VIRGOLDY Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Would you rather know someone for a while, see them at their worst, and then learn sweet things about them... or would you rather meet the "perfect" person...only to find out they are NOT so perfect. What is the likelihood of a relationship coming from the first scenerio, as opposed to the second? Link to comment
Shyguy24 Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 i would prefer the 1st scenario why ? very simple if i still want to know the person that means there is something there that i am still fond of the person and thereforeeee i am justifying his/her actions Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 I would prefer the first scenario as well but it seems the 2nd is more prevelant. Of course, it just SEEMS that way.....to me. I have no evidence either way. Link to comment
Momene Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Having married someone after the 2nd, I know that my wife has faults but she's MUCH more honest than my ex-wife. Link to comment
Riot Nrrrd Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Definitely the first, because I just experienced the second. My ex-fiancée was The Perfect Woman for the first couple of months, then slowly but surely, The Scary Woman crept out of the woodwork ... and because she had pursued me in the "courtship" phase, I was head over heels in love with her, and thereforeeee primed to ignore all the red flags that started sprouting up like crazy. Eventually, it got so bad that I completely lost my sense of Self in the relationship, and was afraid to bring up my own needs (or to say "No") because of fear of abandonment, brought on by her fragile, brittle psyche and the Commitmentphobic "has one foot out the door" vibe that she constantly gave off. I became completely afraid to say anything to her for fear that it would send her spiraling into emotional shut-down and she'd leave me. (As a good friend of mine last night said "you already ``knew'' what was up, and found yourself unwilling to risk being true to yourself, because nuclear annihilation was covertly on the table".) One of the sad things about relationships is that relationship books will try and pound it into you that you attract people like these, perhaps unconsciously. There was nothing at the start to indicate that my ex-fiancée was like this, that Demons Lurked Within. As my good friend also said, "So the real learning there is you have to get fairly deep into a relationship to find out it's wrong". It's not a very fun experience - so personally I'd rather have the "know someone for a while, see them at their worst" experience than the latter. (This sounds like the kind of scenario that is only possible in a "friends" circle where you can get to know someone first before plunging in headlong.) Link to comment
Midgi Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 First one No big bad surprises only little ones which will make you appreciate the other person more. Link to comment
cheecago Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Riot did you date my ex or what? I coudn't have wrote it better...Weird... Link to comment
VIRGOLDY Posted July 23, 2006 Author Share Posted July 23, 2006 I would also prefer the 1st scenerio, because at least you know the sort of person you're dealing with...and there are less likely to be any surprises down the road. I think when we meet someone we are looking for that "storybook" romance, and when it falls apart, it's so much harder to accept that it wasn't SO wonderful afterall. No one is perfect and it ALWAYS comes out in the wash. Look at Christie Brinkley and her hubby of 10 years. Here is a drop dead gorgeous woman and probably thought her hubby was her "prince charming". A sad example, but so true. Link to comment
VIRGOLDY Posted July 23, 2006 Author Share Posted July 23, 2006 She and her husband are getting divorced after she found out he was having an affair with his office assistant. Link to comment
Momene Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 That is exactly why I am almost going to be a feminist. No matter what or who a guy has, his eyes are always out there, wandering. If that's you in the avatar, I doubt if a bloke's eyes would wander very far! I suppose it is in our nature to look but it doesn't mean that we necessarily have any intention of being unfaithful. A nice looking girl is pleasing to the eye, as I'm sure a nice looking man is to you. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 I say I would go for the first option, I prefer seeing them for a while, noticing what they're lacking at and then knowing sweet stuff. Why you may ask?? Cuz, that way you know from the start that neither you or he/she is perfect, thus you won't have expectations set too high. Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Maybe this is why "jerks" get so much action. Link to comment
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