Totally Brokenhearted!!!

[Irishman]

My girlfriend (Russian, well from Minsk, Belarus) met on Yahoo Personals just under a year ago..I helped her out while she was unemployed, by the way she's a civil engineer, She does't really have any family here in Canada.. She came here three years ago .Anyway to cut a long story short...we were so close together, so comfortable..both agreeing that we could be soulmates. I got her an apartment in my complex with her 14 year old daughter, to save her rent from her previous dwelling...everything was so good between us. Our Saturday's were great together. I'd make us steak dinners, with some wine, watch movies, allthe romantic stuff...She kept telling me how she never felt so close or so comfortabe with someone before, I was the same...We loved waking the boardwalk, kissing, cuddling and sleeping together...Then this all happened two weeks ago... She's working now as a security guard and recently got a bartending job up the road from where we live. ..she needed the money to pay for her car, insurance etc..She works five nights a week...Not a high class place to mention...she used to come over to me after work telling me about customers tat she met..anyway she met someone there and I only found out about it by accident..this was last Sunday one week ago...I met her at a car wash, then this guy arrives and talks to her, she told me that it was a customer from the bar...I went home...that night she had called me three times...I didn't answer... after she finished her bar job she came to my apartment..she had keys.this was 4:00am..she woke me up and wanted to talk...she said that she just liked him...that they wer'nt having sex. She told me that I was her bestfriend Bascilally I told her to leave and never to call me agian..She came back after getting to the door...saying still wants to be my best friend and soulmate, but we can't be intimate. I'm totally heart broken and want closure. Any suggestions..

 

Additional Details

 

2 days ago

Just tonight, I went to the bar where she was working. She was me and said 'oh hi' do you want a drink...as if nothing ever happened..I told her that I had left a message on her answering machine at home and to at least have the decency to reply. My message was that I wanted at least to meet her. (to get closure). When I got home a couple of minutes later, she called me to say that she had listened. She asked me 'how I was'..didn't answer..I said that I wanted her to set some time aside, 30 minutes so that we could meet.I said not a month from now!!...then she told me that she wanted to spend time with me...??? (what's that all about) She said and that she would call me when she had time on the weekend...this weekend....After her work she came home and I could see her with the other guy outside accross the parking lot. She blatenly started kissing him so that I could see, she then got into his car and drove off, I suppose to his place. Funny, she did'nt take him to her place..?? She really rubbed it in and I knew that she must have know that I was watching, I'm not sure though.......By the way, Im 49, she's 43....Totally broken hearted and need some major advice...if she doe'snt call...I need to know WHY?.......

just came accross this forum...it's great help........thanks to all if you read this.

[Murzilka]

Wow...

I'm sorry, but this does not sound like a 43 year old woman. It's funny that you mentioned that she's from Minsk, Belarus because that's where i'm from also. I've lived in the states for over 15yrs though. Anyway, this has nothing to do with your situation. It sounds as though she may have been playing you in the later days of your relationship. Sometimes we meet people who think it's ok to be with a person just to be with someone. They really have no feelings for us and are waiting for something better to come along. Sounds like she may have been doing this to you. It's horrible to hear this, but it's probably better that she is out of your life. She obviously used you and your good will towards her, don't let her take your pride too. Avoid her at all costs and I would try and move also, so that you don't have to witness her dates anymore.

 

Take care.

[Beec]

Welcome.

 

It hurts, but I think you need to write her off. Don't know how else to say it. It's over. Don't let her back in. Kick her to the curb. Is it possible she was not fooling around before she tried to break it off? Maybe, but that seems like she was not committed to you at all anyway. She was there with you, only until something else showed up? Doesn't wash.

 

What to do now? Limit your contact, less contact means les pain for you, try to move on when you can, take some time to try and heal.

 

If it helps, keep posting here.

 

Good luck.

[Irishman]

Thanks Murzilka for your reply....It's very much appreciated....I'm really trying to be very strong about all of this....and about avoiding her, I'm trying to convince myself (to keep sane) that she was nothing but a selfish user, but shy did she tell me, on lots of occasions, calling me from her job, leaving messages for me that she misses me and loves me and will always be in my life?...unless I was totally blinded by my own stupidy and my total affection and caring for her........

[Irishman]

Thanks for the reply......it was hard for her even to fool around as she was always with me weekends and nights....we did lots of stuff together, no sign of another guy until she started working at the pub...that's when this all started........