I'm in love with a girl and I just can't see any hope. She lives in Germany and I live in the UK. I met her 5 years ago when she was studied at the same college for a year. We were really great friends, we both wanted it to be more than that but she was going out with a good friend of mine (also from the UK) so nothing happened.
I stayed in touch with her when she moved back to Germany and for a long time we would write every day. I think we were each other's closest friends. We told each other everything. I was the shoulder for her to cry on as the LD relationship she had with my friend fell appart. I remained supportive throughout and never tried to take advantage of the situation.
Years have passed and we have both had other partners, though we have always stayed in touch to some degree. In time we spoke less and less. Until last year when she came to visit (along with her new boyfriend) and we had some good times. I thought I was over her, but I was wrong. Even after all that time she was just the same, and the magic was still there.
We stayed in touch, and I saw her again last month (along with the same boyfriend) when I travelled to Germany on business. She drove 200 miles just to see me for two days. I can't tell you how this made me feel.
When I got home I decided that I should be honest with her and finally tell her how I felt. I think she was shocked when she found out, and told me she was happy with her current boyfriend (who is a really good guy, which makes this whole thing even more difficult) and couldn't face a LD relationship again.
She won't talk about it with me, which is strange because she would normally tell me anything; she just doesn't mention it and ignores my questions. I feel that this has driven us appart (something that I feared might happen) and don't know what to do. I would gladly remain her friend and confidant like I used to be.
It sounds weird, but I aren't jealous of her boyfriend. I just miss her. Terribly. It pains me that she can't open up to me. I need to talk to her but at the same time don't want to push the issue. Meanwhile I feel like I'm dying slowly inside. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't work. I can't describe the pain I feel at not even being able to talk to her face to face, and it _never_ stops!
I've never met anybody like her. I believe she is my soulmate. I can't see a way for it to work out, but I can't forget her either. I just don't know what to do. I can't get on with my life until I at least have the chance to talk to her properly, but I can't just turn up at her door either. I want to, but she's happy right now and I don't want to get in the way.
I never make life simple for myself. I must be the biggest fool in the world.
