what the hell do I do

[point of fact]

Hi Im a guy of 39 and have been in a relationship with a girl for 8 years. Initially we lived in Florida but 4 years ago I had to move up to the New York area for work reasons. Basically the realtionship is over as we dont make love anymore and although she is a good friend to me and I want the best for her I dont love her any more although she loves me.

 

2 Years ago I met a local girl and had an affair with her without telling her about the girlfriend in Florida. We broke up due to her suspicions (was hard to keep the two apart as I had to keep flying down to Florida to see my long term gf). However we have been in touch on and off, I have told her the truth abouit the original gf which she accepted.

 

Now we are in touch again and she has another boyfriend but she has made it clear that she would be prepared to give it another go with me provided of course that I break up with the old gf. Now fornthe crunch - the thought of the break up terrifies me and makes me feel physically ill. It will devastate her when I tell her even though she must kn ow that something is not right. Also Im scared of a time when I have time on my hands if Ive broken up with my original gf and if it doesnt work out with the new one for some reason) then I wont have the option of going down to Florida to see her and the friends I have down there (Im not from there originally so the only way I have to see the whole Florida thing is through her. If I had a wide circle of family and friends it would be easier I think but I dont as all the time Ive been up here, Ive still been living at least half my life back in Florida.

 

This is my last chance of sorting it out with the new girl and I even know that if I dont take the chance, Ill still be missing her and wishing I were with her and will resent the old gf for stopping me going for it.

 

ANy advice gratefully accepted!

[Beyondthesea]

If you don't love your gf, leave. That's the smartest advice. You're hurting her indirectly by having feelings for someone else, and you've already cheated on her before with this woman.

 

It seems you're just staying because you've decided to settle with your gf provided nothing better comes along...not a very nice life for your gf!!! She deserves someone who will love her and treat her the way she deserves.

 

Leave.

[Goldfish6888]

You can't have your cake and eat it. I'm sorry, but you don't deserve both of them. I do think you have been quite selfish.

 

You haven't been honest with both of them and have cheated. Can you imagine if either of these girls had done this to you. How stupid and taken advantage of you would feel? .

 

Basically I think you need a break from BOTH of THEM. You don't know what you want. If you are to continue with your old g/f she deserves totally honesty from henceforward.

 

If you decide to go for the new g/f - again no backstepping to the old one, just because its familiar and comforting.

[Momene]

I think your original girlfriend may also be as much as fault as you. The relationship is "over" but you both continue it, with all the complications of long distance. If neither of you can commit long term after 8 years, I don't see you ever will. Chances are, she's just as unsatisfied as you are and may well have been unfaithful herself. Regardless of what happens with this other girl, break it off. You both need to find someone long term who isn;t long distance.

 

As for the new girl, try it out. It may not work but it's risk worth taking. You could end up alone. So what? It isn't that bad and doesn't have to last forever.

[lilgothicdevil5533]

leave.

if you stayed you'd be hurting your gf in the end

she deserves much better then a cheater

leave

[confused25]

I personally think that you're being really selfish and does not care for anybody else's feelings except yours. Your gf deserves to know the truth.

[Momene]

She doesn't have to know the whole truth, just that there's no future in the relationship but I'm surprised she hasn't worked that out for herself anyway.