Confused!

[Steven1607307306]

Okay so this girl and I have been friends for about half a year. About a week ago we actually went on a date and we had been talking about getting together for about 2 weeks. I didn't want to rush things, so I wasn't planning on asking her out until tomorrow. I found out yesterday that this other guy had asked her out and she said yes!

 

This confuses me because all this time she was telling me how much she wanted to be with me and that she really liked the way I treated her. Now all of the sudden she is with some guy I don't even know!

 

A few questions;

1. Did I take to long to ask her out?

2. Why would she tell me how much she wanted to be with me and all of the sudden change her mind?

3. Am I wrong for feeling abandoned?

[Aurian]

My impression is that perhaps she doesn't know that the relationship is "exclusive" - even though you have been friends for awhile, you only had one date and as I interpret it, no plans to get together again for 2 weeks? She may enjoy your company, but if she doesn't think the relationship is exclusive, why would she not go out with other guys?

[brando]

Never hesitate.

 

Perhaps she was more than ready to date you, and you weren't. So instead of waiting she said yes to this other guy.

[Seko]

Could be that she liked both of you, and couldn't decide who to pick, so she persued both of you, and he just made his move first.

 

Sucks when that happens, for both parties. Did you make it clear to her that you wanted to be with her too?

[Aurian]

Even if she is going on a date, its not too late. If you're really interested in her, speed things up a bit! Ask her out yourself and show her that you are interested in her and would be a good person to go out with!

 

There is no reason why a girl should sit at home waiting for someone to make up his mind and ask her out.

[Steven1607307306]

We did not just go on one date, what I meant was that was our first date. Anyways, I called her earlier and she said that she said yes so he would stop bugging her. Then she called me back and said she broke up with him, and she is coming over tomorrow where I will ask her out, so everything is fine I guess. I was just a little confused.

[brando]

Yeah well id be careful with this one, to say yes to someone to shut them up is not a good sign. If that is even the truth.

 

Don't walk into this blind.

[Dating Coach]

Okay so this girl and I have been friends for about half a year. About a week ago we actually went on a date and we had been talking about getting together for about 2 weeks. I didn't want to rush things, so I wasn't planning on asking her out until tomorrow.

 

You've known her two years and you just now went on one date and you're talking about not wanting to rush things? Brother, what you've been doing is far from rushing things, it's been going far too slow.

 

I found out yesterday that this other guy had asked her out and she said yes!

 

apparently this other guy isn't too worried about rushing things and it didn't hurt him at all.

 

This confuses me because all this time she was telling me how much she wanted to be with me and that she really liked the way I treated her. Now all of the sudden she is with some guy I don't even know!

 

She views you more as a friend than a potential boyfriend. Who cares what she says when her actions are different? Her actions are that she's telling you one thing and doing another by dating another guy. That doesn't show a very high interest level in you. Perhaps she's tired of you trying to not rush things. I mean... it's been two years.

 

I'm not trying to be mean at all so please don't take it that way, but I think it's time you opened your eyes. She clearly is not taken by you if she's giving this other guy her attention. Perhaps she's more into a guy who's willing to "do" relationships rather than spend so much time "talking" about it.

 

A few questions;

1. Did I take to long to ask her out?

 

Yes. If you've been interested in her for two years then you took two years too long. You should have asked her out around the first 2 meetings.

 

2. Why would she tell me how much she wanted to be with me and all of the sudden change her mind?

 

I don't think she changed her mind, I doubt she really ever was that into it to begin with. If she said she was but didn't act like it then you can judge how she really feels by her actions. Any "talk" is BS if the actions don't back it up. You're her friend, she probably doesn't want to hurt you and doesn't know how to let you down easily. Maybe she thinks that her seeing this new guy will give you a hint.

 

3. Am I wrong for feeling abandoned?

 

You aren't wrong for feeling that way, but you created the situation yourself by taking 2 years to ask her out, and by "talking" about the two of you rather than simply taking her out on a date and moving the relationship along through actions.

 

Read the link in my signiture, I think it will help you.

[Dating Coach]

We did not just go on one date, what I meant was that was our first date. Anyways, I called her earlier and she said that she said yes so he would stop bugging her. Then she called me back and said she broke up with him, and she is coming over tomorrow where I will ask her out, so everything is fine I guess. I was just a little confused.

 

My suggestion would be to stop any and all talk about "you two" and simply start walking the relationship along with your actions. Take her out, don't ask her where she wants to go, just take her out, have fun, flirt, tease, and then kiss her at the end of the night. You're a guy, you're not supposed to stop and ask for directions every five minutes. Just start moving the relationship along the path you want it to go.

[Steven1607307306]

Where did ou get the two years from? And...I know how to take a girl out, but thanks for the suggestions. But seriously...everything is fine. But now I'm starting to feel bad for David, because he's been IMing me. Trying to put a guilt trip on me. I keep telling him that it was all her choice to be with me, and he's not being an about it. It just seems he craves my sympathy.

[Dating Coach]

I thought I saw a year and a half and went back and looked and it was half a year, my bad. However you shouldn't be so uptight with "I know how to take a girl out", we are just trying to help, like you asked. And if you are chatting about going out for 2 weeks before doing it, and then having the girl go out with someone else, then perhaps you should be more open to advice.

[Steven1607307306]

Two weeks, is not that long to wait. And as if I haven't stated already...everything is fine, but THANK YOU for your suggestion. I don't believe I need some "guide" to help me with relationships. It may work for you or everyone else, but I tend to follow my heart, and go by my gut instinct. Never hurt me before. Thanks anyway.

[Dating Coach]

Good luck to you then.