He hopes we can back in future.We are both working on friendship.

[Na Zhang]

Tonight, my ex gave me a gift which are a pair of Mickey Mouse earings he bought in HongKong Disneyland.In fact,he bought me another gift in Disney store.He hadn't bought me any gift since we broke up.

 

We do get closer since I stop talking the ralationship and try to have fun with him.I told my ex boyfriend that I hope only stay friend with him and no anything else more than friend.I emphasize that we shouldn't have sex.He said it's ok if I want to.I told him I want to move on and reduce my feeling to him.He doesn't understand why I am doing that.I said I don't want to be hurted and only look for the friendship.I had given up all hope and don't want to get back with him.But he said he hope to get back with me.He always says only friendship back,we can get back.

 

This must be confused a lot of people.We were very good friends before we dated.He told him he fell out love of me isn't because I has lost attraction.In fact,I never lose that for him.He felt hurt so much when he was in the relationship.When he droped out the univerisity and came back China to stay with me,I even didn't give him a hug at the airport.I never hold his hand in public and keep him as a big secret to my parents and friends.I always complian that he spend too much money on antiqu,books and DVDs.I never let him do what he want to.He felt so unhappy and pressure.I also told him many times to break up.The last broke up was I said to him.

 

He always says only I have changed,we can get back.When he feel safe to have the relationship with me and won't hurt,he will come back.I know he isn't in love with me now.I wonder how we can get back.He told me he can almost guarantee we will get back if we can become best friends again.He want me to share everything with him and go out to have fun with him.He said it is very easy to have the old feeling again.He said it doesn't mean we will get back tomorrow.

 

He hope we both to work on the friendship.He said if he doesn't want to get back with me that he won't let me still keep his apartment's keys and ask me to come over every day.He said we are getting close now.He begin to miss me more and more everyday and want to kiss me. Because at the end of relationship,he even didn't wan to touch me.I know my situation is very different with a lot of peolpe.I believe most of he said and still keep the friend with him.But,I try to avoid to do those things which will push him away.I try to protect myself.Since I read this forum,I am trying to do some effective work and feel much better.Even He won't come back with me,I believe I still can move on.

[stolenshadow]

Hello, it sounds to me like he doesn't want to date you but wants to keep you around.

Of course, if after some time he doesn't find anybody else or feels to weak he'll ask you back but, is that what you want?, a relationship of games?.

 

If you think you made mistakes just make a vow to correct them or not do them again in your next relationship.

 

You are basically playing "hot and cold", that's not fair to either of you, so it's best to stop.

[Na Zhang]

I had thought about this for two days.I asked one of his best friend about this.He doesn't believe it either.His best friend said my ex never talked about this with him.He guess it sounds like a way to get sex without any attachments or have relationship without any commitment.I feel I don't trust my ex now.I don't believe what his said.How the friendship can bring love back?Maybe he just want me in his life.

[DN]

I think you should talk to him and tell him what you want - tell him the truth and say that you would like to get the relationship back to a place where you are both happy and ask him if he would like that as well.

 

You need to be honest about what you want and also about how you are prepared to negotiate and compromise in order to give him what he wants as well.

[Relationship Coach]

What do you really want from this relationship? You're at a crossroad and I really think the relationship can be saved if you both want it. Maybe he felt rejected by you and your lack of affection, keeping the relationship from your family has to hurt him as well.

 

I don't think this is about sex either, there seems to be more of an emotional attachment on his end. If you just don't feel like you are getting the things from this relationship that you want and the friendship is not enough, then move on. You sound like you really love him but does your love have the ability to let go of him completely? Either work on re-establishing your relationship or cut him out of your life 100%, this struggle you are having being in between is unhealthy.

 

RC

[Na Zhang]

First,should I trust him and believe what he said?Is that possible for a person who doesn't love you now,but hope to get back with you in future?He always say if the relationship without friendship won't last too long.Anybody believe that?I still love him so much and want to get back with him.I also believe I can move on.If that isn't too much possible for us,I decide to study in Australia.Once I live far from him,I believe there won't be any chance for us.Should I give up?If I do want to get back with him,should I do what he said-- try to be his good friend?Or keep some low contact?

