Why does everybody have to let you down??

[femmegrl31709]

don't know why I can't seem to have a healthy relationship? My boyfriend and I broke up Wed. The day before our one year anniversary. He and I both are stubborn people and he thinks he did nothing wrong but I see it differently. Tell me what you think.......Here's my story Tues. I came to my mothers house to wash dishes b/c we were having plumbing problems (and we had an load of dirty dishes ) well I called my boyfriend asked what he was up to and he said nothing and then a minute later he was like can I call you back in a little bit so I said OK and then never heard back from him. Two hours later when I got through with all the dishes I called him back and told him I was through and he was like oh your cousin is here( supposedly to see me and my mother lives a block away). I was fine with it at first......well we get back somehow her keys are lost.....she said she came right in and sat on the couch and didn't move......her keys STILL haven't been found!!!!! They were both high as hell and it rubbed me the wrong way. I will say that I overreacted the first day but I did let both of them know that I didn't like it and didn't want it to happen again b/c I know that my cousin is a and I love her but don't trust her......Well the next day women's intuition told me to stop by there again and she was there!!!! Yes she had to get her keys but I told her to not go by there without me but yeah she was there and AGAIN they were both high as hell!!! Well needless to say I went off ! I don't think they had sex(I my be stupid for that) but the fact that both of them disrespected me when I told them both I didn't like it I was highly pissed off! Well I showed my and then he and I were talking and trying to work it out and anytime we talked about it we would start fussing again. He thinks he did nothing at all wrong and I do. And when we argue he is the type that will say any mean thing that comes to mind so the breaking point was when he said "Why don't you do everybody a favor and kill yourself" to me that is the most awful thing that you could ever say to someone. Oh but naturally he didn't mean that........and he always says that after he says something so mean. Well ya know there are somethings that you just can't take back after they are said and to me that is one of them. I mean I would not ever think of even saying that! I am not saying that I am perfect and do no wrong b/c lord knows I do. And now he acts like he is just fine with everything and I am wrong for showing emotion. I just can't do that it bothers me and I love him. I can't make that stop at the drop of a hat. I would like a strangers input on the whole thing. Am I wrong???

[DN]

Leaving aside for a moment the problems with your current boyfriend - but why do you say you can't seem to have a healthy relationship? Have your other relationships been like this?

[Relationship Coach]

I'd have to agree with you that this all seems too convenient. He needs to respect your feelings and needs to curb his tongue. He has no right to speak to you that way and say such hurtful things. Maybe you need to talk to your cousin one on one to let her know that you don't appreciate her dropping by when you are not around. This is not about a lack of trust but more about her lack or respect along with your BF's. Is there more going on here? Maybe. You need to keep your eyes open. I've lost my keys when I was perfectly straight, so losing them while you are stoned is par for the course. I just have a hard time believing the couch ate them! Next time, type in a normal non-bold or italic font! Reading more than one post like this can kill the eyes after reading countless posts all day! Thanks!

 

RC

[femmegrl31709]

Yeah I am a long term person I guess you would say. I have been in 2 other relationships one for 9 years that ended b/c I found out he had cheated for 2 years with my best friend. The 2nd for 4 years and that ended b/c I found out he cheated with our roommate. So I know that I do have trust issues. Both of them new that about my past relationships. I just feel like yeah I may be overreacting but you never know who is going to hurt you even your family.

[femmegrl31709]

Ok so I am suppose to be going through a break up. I wrote last night about my situation. Well after I wrote last night he called me trying to be nice and I was. I let him know that I was tired and going to bed. First thing this morning he called again, asking if I would come over saying that he misses me. I told him that I could not do that b/c I am not strong enought to act like we are just friends and that is what he is doing. Then I find out that he called his ex. Like I said before he says the most hurtful things to me that he think of....one of them was that she (his ex) was 400x better than me. Now he wants me to be OK with him talking to her! How could he expect me to be? I mean you say that to me which makes me think you would like to be with her if she would take you back. I don't know what to do I think he is trying to drive me crazy! What should I do? And to think I actually thought about going over there! I am such an idot. Sorry if this makes no sense my mind is racing with all kind of thoughts that don't really make sense to me.](*,)

[Relationship Coach]

You need to decide at what point is this relationship just too taxing for you! I think you are acting and reacting well with in what is being thrown at you. If you are trying to end it, that will never work. Trying is not a full commitment, ending it 100% and going NC is. You are vulnerable to his little attempts to get you back under his control, he does not like the idea of you having the upper hand. Make a decision and stick with it and you will be just fine.

 

RC