gaiden Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Well, I've finally gotten to the point where I am ready to deal with the last items that my ex left at the house when she left. But, I'm not entirely sure what to do, hence this post. When my ex just up and took off and then called me from the airport, she said she didn't want anything that she left at the house. She said I could do whatever I wanted with what was left. Fast forward a week, her sister comes over to check out what was left, and her sister told me that my ex had called her and asked her to get a few important things that she left. Her organizer, her photo album of her previous ex, and all her coats. I told her that all that stuff was gone. Her sister was okay with that. Her sister left, called my ex, told her the stuff was gone and a whole whirlwind of hate came my way from my ex. Aparently she didn't think I would hold her to her word. You tell me you don't want it?? Fine, to garbage/goodwill/whatever it goes. Well, to be honest now, I did throw out everything BUT the coats. I just couldn't do it. They are very nice coats and I'm sort of torn what to do with them. There's about 10 of them, some full length leather, etc... I had a feeling she would ask for them back but I don't know what to do. There is NO way she would legally come after me for the coats. Just take my word on that. My heart says "Man, you don't need to be vengefull for what she did to you, just give the coats back and be on your way" but my brain says "Dude, you're $18,000 dollars in debt because of this woman, do NOT give her the coats back. She said you could do whatever you want with them, so sell them or give them away but do NOT give them to her". I am torn. I don't want the bad karma of giving them away but then again I don't want to give them back either. Sigh, what would you all do in this situation? Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 You know I truly believe that a gift is a gift, and you can't just take it back when it no longer suits you to have given it. My ex bought me lots of gifts (and always threw it in my face, too) but the fact is that I spent a much larger ratio of my income on him, and that I also bought him gifts, which is something that I never once brought to his attention, or bragged about to others (not saying you did that....), I just chalked it up as par for the course during a relationship. My point is: The relationship is over, and I understand you're torn. But I strongly recommend that you package up everything that belongs to her, take it to the post office, mail it to either her or her sister, and never again look back. Further, I stronly recommend that you not ever mention to a new female interest that you spent lots of money (or any money) on your ex girlfriend. She will not want to hear about it. Link to comment
Dako Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 I'd take the high road and give them to her. Why not? It's a waste of emotions to use some stuff as a way to punish someone you once loved. You won't feel angry forever. Link to comment
Relationship Coach Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 She sounds like a cold hearted person, she probably needs the coats! Put a note in each pocket of all of the coats expressing your displeasure for her actions and send them to her C.O.D. Throw some magazines and books in there to add to the postage, then move forward with your life. RC Link to comment
BetterKarma Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Put a note in each pocket of all of the coats expressing your displeasure for her actions and send them to her C.O.D. Throw some magazines and books in there to add to the postage, then move forward with your life. HAHAHAHA!! That is awesome advice! She left you high and dry. And before she left, she told you that she didn't want anything else and for you to do what ever you wanted. I would take that everything in your house is your possession now. Do what you want with it. Build a little bon-fire in your backyard and burn it for warmth or cut patterns out of the coats and make hats for your friends or pawn them to pay off some of her debt that she left you. Or do exactly what RC said. =) Basically, do what ever you want as long as you know you won't regret it later. I wouldn't consider her feelings at this point, she didn't consider yours when she left. Link to comment
gaiden Posted July 20, 2006 Author Share Posted July 20, 2006 While I would LOVE to COD a monster package to her, I have not contacted her since she left me for her 'friend'. I don't know anything about her or him other then the state they live in. If I do give the coats back, I will just call her sister and arrange for a time that I can come over and drop them off. I need to head out in that direction soon anyways so I can kill two birds with one stone. The note idea though.... that can be done regardless. They will more then likely just get tossed without being read by her sister. Sigh... Link to comment
Dako Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Reminds me of a friend who went through a nasty divorce. His wife cut just one sleeve or leg from all his clothes and neatly packed them for him to pick up. Link to comment
gaiden Posted July 20, 2006 Author Share Posted July 20, 2006 Build a little bon-fire in your backyard and burn it for warmth.... Basically, do what ever you want as long as you know you won't regret it later. I wouldn't consider her feelings at this point, she didn't consider yours when she left. Actually, I did this with some of the things like our engagement photos and other things that I KNEW I was going to get rid of without regret. The problem was, I burned so much, my poor lawn caught fire and I had to hose it down. I had a great laugh about it. As for not doing something I would regret, yea, I agree. That's why I waited as long as I did to handle the coat issue. I didn't want to make a rash decision and end up regretting it. I knew one week of her being gone, and me still feeling like ****, I was NOT giving her the coats. She said they were mine and I was going to wait to decide what to do with them because of the dollar value on them. You tell me everything is mine now? Great. Here's a picture of my ex before you wearing your coat. She liked the one you wore the night you two met so I gave it to her.. yea, that would be nice, but I wouldn't do it. I'm not interested in inviting more drama to this train wreck. Link to comment
