Personality v's physical attraction

[poetsheart]

Just wanted your opinion, if you met someone and they had a terrific personality, but you just weren't physically attracted to them, what would you do? Do you think it would really last if you weren't that attracted to them? I know deep down the more you like somebody the more beautiful they become in time etc... but is that always the case? Your thoughts and feelings would be appreciated... thanks.

[melrich]

Personally I think you have to have the whole package.... emotional, physical and mental attraction.

 

If any one is missing then my experience is that the relationship is a struggle.

[Jennster]

I would keep getting to know the person better. Personally when I first met my BF he was totally not my physical type and I thought he was too tall for me (1 foot difference) BUT...over the course of about 6 months after we became exclusive I got to know the deeper side of his personality and I know his ins and outs and now I think he's really cute. The personality attraction led to a deeper physical attraction - if that makes sense. I don't know if that would work every time...I think there has to be *some* sort of attraction for anything to grow...so if you're just totally not attracted to the other person in the slightest I'm not sure if things could work.

[Yvette84]

I tried to have a realtionship with a guy that was amazing BUT I was not attracted to him....I hoped in time my love would help him to grow on me...but the physical attraction was never there....so it didn't work, I had to end it. We as humans NEED that! it's sad but true....

[melrich]

it's sad but true....

 

Why is it sad?

[Yvette84]

Why is it sad?

because I have had to turn down AMAZING great, sweet guys because I haven't been attracted to them!!!

[melrich]

because I have had to turn down AMAZING great, sweet guys because I haven't been attracted to them!!!

 

LOL...Oh right. I get where you are coming from.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

There's a difference between actually being repelled by someone's appearance, and just not initially finding yourself compelled by them.

 

In the former case, I'm afraid I cannot fathom any hope, and you should do the both of you a favor and just not go there.

 

In the latter case, it is entirely possible that if you give the person a chance he/she may grow on you. It's happened to me. That said they also might not, in which case you will need to dump them. I can't picture a relationship lasting if there is no attraction.

 

Also, keep in mind that it's also possible to be initially very attracted to someone and then after a while find that you are not attracted to them.

[I Love a Canadian]

The Canadian that I am in love with would not be considered handsome or physically attractive by most women.

 

What first drew me to him -- well, I cannot even say, but it was like two polar opposite magnets attracted to one another. We spent time together in a touristy-type of place, on a guided tour with many others. But something about that day made us click with one another. When we said our farewells, we both felt the connection but did not think the other did.

 

I am so emotionally attatched to this man now, that just the touch of his hand on mine makes my skin tingle and makes the breath catch in my throat. In the year we have been growing closer, he has not even so much as kissed me (( scarred emotionally as a child, he has never had a physical relationship with anyone and he is in his 40's )).

 

We spent some time recently just lying in bed together, cuddling with one another. No kissing, no intimate touching. Just me snuggled up next to him and enjoying his company. He told me it was the first time he had ever shared a bed with anyone, and now he misses it greatly that I am not there with him.

 

So in answer to your question.. I would say become friends with the person you speak of, and just let the rest come naturally. If a romantic relationship was meant to be, it won't matter what they look like. You will find the attraction no matter what.

[poetsheart]

I think this is a very interesting topic... I think I was so madly in love with my ex because I felt everything, physical, mental, sexual attraction and spiritually attracted (even though he didn't obvioulsy), and that kept me going. I do believe though, you need to be physically attracted, and i kind of feel like Yvette said, I have tried but it's just not there.. there has to be that magnetism.

[Anna.]

I met the perfect guy for me once...we talked on the phone for four hours at a time! But I went on two dates with him and as much as I liked this guy, I really didn't want him to kiss me because I felt absolutely NO chemistry at all. So I quit talking to him. Sometimes I wonder about him and I wonder if I was just being shallow and if i should have gave it some more time...

[tylercdurden2004]

I really didn't want him to kiss me because I felt absolutely NO chemistry at all.

 

Do you mean looks?

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I think chemistry and looks are two different aspects of attraction.

[tylercdurden2004]

I think chemistry and looks are two different aspects of attraction.

 

Sure chemistry is the "whole package". You cant have chemistry without the personality and you cant have chemistry with out the physical attraction (looks). It often used in place of "I wasnt attracted to his/her personality, looks etc."

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I guess. Right off the bat I can think of one guy who wants to date me; I like him a lot, he's not bad looking, his personality is probably pretty compatible with me, etc, I even like being around him. But something's just not there. It'd be nice if we could pick and choose who we do and don't like, but we can't.

[Managor]

I don't care at all about physical attraction, unless like Teddy said before I'm repelled by their appearance, but that's usually very unlikely.

[miserableme]

Depends what I'm looking for. If I was a relationship then I'd settle for an average/decent looking guy with a fantastic personality. If I'm looking for someone to just fool around with then I'm going to go with the best looking possible. Personality wouldn't really come in to it here, unless he was an a-hole.

 

Good looking boys are exactly that, good looking, but they're not going to get anywhere if they don't have some sort of attractive personality.

[Seko]

I think there has to be *some* sort of attraction for anything to grow...so if you're just totally not attracted to the other person in the slightest I'm not sure if things could work.

 

I agree.

 

I've had guy friends of mine who I loved to death, talked to every day, etc...some of them weren't even that bad looking...and I thought to myself "I could fall in love with this guy if personality was the only factor".

....Never could get past the lack of attraction though. I might have been missing out on some amazing, loving relationships...but what kind of relationship is it if you only kiss them and touch them and do other things with them becuase you feel you're supposed to and/or because they want you to?

 

So yeah, I would say physical attraction of some sort of neccesary. It is very possible for people to grow on you and become more attractive, but I think there has to be some shred of attraction there to begin with for that to happen.

[RayKay]

I'd stick to being friends.

 

For me, all levels of attraction (mental, emotional, physical, spiritual) MUST be there - or else I am just settling and not being fair to either of us.

 

Heck, I want MY partner to be into me physically too, not just the other things..if he isn't, I would feel rejected....and pretty low.

 

And don't get me wrong, what is attractive is not necessarily "looking like a GQ model" - AT ALL. I have dated and been attracted to men of all sizes, shapes, looks. It's a je ne sais quoi element that just must be there. People can become more attractive as you get to know them (or vice versa!) but there has to be some initial spark there that attracts you.

[Anna.]

Do you mean looks?

 

Well, like, he was not an unattractive guy. He was a decent looking guy. I really liked his personality, so I don't know why I didn't want to kiss him. I didn't, though, so I'm sticking with the no chemistry story.

[Caterina]

Why is it that only girls ask this question?

[g44]

this may sound strange but i have always done things backwards...i fall in love with someone for the person they are first - who they are as a person, a woman, their values, humour, intelligence - and that is usually done thru language, then voice, then sight, then by connection. i know must people do the visaul first - i'm weird.

[jdheinold]

the way i see it, is there has to be some kind of physical attraction first. even a little bit. from there, the personality will make or break the person. ugly personality makes that person much less attractive, awesome personalyity enhances what they have.

[mitch17]

personality is probably the most important thing in a relationship although not being physically attracted is a major problem, i woud suggest a make over

[copag]

personally i cant date some who I'm not physically attracted to. the attraction doesn't have to be much just something little that makes them physically attractive. i would most likely just be friends with someone i wasn't physically attracted to.