Scared him away?

[miserableme]

So, I was kind of seeing this guy for a few weeks, mostly just sleeping with him. He's 7 years older than me and very attractive.

 

We did it 6 or 7 times all up. The last time we did it, he came really quickly (about 10 seconds). That was fine and afterwards I kept trying to get him have sex again but he couldn't get hard. He said he felt bad and I guess I was pressuring him a bit. Ok, alot. Normally he could go a couple of times in one night.

 

That was 3 weeks ago. I've only heard from him once since then and that was because I emailed him. Previously he had made lots of attempts to try and see me and now nothing. I really enjoyed hanging out with him even if it was nothing but sex.

 

If a guy cums quicker than normal, what does that actually mean? Is it a good thing or not? Do you think I blew it by being too forward or do you think he's just not interested anymore?

[Beec]

It could be a number of things. Maybe he is embarrassed by what happened?

 

One other comment I might make is that the friends with benefits thing has by its vey nature a short time within which it will last. It's nice while it does, fills a certain void, but you know it's not the real and right thing, so it just won't last. It may be that he did enjoy it, but also was in fear of it being a relationship, that he did not want to be in. Of course, after some time away, he may not have this fear.

 

Give him some time, then maybe try again, and let him know there was nothing to be embarrassed about by his not holding off.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Hey

 

It sounds like the relationship was primarily just about sex. And like Beec said there's only so long that can last.

 

I agree that you could maybe talk to him again in a week or two, and maybe you two could try again. Maybe suggest that you'd like to go out and do something. Otherwise it might fall back into the same pattern, and fall apart again, quickly.

[miserableme]

I know there is only so long it can last. As much as I hate to admit it, I think I've fallen for him (i know it always happens- I tried so hard not to) but I think I've ruined any chance I may have had now.

 

Damn those cute boys. They always get me.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I'm not sure its about his looks, its probably more about the dynamic of your guys' relationship.

[Beec]

Maybe, you could figure out how to either: (a) make him feel otherwise, like you were worth more than just a few rolls in the hay: and/or (b) learn to avoid these circumstances in the first place.

[Batya33]

I disagree that the cute boys "get you" - you made the choice to have this type of relationship knowing the likelihood that it would mean more to you than sex. I am not judging your decision just that you might want to take a more proactive role in what types of situations you get involved in.

[Lady Bugg]

Oh BOY....

 

I was reading a book last night about this EXACT thing..and I'm not saying you messed up..but what you've done is set a precedent for the relationship.

Sleeping with a man..TOO soon...and without a commitment NEVER EVER works. I'm not being preachy. I've learned this the hard way as well....

If you tell a guy you want to wait for sex, and go slowly...they will do one of TWO things: They will respect you for it..and wait..OR they will walk and find someone who is willing to "put out". Either case is win/win for you.......if you can stick to your guns.

[miserableme]

It's definitely on the future agenda to be more careful and avoid this type of thing. I honestly didn't think I'd feel anything for this guy. I don't know how he felt about it previously though. I definitely got lots of positive signs from him but I get the feeling he's involved with other girls too.

[miserableme]

You're right lady bugg- I think it's over. Thanks for your help everyone.

[Lady Bugg]

Well....the thing to do in this case is to cross your legs and put on the brakes. If he calls again to "hook up"..be honest with him and tell him because of the nature of your feelings for him, you think sex while he's seeing other girls is a bad idea. Do NOT demand a comitment or demand he stop seeing other women..that has to be HIS decision. You respecting yourself is the important thing in this situation.

[Beec]

In this circumstance, I might actually suggest something other than abstinence, if he is the guy she wants. She has essentially been in a situation that involved people using each other for their physical needs, without intending it to ever be anything more. If she cuts him off, she clearly shows she wants relationship, which may or may not work, but would probably stop them right where she is, i.e. without him.

 

If he was the guy for her, I would probably tell her to do the opposite. Use him and make it seem as if that is all she thinks he is good is sex. Make it seems like she is not interested in more from him. I once suggested that a woman go over his place, wearing nothing to impede access below her waistline (wear a skirt, nothing else). Take charge, make him sit down, service her by using the access she had not impeded, and once she was happy with his "service", remove his clothing, jump on, ride, then when the act was completed, get off, and walk out, telling him that if he was good, he might soon get some more. That is exactly what I suggested, and what I was told she did. He immediately went from wanting only a Sunday night thing, to wanting mroe from her. She acted like he was only good for sex, and sudddenly he wanted more.

 

I would never recommend this as a plan from the get go. But when you wanted to turn a arrangment of convenience into something else, it can work. It's risky.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Beec, I'm sorry but I don't really think that is a good suggestion. OP, I'd listen to Lady Bugg's advice instead.

[Beec]

Beec, I'm sorry but I don't really think that is a good suggestion. OP, I'd listen to Lady Bugg's advice instead.

 

I take no offence, and I expected to get such responses. It's not a low risk thing to do. It would be taking a big gamble. I don't think many can do it sucessfully. But, it has worked.

 

I think that the other way is to basically give up on him, at least for now.

[Carl5000]

Very basic advice, but i'd just email saying its a shame he hasn't been in touch and although the relationship has mostly be in a sexual nature you'd like to get to know who better and ask wether he fancies hooking up for a drink.

 

Just get straight to the point if he doesn't reply, he doesnt see you as anything more than a sex buddy. Or he might just go for the drink with the inclination of getting into ur knickers that night. Still, its diffcult to really know a guy's motives. Many of my friends, just tell the women what they want to here

 

but, u should know his character better than us. if he's young and playing hte field i can't see him looking for a relationship but who knows. When guys are young and attractive they are very difficult to pin down as i've noticed with my friends, so i wouldn't look into a really serious relationship- more friendship, sexual type one.