Help!!!

[e25j39]

OK, I am with a guy who has a serious addiction to porongraphy! It is so bad that even tonight when I started to pursue something, he in turn, told me "you don't want to hear this but porn might help me out." I mean come on! How much porn does one need. This guy has verbally abused me, physically abused me and now TOTALLY neglets my needs for his addiction. If I confront him, he tells me to get out. If I ask him if that is how he feels he tells me I just need to shut my mouth. There is a story with this guy that I could make millions off of if I wrote a book, trust me. But for some reason, this guy thinks he is the next closest to Jesus Christ himself. I have NEVER in my life met someone who is so self indulged, vain and manipulative ever! It's always turned around as to why he is the victim. He bought me a car and rings. Every chance he gets he throws it up in my face. There is no telling how much I spent on him and now that the tables are turned, he feels like he deserves a freaking golden ladder to heaven. This has been the cycle with him now and his past relationships. His past relationships have always ended very violently. I left him last June because after the third physical stike, I knew I needed to get OUT! In the time that we were separated, I couldn't even see someone else because I knew I loved him. In that time that we were broke up, I found out that he at least slept with 3 guys. Two being a 3 way and the other was later described to me as being a friend until I found out differently. Even when I asked him point blank about who he had been with while we were apart, he lied.

 

This guy seems to think because he bought me a car and bought me a "commitment" ring that it washes away all the hurt he has caused and still continues to cause. He has pretty much told me that "Until I work and help pay the bills, I have no say so in what goes on!" What about when I did all that while he stayed at home and chatted, traded pics, and God knows what else? It's like a double standard. I have NEVER in my life been more depressed. I sleep all day and when he gets home, I do what ever I can to numb the pain of his abuse. I have NO say so in what I deem as apporpriate in a relationship and if I dare mention it, it turns into an outright battle. I am so tired and so over feeling inadequate and used. Yes he bought me a car and yes he bought "us" rings but when does the emotional and physical stuff that really means something play a role in our relationship? I am not happy. I am as miserable or more miserable than I was before and he just continues to feed it.

 

This guy has had everything handed to him in his life on a silver platter and he has yet to even get a minute sense of what it feels like to hurt and need in return. Where is the fairness in all this? When will he fall flat on his face and LOOSE everything and realize that he is a selfish, egotistical, self loathing brat?

 

Can someone help me here please because I don't know what else to do!

 

Miserable in GA!

 

 

[kadvati79]

OK, I am with a guy who has a serious addiction to porongraphy!

I've got some experience with addictions, both my own and in others. To be honest, there is nothing you can do to help an addicted person unless they want to help themselves - short of staging an intervention and sending them off to rehab. Nothing else really works.

 

I mean come on! How much porn does one need. This guy has verbally abused me, physically abused me and now TOTALLY neglets my needs for his addiction.

I'm not sure why you are so concerned with the pornography addiction, my major concern is that he is verbally and physically abusing you. No matter how great someone is... and it doesn't sound like this guy is great... you MUST NOT stay with someone why abuses you.

 

If I confront him, he tells me to get out.

Thats your answer. Get out. Thats all you can do at this stage, get out and hope he gets better.

 

This guy has had everything handed to him in his life on a silver platter and he has yet to even get a minute sense of what it feels like to hurt and need in return. Where is the fairness in all this? When will he fall flat on his face and LOOSE everything and realize that he is a selfish, egotistical, self loathing brat?

I'm going out on a limb here but I think the reason you are staying with him is ego. You want him to fall so he will see that you are right. You can't stand the fact he gets away with living how he is and doing what he is doing. You want him to see what a catch you are. You want him to be fair and equitable and understand that you are right.

 

Honestly, its unlikely that will happen. People do change (I am living proof), but that change comes from within them.

 

Can someone help me here please because I don't know what else to do!

 

Leave.

 

This all begs the question, why the hell are u with this f**kup?

[BrokenWingedFaery]

I'd say your SMALLEST problem with this dude is his porn habit.

[Jayar]

I'm echoing the others... And adding that the first time a guy hits you it's his fault... EACH and EVERY subsequent time he hits you, sorry to say, is YOUR fault. Get out while you can, with a little pride and dignity.

 

Get a few good books (my favourites are "The Rules" and "Why Men Love B!TCHE$" and change the way you feel about yourself and the men in your life. Good luck!

 

ETA: I just noticed this is in the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender section of the forum... The two mentioned books, and what I stated above, still apply. However, I'd add to it "The Rules 2" because it has a chapter specifically on same-sex approaches.

[akazie]

I think you need to came to the realisation that you deserve better because you really do. You have to realise that you can't change a person and you are fighting a losing battle here but I do know how hard it can be to leave.

 

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The link above is about setting personal boundaries in a relationship to protect yourself. You should read it because it will help you. I wish you all the luck in the world because I think your going to need it dealing with this guy.

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[FoxLocke]

Yes, Porn is the LEAST of your worries. He is verbally AND physically abusive. Leave him. He seems really unstable, and if you don't put distance between yourself and him things could get really ugly.

Do you think you can goto the police and ask for a restraining order or something?

I know that many gay men who are in abuse situations are embarressed to report it to the police. I think you should find a gay/lesbian support center in your area that will intercede on your behalf.

 

Blessed Be!

[Tigris]

I agree with the others LEAVE HIM!