This should be a happy time for me... but everyone's ruining it!

[shorty20]

So my fiance and I are engaged ot be married December 23rd. It's really last minute, so I'm running around like mad trying to plan things. He can't help me because he's in teh Army stationed at Georgia. So, at first we wern't going to have a wedding, just go to the court and then have a big reception, but my parents were not supportive of that at all. So, to please them, I changed plans a little bit to try to encorporate a small wedding. Then I was trying to pick out the wedding party, and it just seems like a popularity contest... I would think my friends would want to be there for me and support me, not complain about who is the "maid of honor"... my dad is still freaking out about the whole thing that happened with the apartment and how we might owe them money. (I posted a few threads about it, but we might owe my apartments $6,000 for a fire my roommate started) and I've told him time and time again, if it happens that we do have to pay, I'll take care of it (get a loan or if my fiance has it, have him help me) but he can't find it in himself to let it go and just let me be happy for once! On top of that out of all my friends I have maybe 2 that completely support me in my decision to marry this man. How could anyone tell me who is right or wrong for me? Wouldn't I be the one to know that? I am just getting so frusterated and deffinatley finding out who my real friends are I guess.... I guess I just thought this would be a happy time for me, and I'm getting overwhelmed with stress and expectations of other people for MY wedding!

[Beyondthesea]

I just got engaged, and can honestly say that my parents were all over me with details and complaints about who should be invited or not, but other than that I have blatantly told people that if they don't like it, don't come.

 

Sadly you have to set boundaries. Your friends must be immature if there's arguments over who will be the maid of honor. Tell everyone that it's your wedding, period!

 

But why do people think he's not right for you? That's more what I'm curious about.

[shorty20]

because technically we've only dated 3 months. Thats all they see. But what they don't see is that we dated in highschool, were best friends in highschool and then lost touch becuase he transfered schools. Theres alot more history than just 3 months, and the moment I saw him again, I knew he was the one... it's like in the movies where everything else stops around you and it's just the two of you... ya I know kinda cliche but thats what it was like. Everyone thinks I'm moving to fast but in our situation (military life) it's more complicated and getting married is teh best option for us. I know I am going to spend the rest of my life with him so I don't see the reason in waiting.

[Beyondthesea]

the moment I saw him again, I knew he was the one

 

*smiles* That's me too.

 

You know what, to heck with what everyone else says. I haven't dated my fiance very long, only a year. But you know what? If he would have asked me to marry him within a few months of the relationship, I would have. I KNEW, and so do you it appears.

[Batya33]

if you want to have a party to please your parents, fine. But, I would forget about having a bridal party because it sounds like it's more trouble than it's worth. I would also lose the attitude that it is "your" wedding and that your family doesn't have a right to have a say in what is done and not done. It is a 5-hour party at most so the more you can just be flexible and focus on the marriage instead of the wedding, the better.

 

As far as your friends, tell them nicely to please keep their opinions to themselves. If you care about what they think of your fiancee ask yourself how much you care and why since you say you are so "sure" of him. Sure, if it were me and I was only 21, military or not I would date him for a year before deciding whether to marry. You knew him in high school but that is a very young stage of life and your "just knowing" likely is based as much on infatuation as it is on the real person. But that's just me!

[Beyondthesea]

I believe whoever is paying has a say in what is done or not...since my family isn't, it's up to my fiance & I what flies!

[rose2summer]

Oh, I really like this thread. How did you know he was the one shorty and beyondthesea, what made you feel that way?

[Sally00]

Only 3 months? Honestly, I can understand why everyone is not that happy about you getting married. It's probably a little too soon. Especially since he's in the army and you probably don't see him often. You may be moving a little too fast... plus you're young.

 

My boyfriend and I have been good friends for over a year and we've been dating for 6 months now. We are madly in love with each other and talk about marriage all the time. If I told my parents we're getting married now, they would freak out. It's too soon and I'm young as well.

 

Quote from you: Everyone thinks I'm moving to fast but in our situation (military life) it's more complicated and getting married is teh best option for us.

Why is getting married the best option? And why would it make the situation easier?

