depressed.

[bebecole]

ive been so depressed these past few days, my anxity has been bad.

just recently (in the past 2 months) my bestfriend died. in the mix of everything my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years stopped talking to me for no legit reason and ignored all my calls knowing my bestfriend passed away. ive started therapy about a month ago, im not sure if its working, but im starting medication soon (lexipro) for depression and anxity disorder but im worried things arent gona get better. i Stopped hanging out with my other friends because of how bad things have gotten. i hate this feeling so much, i just want it to go away, just when i think i have grip of things my depression comes along and ruins it. i just dont know what to do anymore dealing with my friends death and my boyfriend screwing me over for no reason.

[nottoogreen]

Hi bebecole,

 

Med's are not much use without addressing the causes.

 

An example for broken expectations. You love your bf, expect you bf to love, respect and care you, but he does not.

 

This broken expectation becomes unmeetable if you are unable to change him.

 

Unmeetable expectations break us.

 

Once you have enough broken/unmeetable expectations, you get depressed.

 

So, please sit back for a moment and think about what your broken/unmeetable expectations are and tell us.

 

Depression - balance yourself

What is depression? Depression is a mental pain caused by an imbalance between expectations and ability. To make the pain go away, one has to improve ones ability (do better) and/or change ones expectations. In other words, to avoid depression, one ought to balance ability and expectations. Balance is it, as so often in life.

 

Ability Improving ones ability (doing better) can include for example overcoming lethargy, exercise, work better (often less hours!), learning new things, developing interests and hobbies, spending less time on unproductive and draining favorites like TV, RPG, online, party and hanging out, spending more time with loved ones and strong friends.

 

Expectations

When having suffered trauma (abuse, accidents, rape, ridicule)

, one has to overcome negative feelings which "broke" expectations by emphasizing on positive thoughts and a good future. Also feelings of guilt must be overcome.

Always remember, what someone did to you was not your fault!!!

 

Otherwise

, sometimes expectations are too high and must be reduced by dropping things one is unable to do. Examples include overcoming breakup, loss of a loved one, unrealistic objectives about career, peoples behavior or looking like a super model.

 

Self-esteem and self-worth always are part of ones "basic" expectations.

 

Change is cure. These ideas are by no means novel. Change requires patience and persistence as it's the case with all success. And there will be setbacks, it will take time to heal.

[rose2summer]

Have you tried exercise? It is the best therapeutic in my opinion for depression, stress, anything of the sort. Keep posting, we are here to listen.

[bebecole]

Have you tried exercise? It is the best therapeutic in my opinion for depression, stress, anything of the sort. Keep posting, we are here to listen.

 

yes for a while i was exercising.. i havent done it in a while because the weather has been horrible with a bad heat wave.

[rose2summer]

Get back to exercising, it's a natural anti-depressant. If it's hot outside, jog in the morning (early) or in the evening. You can even exercise indoors. You just want to make sure you give your body the TLC it deserves.

[avman]

Hello bebecole,

 

Your best friend would not want you to die. She would want you to go on and do all the things in your life that both of you talked about. She would want you to be happy.

 

I can understand you being depressed. You have a lot to be dealing with and these feelings you have are very normal under the circumstances. You are grieving the loss of two relationships that were very important to you and that's a lot to handle.

 

I think it is very good you are getting some counseling and assistance. You don't have to go through this alone so don't even try. If they recommend some medication temporarily to help stabilize you then by all means give it a try. It will take away those crashing lows that really debilitate you and help you focus. Then you can work through the grieving that you need to do.

 

I was in a similar situation when my father died several years ago. Between my job, marriage, father, and a few other things I went into a deep depression where it seemed things would never get better. But with the help of counselors, friends, and some medication eventually they did get a lot better.

 

Hang in there.

[Rain__man]

Sunlight is also a great natural antidepressant. Make sure you don't keep yourself locked up! Take advantage of that heat wave, and take a few beers to the park, lake, wherever you can just chill and relax in the sun.

 

Also, don't expect yourself to just be "normal" through all this. You are going to be down for a little while, accept it, and vow to not let this become who you are forever, no matter what is going on in your life.

 

 

Edit: Good time to steal Agen't sig...

"Don't be sad, don't be angry, if life deceives you! Submit to your grief; your time for joy will come, believe me."--Aleksandr Pushkin

[avman]

I agree with everything Rain man said except for the beers.

