and I find myself regretting the choice I made to come here. I had an option to stay in California for grad school, but at the time, I was still with my ex (who is in school outside the US right now), and I was excited about starting life in a completely new environment. But once I went through the breakup, I feel very different now. I don't want to be here, I want to be back with my friends. I don't have any close friends here and it seems like a daunting and somewhat impossible task for me to make friends again. Had this breakup never happened, I would have been fine, but I'm not myself anymore. I'm a depressed guy who just wants to sit at home, and I know I should get out more, but I just don't feel like it. Doing well in grad school is going to dictate how the rest of my life pans out, and if my mind isn't in it anymore, I don't know how I'm going to get through it. I don't want my ex's actions to affect the rest of my life, but I can't help it. I greatly prefer companionship to dating and meeting new girls, and I had that. Now I don't and I want it again.

 

I think of myself as a fairly good catch. I'm smart, I'm funny, and I'm attractive (or so I like to think). I went out on a date for the first time in my life (usually I end up falling with someone who I've been friends with first), and I quickly realized I'm not the dating type. I get awkward and nervous around anyone I like. That's why when I end up falling for a friend, it's easier for me. I already know them, so I don't get nearly as awkward. Well I really liked this girl I went out with, but I'm sure she's not into me anymore. I didn't come off as someone who was confident, and I'm sure she quickly realized she wasn't into me. I don't have any real friends here either, so I don't know how to go about meeting my next love interest. I have 5 years of a brutal phd program ahead of me, and I'm not looking forward to spending those years alone. I need to get out of this rut and move on. I need to meet new girls. I need to make new friends. I feel like my personality has changed for good, and I don't even know who I am myself anymore...

 

How do I get back to normal? How do I make myself more confident? How do I go about meeting girls? How do I get out of this depression?

[happyninja75]

in my opinion i think you need to just be happy with yourself. just enjoy your life as much as you can, you only get one. and as far as the pain and missing your ex, it takes time, you cant rush the healing process. and in time you will feel like yourself again i promiss. just remember this everything happens for a reason. there probebly is someone better out there for you.

[RedyWaiting]

Hey Gavin,

 

I went through the same thing as you (but only the alone thing) last December all the way to April where my friends had all left to school and I was all alone and I didn't have the energy to go out or meet people or search for girls. It was basically a hard depression, especially since it was winter and always dark and cold outside. The best way to overcome it is through keeping your mind occupied with something other than thinking about your life. Sitting at home all alone thinking about this is the Worst thing you can do. I'm sure you've read it before, but it's true; you gotta join the gym (best thing about the gym is that you can go alone!), or go biking while the weather is still good, or better yet take a vacation! Why don't you take a vacation to visit your friends for a couple weeks? or even a weekend if you're too busy with school now... or go wild and take a trip to Cuba! I know it's hard to not think about all the negative things, (I've been going through that for the past half a year!) but sitting at home is a bad move. Just get up and go anywhere you can, even a library (or Chapters ) to read a book, where there's people around and you won't feel so alone.

 

I hope that helped a bit