 

Quote from Batya33: Sure, if it were me and I was only 21, military or not I would date him for a year before deciding whether to marry. You knew him in high school but that is a very young stage of life and your "just knowing" likely is based as much on infatuation as it is on the real person.

I say being "intimate" with your man for atleast a year before you marry them is important. Only 3 months... that's nothing. I totally agree with Batya33. Just knowing them doesn't mean anything. I can say I've known someone for 5 years.. but hardly talk to them or hang out. You know what I mean? But I agree with her.

 

Don't rush into anything! If ya'll are meant to be, it will be. You don't have to get married right away. You don't want to end up regretting it... it'll be more complicated to end it if you're already married. You need to be with them for a lot longer... know who he is...

 

That's my take on it.

[shorty20]

Sally, the reason that getting married now makes things easier is because origionally I had planned on moving out there in december and then living together and getting married in April. He kept saying "why don't we just get married in December" because it is only 5 months difference. I wasn't hearing it, but then I got to thinking about how when I move out there, if we're not married we are going to have to sign a lease and get an apartment without any financial help from the military since we wouldn't be married yet. Then we'd also be stuck in a lease for a year whereas if we'd get married in december we'd be moved into base housing and not have to worry about money or looking for a place to live. Also, being married will make it easier for me to get a job on base, and then if and when he gets transfered I'll most likley be able to be transfered (job wise) with him so I'll have some stability that way too. I just don't see the point in waiting 5 more months when all of these things are pointing to getting married in december.

 

rose, I knew he was "the one" the second I saw him. We hadn't seen each other in 6 years, and all of the old feelings came rushing back like we'd never even been apart. We stayed up all night that first night talking and laughing about old times... we had changed so much but at the same time we still had the same connection that we'd had before. A week later I got really really sick, but he still wanted to come over. He spent one of his few saturdays home (he was on leave and had to go back in a month) taking care of me. I slept pretty much the whole night, but he just cuddled up next to me, watched tv, got me water when I needed it... just took care of me. He same me our song "I love you just the way you are" by Elton John, and the rest is history I guess... when you're in love and it's right, you just know.

 

Batya, I am compramising alot with my parents. They do have a say in what goes on because they are the ones that will be paying most of the money. Tomorrow, my mom, my fiance's mom, and the maid of honor and I are going to look for dresses and look at a few locations that we could do the ceremony at. I was a little stressed out when I posted this, but sometimes I Just need to sit back and realize that my parents just want the best for me and want me to be happy. I had the more "it's my wedding" towards the friends that were getting all catty about who was the maid of honor, like it was a popularity contest. I pretty much said, fine, you guys are going to be like this, then My sister is my maid of honor. All of them will be bride's maids so there's no conflict there.

[Sally00]

Getting married for financial stability is not a reason to be married...

That's... awful.

[shorty20]

ok, it may sound "awful" since you are obviously taking things out of context. I AM NOT marrying the love of my life for "financial stability" like you just said. If you read the origional thread, I planned on marrying him in April anyway, so we are getting married a few months earlier becuase it is more convenient, and I don't see any point in wasting time and waiting around if I know this is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with.

[Pheonixpassion84]

After reading this thread...

 

I think that maybe 3 months of dating is a short time. And that with the military it may be difficult to see eachother...

 

but isn't that what love's about? It shouldn't matter what the circumstances are, love will survive anything. Plus it is her decision who and when she wants to marry. She should enjoy it!

 

Good luck with the wedding. Hope you find a pretty dress!

[Beyondthesea]

Exactly. It's up to you who you marry, when you get married, etc. To heck with what everyone else thinks.

 

Rose, I just knew my fiance was the one for me when we danced. The moment we started dancing and we pulled one another close...I'll never forget it. I can still feel the way his arms felt around me...

 

Then when we were talking, the way we looked into one another's eyes...we were both crazy about one another!!!

 

I can honestly say that if only I had realized what it was 'supposed to feel like' I would have ditched 'non-the-ones' without working so hard trying to 'make them fit.'

 

That's what another big thing was too...we moved in together basically right away (within 3 months) and we got along perfectly. Whenever something isn't right, we work it out immediately. Amazing.

 

You WILL know when 'the one' comes along. I never believed it either!

[hardcharger]

add me to the list of "everyone" who thinks you are moving way too fast.