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i went through a breakup last fall - after being with a girl for 6 years. we lived together and had bought a house together. i thought our life was all mapped out.

 

several months later, i was eager to date again.......i felt i was moving forward. and i met a girl who was very intriguing and entertaining, flirty and very interested in me. we started dating and after a few weeks i realized that she had some lifelong issues she's been trying to live with all her life.

 

we had some down times......and then she started medication and therapy. however, that girl i first met is gone. i don't know what happened to her or where she went. but she's gone.

 

we broke up 2 weeks ago and things were tough last week. but then this past weekend we kind of mended some fences - you can check out my post in break-up section if you are interested.

 

anyway, i don't think things are going to work out. i'm finally starting to realize that. and i've been depressed for 2 weeks.......i wasn't this depressed with my last breakup.

 

anyway, i think i need to get on some medication.....i've never been on any before........can anyone give me some advice - it's just short term depression.

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Hi abbet,

 

She is gone, you expected to be together with her, your expectation was broken, you can't do anything about it, thus you feel depressed. It's natural, we all have been there.

 

The solution is to let her go in peace, to drop that expectation in order to be at peace with yourself. Please remember your happy times together, your experience and let go without regrets. You will find new love, better love.

 

Please learn this for your peace of mind.

Most important to remember and perform.

This is the most important part of this guide. Please take it seriously as your success largely depends on it.

  • You are precious, your life is precious and you deserve to be happy!
  • Look after your body and love yourself!
  • When someone hurt or abused you it was not your fault!
  • You have a future, you always will as long as you do not give up!
  • You deserve to be understood, but to expect understanding is very foolish.
  • Regrets are the most difficult feelings to deal with.
  • Life often is like three steps forward and one step back. Expect setbacks and do not let setbacks bother you. Just move along your chosen path.
  • Realistic expectations. Carefully consider your expectations as unrealistic expectations breed resentment and set you up for failure.
  • Be realistic about your ability and carefully consider your ability as your failure to meet your expectations hurts you and may hurt others.
  • Patience and persistence. Changing any situation or yourself takes time and effort. Changing your feelings takes time and is often painful. It does make sense to endure reasonable pain for a better happier future.
  • Adaptability of your mind. Your biggest strength is that your mind adapts to what you do often and the more so, the more motivated you are. As you move up, your mental ability increases. This strength is also your biggest weakness as your mental ability decreases when you are frustrated or unmotivated. Your mind also adapts to negative thinking. Thus it is important to think positive!
  • Break circles of thought. If you realize that you think or fear the same again and again, break out of it by telling yourself: STOP, NO WORRIES. Divert your thoughts away from a circle of thought. The Mental survival activities or Exercise activities below may be of help to distract you.
  • Mental survival activities. Develop one or more mental activities which can occupy your mind and give you a sense of calmness and accomplishment. One activity should be as simple as possible in order to be performable at any time. Exercise these activities regularly. Examples are: writing poems, writing down feelings, drawing, a journal and reading. Use the Exercise activities below as alternative and for backup. Be prepared and never run out of supplies to perform these activities. These activities train you on focusing your mind and give you a sense of accomplishment.
  • Exercise activities. Develop an interest in one or more physical activities and perform these regularly. Examples are push-ups, sit-ups, running, swimming and biking. At least have one activity you can perform in your room and one out-door activity. Exercise is healthy and gives you a sense of accomplishment.
  • Be sure you have enough sleep. Sleep deprivation makes manic and leads to countless secondary problems from anxiety, over-acting, over-excitement, over-thinking to under-performing. If you can't sleep, perform Mental survival activities and/or Exercise activities until you relax enough to fall asleep. Given training and experience, you will relax and fall asleep! No pills needed!
  • KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid. Do not over-act, over-excite or over-think.
  • Help - If you have questions or need help, please post or seek professional help!

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Rather than taking pills, keep re-reading and following nottogreen's excellent advice. Anti-depressants have side-effects which can be unpleasant. Your depression has to do with the loss of a relationship and the loss of hopes and dreams. There is no quick fix to deal with it. Don't run out and find another relationship right away. First you need to heal. It is not fair to you or to a new woman if you start dating right away. Get into a better frame of mind first so that you can go into the next relationship with a healthy and happy outlook.

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While it's admirable that you were willing to try dating again a few months after your breakup, perhaps it was too soon? Maybe only now the depression that you didn't feel initally is settling in. Sometimes it takes a while for this type of stuff to show its face.

 

If you feel that it's mild depression, then there are steps you can take before committing to any medication. Stopping drinking, watching what you are eating, exercising of course, and maybe something like St. John's Wort of fish oil instead of a prescription med.

 

I have tried any combination of these methods at different times, and found them to be somewhat effective. Again, it depends on how severe you feel the depression is. And a change of pace always helps. Not only does the brain need to be exercised by change, but change will expose you to new people as well. It doesn't sound like you can help this most recent ex, but you can help yourself.

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you guys are right. i have always thought this. i've not wanted to be on any meds. i will try these suggestions and try to work through it. i know i have to feel it, but it sure feels horrible. but i think i am ok and will be ok. even if i go to my parents' every weekend.......they are great medication.

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yeah......

 

i actually talked with my dad about this situation on monday. he really helped me figure some things out. i was even able to talk with her again on monday and after talking to him i was able to approach her differently......with different words......and a different mindset. and now we are talking again. i think we might finally be on the right track.

 

but instead of rushing her and seeing her too soon - i think we might not see each other til next weekend - that will make it 4 weeks without spending any real time together. we've seen each other an hour last week and hour this week.......i think after 4 weeks of any real quality time as our relationship is hopefully growing towards the better........hopefully things will go well.

 

but there's really nothing like family, if you have a good one, to help get you through the tough times!

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My best advice is to stay clear of the medication, it's not always the right way out of things. Usually all meds do is make you feel numb and empty, I think in your case it's best to hold onto some feelings/emotions.

Maybe find something you are interested in, a hobbie or something, put a lot of your time into that for awhile and you'll maybe even make new friends along the way, joining a club is always helpful, you meet knew people and you might even meet someone you become interested in.

Feeling depressed and keeping to yourself isn't going to do you any good, it's not going to make things different but putting yourself outside your comfort zone and giving new things a try always helps bring back that smile you thought you had lost forever

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