Advice. Am I an evil person?

[logic]

Hey everyone, this is only my second day here, but I already feel like I can share with you all freely.

 

For those of you that haven't seen my fist thread from yesterday, break it down simply: Me and my GF of 2 1/2 years (friends for 5 years before that) broke up about a week ago. We had been living together for a little over a year, and things were going pretty badly, so we decided that I should move out (she could afford to keep the place, I couldn't by myself). We were going to see if things improved once we no longer lived together. She wanted me to get my life together, for me to stand on my own two feet. Once I moved out, things got much worse, because I became angry. We broke up. We left it open-ended intentionally. The idea is that RIGHT NOW our relationship is not working anymore. We both love each other deeply and (I believe) truly.

 

So this is now day 1 of absolute, total NC. It's hard. I keep telling myself that this is the only way it can be right now. We can't be friends, even though she wanted us to be. We decided we'd speak again in a month. We'll see if that works.

 

So right now I am looking for anyone to spend time with, to get my mind off of recent events and the current situation. I just recently got in touch with a female friend of mine, who seems really excited to see me, and to catch up on things. She was always just a friend. She still is, at least to me. I don't know what her intentions are. My question is: am I wrong for expressing interest in seeing her, even though I am doing it really out of extreme loneliness? I mean, she's a friend, and it will be fun to hang out, but I probably wouldn't be getting in touch with her if I weren't in this situation. Am I going to be just using her? Or is this okay? Moral dilemma.

 

I am not yet trying to move on, per se, because I still maintain hope that my ex and I can reconcile someday. So am I being evil here?

 

Let me hear your thoughts.

[sumguy]

My question is: am I wrong for expressing interest in seeing her, even though I am doing it really out of extreme loneliness? I mean, she's a friend, and it will be fun to hang out, but I probably wouldn't be getting in touch with her if I weren't in this situation. Am I going to be just using her? Or is this okay? Moral dilemma.

 

That doesn't make you evil, human maybe, but not evil. It's normal to seek out the comfort of other after something like this happens.

 

It'd probably be morally frowned-apon if you were to lead her on into what looks like a relationship without any intention of pursuing it, but there's nothing wrong with just hanging with old friends.

 

Hope this helped =)

[lady00]

Nope, definitely not evil. Just don't lead her on and you won't be using her.

[heloladies21]

Fine, but I'm not a fan of just leaving it without letting her know why you can't stay in touch. Too many times I see the chick misinterprets it as you being angry at her for some unknown reason, so that's why I like to have one final convo with her and let her know the score. That way there's no misunderstandings.

 

I'd let her through one more time, explain where you're at with this and what you're looking for. Then there'll be nothing left to say so the only reason she'd contact you would be if she's interested in getting back together.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Yes, I think it is completely wrong to get in touch with anyone (be it male or female) you haven't really kept in contact with, for the soul reason of filling up time while you are on a break from your girlfriend. That is called using. If you have no intentions of continuing contact if you get back together with your girlfriend then I would say leave it alone.

 

I always hated when women would cut their friends out of their lives once they get into a relationship and then suddenly re-appear when that relationship ends, only to disappear again when they either get back together with their ex or move on to a different relationship. Either you are friends for the long haul or you keep away and not use people and throw them aside when you no longer need them.