[Relationship Coach]

You have many issues crashing down on you at once, when do you leave for Australia? I have to say that if you try to work things out that they may fall apart again when you leave. A LDR takes a strong commitment and an abundance of love, I don't see that going on here.

 

RC

[Na Zhang]

I will leave for Australia in one year,but it take a whole year to prepare.Once I make a decision,it is very difficult to change.I had given up a chance of studying in U.S a year ago.I don't want to repeat that.Today,he told me that He likes to make friend with girls.Because girls are more honest and nice than boys,and girls like to talk about arts and life.He said that he like to make friends with those girls,but never want to date them.I asked him if he wants to date me,he said it was horrible when we dated.He always says he is gald that we ended that relationship.So we can start over again,which everything start from the beginning,makeing friends first,and then start to date,then getting back.He says those thing need take some steps and goes slowly.today I want to sak him if he really want to get back with me.He said he already had told me that and I knew the answer.

[Relationship Coach]

I think planting a tree and then leaving town is a bad idea. I think there are too many issues which are not in your control. He sounds like he really wants to play the field for a while then if he does not find anything to cling to, he wants to give it another shot with you. Sorry but in my book this is very wrong! You do not deserve to be anyone's second choice. I would go NC and let him do as he pleases. Prepare yourself for your Australia trip and focus on positive things in the future and leave the past behind.

 

RC

[Na Zhang]

So you don't think I should do any effort to get back with him?Or you don't think it is worthy to get back with him?I dreamed about those terrible days which he dumped me and went out with his female friends.Those time was the most horrible days in my whole life.I am scared.I don't want those days back again.Once think about how he treated me,I wonder if we will have happy relationship in future,if I will trust him again.At least I feel I can live without him and believe I can move on.I don't know what is best for me.It seem to me there is some hope of getting back,but I don't want to have too much expectation and get hurt.

[Na Zhang]

Today,he didn't message me first.Normally he at least send one message to me and ask what I am doing or inivte me to do something with me everyday.I sent message to him,because I knew He is busying with helping his friend to clean a new apartment.He wants the guy who lives with him to move out my ex's apartment so much.Once that guy moves out,I will have more chance to stay alone with my ex.But I remind myself not think it will help us get back together.

Right now I am in the very bad relationship with my dad and have to live with him during my summer break.I cried alone in my bedroom when my dad yelled at me tonight.Suddenly,I feel I am so lonely and week.I messaged my ex and told him what happen.I almost want to say I need him and miss him so much.But I control myself.I know I shouldn't do that.Sometimes,when you are in trouble or bad mood,you will want and miss your ex more.

[Na Zhang]

I just watch American TV Show The Sex and The City,which make me understand more about American sex culture.From here,I can see when my ex have sex with me,he doesn't have any feeling for me.I really begin to believe he lies to me.He wants to sex without any commitment.I never can have a sex with a man who I don't love.I adore about true love.I never accepet those animals' behaviours.I love sex but I only love have sex with the man I love.My ex is terrible.He knows I love him so much and uses me as a sex tool.Maybe he is not that way.But I just want to say I am really willing to love somebody who love me the same way and worthy me to love.If my ex can't be that way,no matter how much I love him,I will give up this person.I am not willing to get back with him anymore.

[stolenshadow]

Just try hard to do NC, right now your emotions are changing, so one moment you'll feel like you really need him and the next very strong without him.

Whenever you feel sad or lonely just post here, we're here for you.

[Na Zhang]

I know my emotions is changing.On the one hand,I love him so much and want to get back with him.On the other hand,I try to live without him and move on.Is there anyone believe we can get back?

[stolenshadow]

Many here can surely tell you there are possibilities for a reconciliation, and many others will tell you why it's better for you to look ahead, but what matters is how you feel, what you want.

You already gave that relationship a chance and it didn't go very well, now, why don't you give NC and moving forward some time?, get emotionally stronger, focus on yourself only, do things you enjoy and let that guy out of your life for some time, then re-evaluate things.