 

I'd avoid alcohol because alcohol is a depressant. It will actually make you feel worse.

 

But sunlight, absolutely!!

[nottoogreen]

Hi bebecole,

 

Wow, you are not very talkative. I wish you that today is a better day and that more better days are to come.

 

Here are some ideas which I hope make you feel better.

• You are precious, your life is precious and you deserve to be happy!
  
• Look after your body and love yourself!
  
• When someone hurt or abused you it was not your fault!
  
• You have a future, you always will as long as you do not give up!
  
• You deserve to be understood, but to expect understanding is very foolish.
  
• Regrets are the most difficult feelings to deal with.
  
• Life often is like three steps forward and one step back. Expect setbacks and do not let setbacks bother you. Just move along your chosen path.
  
• Realistic expectations. Carefully consider your expectations as unrealistic expectations breed resentment and set you up for failure.
  
• Be realistic about your ability and carefully consider your ability as your failure to meet your expectations hurts you and may hurt others.
  
• Patience and persistence. Changing any situation or yourself takes time and effort. Changing your feelings takes time and is often painful. It does make sense to endure reasonable pain for a better happier future.
  
• Adaptability of your mind. Your biggest strength is that your mind adapts to what you do often and the more so, the more motivated you are. As you move up, your mental ability increases. This strength is also your biggest weakness as your mental ability decreases when you are frustrated or unmotivated. Your mind also adapts to negative thinking. Thus it is important to think positive!
  
• Break circles of thought. If you realize that you think or fear the same again and again, break out of it by telling yourself: STOP, NO WORRIES. Divert your thoughts away from a circle of thought. The Mental survival activities or Exercise activities below may be of help to distract you.
  
• Mental survival activities. Develop one or more mental activities which can occupy your mind and give you a sense of calmness and accomplishment. One activity should be as simple as possible in order to be performable at any time. Exercise these activities regularly. Examples are: writing poems, writing down feelings, drawing, a journal and reading. Use the Exercise activities below as alternative and for backup. Be prepared and never run out of supplies to perform these activities. These activities train you on focusing your mind and give you a sense of accomplishment.
  
• Exercise activities. Develop an interest in one or more physical activities and perform these regularly. Examples are push-ups, sit-ups, running, swimming and biking. At least have one activity you can perform in your room and one out-door activity. Exercise is healthy and gives you a sense of accomplishment.
  
• Be sure you have enough sleep. Sleep deprivation makes manic and leads to countless secondary problems from anxiety, over-acting, over-excitement, over-thinking to under-performing. If you can't sleep, perform Mental survival activities and/or Exercise activities until you relax enough to fall asleep. Given training and experience, you will relax and fall asleep! No pills needed!
  
• KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid. Do not over-act, over-excite or over-think.
  
• Help - If you have questions or need help, please post or seek professional help!
  

 

When you feel ready talk, just go ahead.

[MI_Shell]

What you are going through is the grieving process and sometimes it is only natural to be depressed. Give yourself the opportunity to grieve for your friend and relationship. Loss can take time to heal from. I would not rush into medication as that should be a last resort.

 

It is a time to put yourself first. Rest when you need to. Pamper yourself with some nice chocolates and a good movie rest your mind and body. It is amazing how good company with people with a sense of humor can help snap you out of it for a little while and give you a fresh perspective on things.

 

Sometimes when you get out of the house and spend time with others things don't seem so bad or you can feel a bit better to cope with it. I find music and nature to be soothing to the soul when I need comforting.

 

This is a season, nothing stays the same and you will get through it.

[bebecole]

well my therapist says i have to go on medication because of my anxity disorder. im okay today, im acually at work rite now but im filling in, in a differnt office.

thanks all for the advice when i got home from work yesterday i went to the gym to excrise i havent gone in a while but hopefully i can stick to it to releive my anxity and depression.

[MI_Shell]

Sounds like you have a good plan. If your body is fit and healthy that has to benefit you and help you with the anxiety. Good to hear that you are at work too, just sticking to a routine can help.

[nottoogreen]

Hi bebecole,

 

Med's as part of therapy can help much.

 

Please work with your therapist and be open and resolve all your negative feelings and fill your mind with positive expectations and work towards them.

 

Exercise is really good and remember to sleep enough.

 

Patience and persistence and if you have questions or need help, just ask.