she is worried about commitment from me

[wondering_71]

here is my story... my girlfriend and I met online in a chat room about 3 1/2 years ago... we have met a couple of times in person and wow.. it was great... we haven't seen each other for a long time due to some problems that aren't controled by either of us, as I don't want to go into that... We have talked everyday.. we have fallen in love sooo very deeply... we have talked about everything, marriage, our future, kids, what we both want, etc. then she brings up out of the blue saying that we should just get married and just get it overwith... and she says that over the phone to me... and my reply was "just get it overwith?" because to me that felt like marriage is no big deal, when in fact it is and very important and shouldn't be taken lightly...and she took my response as a no... even though I never said no.. I said I am not ready for that but I do see myself marrying her in the future... I found out from her friend later on that was a proposal from my girlfriend with the "let's just get married and get it overwith" and I didn't even see it as a proposal... this was months ago when this happened and she has been hounding me ever since and soo worried that I won't commit to her and she still thinks that I turned her down, when I don't see it as I turned her down...

 

for one I do want to marry her... i have looked for a ring and found the perfect ring for her and planned my proposal to her... But I want to do it in person and not chatting on the internet or on the phone or anything like that as marriage is a HUGE step and can't be taken lightly at all and she isn't understanding that... I still want to keep it as a surprise for when we see each other again and she is being soo impatient on this all... I do love her very much and I want to marry her... so how can I calm her nerves on this until I can propose to her in person? i have tried everything.. told her that I see myself marrying her in the future and she is igoring everything I say and her thoughts on how she thinks I turned her down is blocking out anything I say when we talk about marriage now... Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!

[Aura Seeker]

Hi there.

 

I personally see red flags going up all over the place with this scenario. Meeting over a chat site is all good, but the time you have actually spent together is minimal.

 

Also I have to say that I have a somewhat jaded outlook. I would be wanting to know more about behavior under pressure, patterns, past. Who is mommy and daddy? Seeing the whole functionality of the family.

 

Have you met the parents? If I were you, I wouldn't get rushed into anything. I have had many experiences where people can be on good behavior until they have secured the goal. It may just be me, but I don't think you have spent enough time together (in real life) (from your account) to be able to really know each other.

 

If you want to set her mind at ease, give a promise ring instead of an engagement ring. You sound like you take this all very serious, and I don't see why you have to be bum rushed in from emotional pressure that it sounds like you are getting.

 

Just my opinion. ;-)

 

A