OK, I am with a guy who has a serious addiction to porongraphy! It is so bad that even tonight when I started to pursue something, he in turn, told me "you don't want to hear this but porn might help me out." I mean come on! How much porn does one need. This guy has verbally abused me, physically abused me and now TOTALLY neglets my needs for his addiction. If I confront him, he tells me to get out. If I ask him if that is how he feels he tells me I just need to shut my mouth. There is a story with this guy that I could make millions off of if I wrote a book, trust me. But for some reason, this guy thinks he is the next closest to Jesus Christ himself. I have NEVER in my life met someone who is so self indulged, vain and manipulative ever! It's always turned around as to why he is the victim. He bought me a car and rings. Every chance he gets he throws it up in my face. There is no telling how much I spent on him and now that the tables are turned, he feels like he deserves a freaking golden ladder to heaven. This has been the cycle with him now and his past relationships. His past relationships have always ended very violently. I left him last June because after the third physical stike, I knew I needed to get OUT! In the time that we were separated, I couldn't even see someone else because I knew I loved him. In that time that we were broke up, I found out that he at least slept with 3 guys. Two being a 3 way and the other was later described to me as being a friend until I found out differently. Even when I asked him point blank about who he had been with while we were apart, he lied.
This guy seems to think because he bought me a car and bought me a "commitment" ring that it washes away all the hurt he has caused and still continues to cause. He has pretty much told me that "Until I work and help pay the bills, I have no say so in what goes on!" What about when I did all that while he stayed at home and chatted, traded pics, and God knows what else? It's like a double standard. I have NEVER in my life been more depressed. I sleep all day and when he gets home, I do what ever I can to numb the pain of his abuse. I have NO say so in what I deem as apporpriate in a relationship and if I dare mention it, it turns into an outright battle. I am so tired and so over feeling inadequate and used. Yes he bought me a car and yes he bought "us" rings but when does the emotional and physical stuff that really means something play a role in our relationship? I am not happy. I am as miserable or more miserable than I was before and he just continues to feed it.
This guy has had everything handed to him in his life on a silver platter and he has yet to even get a minute sense of what it feels like to hurt and need in return. Where is the fairness in all this? When will he fall flat on his face and LOOSE everything and realize that he is a selfish, egotistical, self loathing brat?
Can someone help me here please because I don't know what else to do!
Miserable in GA!
