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her hanging out with guy from work..


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i love my girlfriend a lot. and ive been feeling a lot better about everything. myself, my life and about everything pretty much. last night i ate dinner with her and she was telling me about her workday. and she told me how this guy wanted to hang out with her. and she just said basically "i dont think i want to hang out with him.. he's too hick" and all of that. she gets hit on by guys constantly at work. she innocently flirts with them and all of that. i'm alright with that and i accept that that's who she just is. but sometimes the thought just shakes me up a bit. i'm not worried or paranoid but it just kinda passes through my mind sometimes. whenever i hang out with a girl, i know it's just friends and it's fun. but, as always, it's kinda hard to picture your girlfriend hanging out with some guy from work as friends. i trust her, i know she's not going to cheat on me or anything - but just the thought shakes me up. are there any girls out there who do this when they have relationships? maybe you can calm my mind just a little bit and make me understand a bit.

 

i know i hang out with a girl-friend of mine and i know i SHOULD understand and know where my girlfriend's coming from but i need someone to verify it. i want her to be happy and hang out with anyone she wants - i just want to get over this little bump so i can feel a bit better.

 

thanks

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well if you trust your gf and do not feel paranoid about all this then you are good to go. as a guy I had a serious problem with 2 guys "apparently her friends" but they Hit on her, asked her out more then once the same guy asked her to go out on a date with her behind my back and she said no to him but still the thought made me sick. so I tried to put it behind my back. but you seem to be very ok here.. read my post and you'll know the extreme problems that can develope but you gonna know how to control the situation. obviously when you are in a relationship your circle of friends will change alittle and that include your frieneds from the opposite sex.

 

 

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Hmmm, well, I really think it is all about mutual respect, communication and INTENT of the "hanging out".

 

I mean if I am going to hang out with a few coworkers as a group, and there are men there, well, I see no issue with this as it's important for employee cohesion and even for future job stability in many respects.

 

However, I would not accept an invite by one male coworker to "hang out" because I would really feel the intent was perhaps more than "hanging out". And yes, I have been in that situation before with a coworker that has a crush on me and I have made it clear that my boundaries are there.

 

I don't flirt with others whom show interest in me though either...so I can't speak from that side. I have to have interest in them to flirt, and I only have eyes for one man

 

But it seems your gf does not have any intention of actually meeting with this guy anyway (even if her reasons are rather....strange) so I think she knows herself it would not be appropriate. Maybe it's not that he is a "hick" but that she knows his motives are more romantic than friendly....so she turned him down.

 

My boyfriend and I both also have friends of the opposite sex, both ones we have met socially, or through our activities & interests. There too, each 'friendship' is something that has to be looked at individually. If one of these "friends" of his had for example been disrespectful to us, and made it clear she wants him, I would NOT be comfortable with that. But if she had an interest, but he made it clear it was not going there, that would be acceptable.

 

My partner and I are are very upfront about when we are seeing other friends of whatever sex, and we introduce one another, and invite one another out, and so on. I think this is important to that trust level and respect too.

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But it seems your gf does not have any intention of actually meeting with this guy anyway (even if her reasons are rather....strange) so I think she knows herself it would not be appropriate. Maybe it's not that he is a "hick" but that she knows his motives are more romantic than friendly....so she turned him down.

 

well actually i forgot to mention that after she said that, she went on saying how whenever guys ask to hang out with her - she knows it's only because they want to be more than friends. so it's pretty certain that she steers clear from them and does not hang out with them. though she does have a lot of guy friends. friends that she's known for a long time.

 

do you think i should just ask her about all of this? just make her know that i'd be uncomfortable if she hung out with a guy alone, who is interested in her romantically.

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I don't see why you can't discuss that. Couples should be able to talk about these kind of boundaries together.

 

It sounds like she is not comfortable with it either, so I don't see it being a problem.

 

I would however be careful about insinuating she is not committed or "smart enough" to handle these things on her own. She seems to be able to make smart decisions on her own, and I think you have to acknowledge that. Maybe something like:

 

"You know, I am so glad you turned down hanging out with that guy! To be honest, it makes me uncomfortable when guys whom are interested ask you to hang out, and I am so glad I have such a great gf whom knows how to let them know you are taken!"

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People will do this for the impact they think it will have upon another person. You may tell your gf/bf about the attention you get from another person to stir up some jealousy, for whatever reason. You may do it to make them more attracted to you (make yourself seem an object of desire); or you may do because you want to see your gf/bf's reaction (sometimes it's nice to see someone being jelaous over you). Or they may do it for unconscious reasons and/or reasons not related to the relationship (maybe they enjoy recounting the attention they got).

 

How to react, depends what's going to work best for you? Act jealous to satisfy that part of them, act like you could not care less, tell them to either stop talking about them or leave, let them have a taste of their own medicaine, etc., etc.

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Cause: Your girlfriend is a flirt. Effect: Guys hit on her.

 

Given that your girlfriend is a flirt, I think it is pretty safe to assume that most if not all of the guys at work want more than a "friendship". If she knows that and still hangs out with guys, I wouldn't trust it, because she is putting herself in situations that aren't conducive to a happy relationship.

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Cause: Your girlfriend is a flirt. Effect: Guys hit on her.

 

Given that your girlfriend is a flirt, I think it is pretty safe to assume that most if not all of the guys at work want more than a "friendship". If she knows that and still hangs out with guys, I wouldn't trust it, because she is putting herself in situations that aren't conducive to a happy relationship.

 

 

agree 100%. women of this type love attention.

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They're her guy-friends, but you're her boyfriend =)

 

I wouldn't worry about it too much, I have a friend who just has that smiling, bubbly personality that immediately attracts every guy around her, she doesn't go out of her way to flirt, but she's too kind to rebuff them out of hand.

 

I wouldn't worry about it, sounds like she is commited to you and happy.

 

Hope this helped =)

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They're her guy-friends, but you're her boyfriend =)

 

I see what you are saying here, but these guys don't see her as a friend, they see her as something more, and she is doing nothing but feeding their ardor for her by flirting with them.

 

How many guys do you know ask a girl with a boyfriend/husband out, simply to hang out as friends? And, if you do, how many of those girl's boyfriends/husbands would be cool with that?

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If the friendship is plutonic, non sexual etc. then id say its fine... whatever.

 

If she wants to go and hang out with the guy alone at his apartment however... draw the line there.

 

Going out for lunch or whatever its ok. Just keep an eye on the guy.

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Cause: Your girlfriend is a flirt. Effect: Guys hit on her.

 

Given that your girlfriend is a flirt, I think it is pretty safe to assume that most if not all of the guys at work want more than a "friendship". If she knows that and still hangs out with guys, I wouldn't trust it, because she is putting herself in situations that aren't conducive to a happy relationship.

 

Very well said, thats what I was wanting to say to massari earlier.. but i end up rambling incoherently when you get right to the point.

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