Don't know what to do...

[missingher]

I'm in love with a girl and I just can't see any hope. She lives in Germany and I live in the UK. I met her 5 years ago when she was studied at the same college for a year. We were really great friends, we both wanted it to be more than that but she was going out with a good friend of mine (also from the UK) so nothing happened.

 

I stayed in touch with her when she moved back to Germany and for a long time we would write every day. I think we were each other's closest friends. We told each other everything. I was the shoulder for her to cry on as the LD relationship she had with my friend fell appart. I remained supportive throughout and never tried to take advantage of the situation.

 

Years have passed and we have both had other partners, though we have always stayed in touch to some degree. In time we spoke less and less. Until last year when she came to visit (along with her new boyfriend) and we had some good times. I thought I was over her, but I was wrong. Even after all that time she was just the same, and the magic was still there.

 

We stayed in touch, and I saw her again last month (along with the same boyfriend) when I travelled to Germany on business. She drove 200 miles just to see me for two days. I can't tell you how this made me feel.

 

When I got home I decided that I should be honest with her and finally tell her how I felt. I think she was shocked when she found out, and told me she was happy with her current boyfriend (who is a really good guy, which makes this whole thing even more difficult) and couldn't face a LD relationship again.

 

She won't talk about it with me, which is strange because she would normally tell me anything; she just doesn't mention it and ignores my questions. I feel that this has driven us appart (something that I feared might happen) and don't know what to do. I would gladly remain her friend and confidant like I used to be.

 

It sounds weird, but I aren't jealous of her boyfriend. I just miss her. Terribly. It pains me that she can't open up to me. I need to talk to her but at the same time don't want to push the issue. Meanwhile I feel like I'm dying slowly inside. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't work. I can't describe the pain I feel at not even being able to talk to her face to face, and it _never_ stops!

 

I've never met anybody like her. I believe she is my soulmate. I can't see a way for it to work out, but I can't forget her either. I just don't know what to do. I can't get on with my life until I at least have the chance to talk to her properly, but I can't just turn up at her door either. I want to, but she's happy right now and I don't want to get in the way.

 

I never make life simple for myself. I must be the biggest fool in the world.

[Peter_L]

Welcome to eNotalone, friend. We all have our problems but it helps to share our advice.

Anyway your problem is extremely complicated due to the fact that you're both in different countries. I know exactly how it feels to miss someone that badly. Problem is I wasn't able to exactly solve mine.

The only advice I can give you is that you should keep your friendship with her going. And definitely push her to answering your questions if she won't answer your queries. Really try to keep in touch with her even if she has a boyfriend. Who knows? She might breakup with this boyfriend and look to you or you may not feel the same way in a month.

[SilverPlan]

Yeah, I've got a long distance relationship goin to, but my girlfriend is down in Arizona while I'm up here in Canada...we met online, and saw each others pics...we've had one breakup but got back together...we're trying to set a time to meet up with each other. At least I know about her current bf..who is now her ex...and I let her cry on my shoulder, and comfort her. But in your situation it would be best to keep in contact as much as possible, things happen which change peoples lives alot...good luck to you.

[missingher]

Cheers guys. The more I read the messages on this site I realise that I'm not alone (and compared to some I'm actually pretty lucky).

 

I do try to stay in touch as much as possible, but I don't want to scare her off by mailing her every five minutes. It hurts me that she doesn't mail me more often. Does anybody have any advice on what to do here? Should I just be patient?