virginity

[spaggle]

Hey this is a rea;y random question, as a kinda poll. Who out of all of you would consider that after using a dildo or whatever that you have lost your virginity, or do u reckon itd have to be an actual penis, lol, o the joys of being bored!

Just to give my opinion I fell it has to be an actual penis rather than a dildo or strap on or whatever.

Message back and stop me from feeling bored lol

[helpme2]

I don't count my sexual abuse as a child to be "losing my virginity", I decided that my first consensual sexual encounter of intercourse would be my official "first time". I am not sure how medically or socially acceptable that is, but my therapist says it's okay with her and she thinks it was a healthy idea.

[annie24]

I don't count my sexual abuse as a child to be "losing my virginity", I decided that my first consensual sexual encounter of intercourse would be my official "first time". I am not sure how medically or socially acceptable that is, but my therapist says it's okay with her and she thinks it was a healthy idea.

 

I agree with this 100%. I don't consider at all sexual abuse or rape to be your first sexual experience. Those must have been terrible for you. I am so sorry.

 

And no, sex with a dildo/vibrator isn't losing your virginity. How sad would it be if it were? "Hi! I lost my virginity to a dildo!

[spaggle]

Yeah I agree with that totally. definitely makes sense. Anybody else got any views?

[spaggle]

But what if it was someone wearing a strap on lol. haha, trying to catch you out

[helpme2]

I agree with this 100%. I don't consider at all sexual abuse or rape to be your first sexual experience. Those must have been terrible for you. I am so sorry.

 

And no, sex with a dildo/vibrator isn't losing your virginity. How sad would it be if it were? "Hi! I lost my virginity to a dildo!

yeah, using a dildo is basically masturbating even if you use it with someone else, it's like mutual masterbation.

 

the strap on? that's where things get iffy with me, and then also if the mutual masturbation doesn't count then what about lesbians are they all virgins?

 

I don't know, I may have to wait and see arguments before I choose an opinion.

[rms8]

I never really think of virginity in the medical terms (broken hymen) because girls can break their hymen long before they have sex. I've always thought of virginity as when you first have vaginal intercourse. So I guess I wouldn't call using a dildo as losing your virginity.

 

Altho I guess it's different if you're a lesbian and use it with a partner...

[Beec]

In any event, I think it requires penetration to be made by another person. Doing yourself with a dildo would not be losing your virginity, in my book.

[spaggle]

What do lesbians out there think? wow this is interesting.

[SquareWheel]

As far as I'm concerned, if you've only had sex using condoms, you're still a virgin.

 

In my opinion, sex doesn't count if there's no genital contact, so sex with a condom is really only simulated sex.

[annie24]

As far as I'm concerned, if you've only had sex using condoms, you're still a virgin.

 

In my opinion, sex doesn't count if there's no genital contact, so sex with a condom is really only simulated sex.

?????

 

it's not sex if he's wearing a condom?

 

so, I don't know your gender, but if your wife had sex with another man, or if you are a woman, and your husband had sex with another woman, but there was a condom on, it wouldn't be considered sex????

[Pheonixpassion84]

I never really think of virginity in the medical terms (broken hymen) because girls can break their hymen long before they have sex. I've always thought of virginity as when you first have vaginal intercourse. So I guess I wouldn't call using a dildo as losing your virginity.

 

Altho I guess it's different if you're a lesbian and use it with a partner...

 

I agree. I also think its in your own perspective. Whatever losing your virginity means to you is what it should be. It's your own virginity you decide what it means to lose it.

[cmd]

Virginity is often a state of mind. Some people who have been sexually abused do think of themselves as having lost their virginity, which is often emotionally painful. Others who have been abused don't see it as quite so painful. It was just something that happened in the past. In my opinion, someone would have to engage in intercourse with another person (condom or no condom). If you are a lesbian and another person had intercourse with you using a strap-on (and this was your first time), I would say you are no longer a virgin. I think that still constitutes intercourse, albeit with a fake penis. Masturbating with a dildo would still leave you a virgin, even though you may have broken your hymen. Just because I masturbated and ejaculated when I was a kid does not mean I was not still a virgin. If I were gay and received only oral sex from another guy, I might consider myself as having lost my virginity. If your a gay man, would you have to have anal intercourse to lose your virginity?

[Seko]

Interesting question.

 

Well, I want to say - no, you only lose your virginity when you actually have sex with someone, condom or no.

 

But personally...even though you're not *really* losing your virginity by using a dildo....I feel as if it 'dirties the act' of losing your virginity. Like, how can you tell someone that you're a virgin if you use a dildo?

 

Perhaps it's just silly me and my romantic ideas, but in our society, losing your virginity is considered special, and sort of a "first experience".

This is why I think it makes perfect sense for people who were, for example, abused, to consider themselves virgins until they willingly go into a sexual experience for pleasure.

...However, how can you say that you haven't lost it and act like it's special if you use a dildo on your own time? True, you may not have actually had sex with a real guy yet, but...you stick things in there that might even feel better than sex. If you tell a guy "I'm a virgin", and then you get to a point where you are serious enough to have sex...he expects to share a special, touching moment with you. You are presumably giving him something that you can't take back. But...this doesn't hold true if you use a dildo on your own time. It's not special for you at all, becuase you give yourself sexual pleasure through penetration on your own. And while there's absolutely nothing wrong with doing so, it really does take a lot out of that touching moment.

 

Am I making any sense?

I guess all I'm trying to say is....while, technically, someone who uses a dildo on her own time would be considered a virgin...I don't really know whether it's right to go around saying that you are one at that point. It's sort of misleading.

[Seko]

No, it wouldn't be wrong, especially if you guys explore that whole dildo thing together. In this case, he knows you are a virgin, but he also knows you want to use a dildo for a specific purpose. You are going to go through this together, thus sharing all those "first" moments. In your case, you are not misleading anyone, so it's alright.

 

 

I was talking about a woman who might use a dildo regularly for pleasure on her own time, and then still go out and tell guys "I'm a virgin", neglecting to mention that this does not mean she has never been penetrated in that region for sexual pleasure.

And I mean, it's not only misleading for guys if a girl does this. In your situation, Sheyda, you are not really using the dildo for the purpose of sexual pleasure. You are using it so that you can move to the real thing and get pleasure out of that. But if a girl does regularly use a dildo for pleasure, I just don't see how the first time with a guy can be anywhere near as special or meaningful. Personally, I would want to wait until being penetrated by a guy before trying to use a dildo for pleasure, for exactly this reason.

 

Again though, this might just be me and my silly romantic ideas.

[helpme2]

I was repeatedly raped prior to my first consentual sex experience and I don't believe it was any "less special" because of that. Sex is special when you attach meaning to it, if for example you are masturbating for pleasure, and then have your first sexual experience with a person a few months down the road, it's not "less special" because of anything that happened or didn't happen before hand, it's "less special" because you decide it is.

 

Sex isn't magic because of the physical stuff, it's magic because of the emotional/spiritual stuff.