Relationship Coach Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Reminds me of a friend who went through a nasty divorce. His wife cut just one sleeve or leg from all his clothes and neatly packed them for him to pick up. Sounds like a bunch of clothes got donated to the DAV! Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 No, that's being childish and petty. Take the high road and give her her property back. Link to comment
Holiday Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 RC, I like your style! Ditto, too funny! Link to comment
Relationship Coach Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Nothing childish or petty about this guy, here is a bit of history for you from one of his previous threads and this is just a glimpse of the gold digging and back stabbing ways. Read the one about how she moves in with this other guy with a new house and supplies her with a car. She's after one thing a provider with a thick wallet. Synopsis: Girl I have known for 7 years, but never dated, needs a place to stay and asks if she can stay with me. I fly her here, put her up, paying her bills and portion of rent till she can get a job. She’s scared because she’s completely dependant on me and that’s something that’s never happened to her before. After a month, we start dating. Everything is blissful. Two months later, we’re engaged. She didn’t have a job yet so I’m still paying for everything, including her DUI and doctors bills from stuff that happened while she was away in the other state. Things start to get rocky because of her lack of honesty. We talk, she promises to work on it. It continues to happen. I start feeling used. How can I continue to support someone who can’t be honest with me? She finally got a job and starts paying her way for things. Things look a little better Lies still going on so both of us agreed it was in the best interest to go get help. We start counseling. She continues to lie about the same things so I have her move out to give me some space. On the way out, she lies about where she placed the engagement ring Now I’m frustrated because apparently I’m the bad guy for throwing her out when she had nothing else to depend on and she claims she doesn’t know where the engagement ring is. I want the ring back, I don’t know how to proceed through with this whole situation. If she desides to deal with the lies, I think it will work out and we can put this behind us, if not, well, that’s her loss. I’m not letting her run off with a 10 grand engagement ring though. The history of her and I Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 It doesn't matter he is helping to perpetuate this exchange between him and her if he does that. The best thing for him to do is to give the stuff to her and leave the relationship in the past. Link to comment
amazing_wierdo Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 I think you already know what to do. Give her the coats or feel regret later. Link to comment
Relationship Coach Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 You are certainly entitled to your opinion here and I'm sure all here welcome it but knowing the history here, he owes her nothing. Heaven's Gates are clearly wide open for this guy! She told him to do whatever he wanted to with her stuff. If she would have asked him to keep it there until she could arrange to have it all picked up, well that is a different story that never happened. What about the $10,000 engagement ring which she lied about and stole? The Taliban wanted Al Zarqawi's body back so they could give it a proper burial, tough poop! Sooner or later you have to do what is best for you, not the other person. She has fleeced this poor guy and now he should just keep on giving her what she wants? Sorry this guy has turned more cheeks that a plastic surgeon in Hollywood! RC Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 lol....now come on....I haven't heard her side of things..... And I kind of doubt she's running a one-woman-taliban.....lol...... Link to comment
Relationship Coach Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Read the history......she's a blackwidow! Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Read the history......she's a blackwidow! mmmmmhhhmmmm.....Satan personified, I'm sure Link to comment
BetterKarma Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 I think he should pawn or sell her coats on ebay. I'm sure he probably paid for them anyway and she left him with $18,000 in debt! She should at least pay for some of the debt, even if her coats are sold for $1. Honestly though, you're in a deep financial hole. Do what you have to do to pay it back and if that means selling her stuff that she told you that you could have before she left you, then so be it. Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 I paid for coats, and a lot of other stuff for my ex boyfriend. He didn't treat me anywhere close as well as I would have liked. I would never consider his property that I gave to him willingly as a gift, to still in some way be mine simply because I paid for it. It's his and he can have it. It was something I gave to him, to be forever his, not conditionally. Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 There is NO way she would legally come after me for the coats. Just take my word on that. My heart says "Man, you don't need to be vengefull for what she did to you, just give the coats back and be on your way" but my brain says "Dude, you're $18,000 dollars in debt because of this woman, do NOT give her the coats back. She said you could do whatever you want with them, so sell them or give them away but do NOT give them to her". Sell them on Ebay. Maybe after you sell them you'll just be 17k in debt instead of 18k. Link to comment
iceman85 Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Their yours, do what you want with them, dont give them back to her. Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Their yours, do what you want with them, dont give them back to her. No, he gave them to her, so they are hers. Link to comment
BetterKarma Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 When my ex just up and took off and then called me from the airport, she said she didn't want anything that she left at the house. She said I could do whatever I wanted with what was left. They're not hers anymore when she told him that. No, he gave them to her, so they are hers. And she gave them back to him. thereforeeee it's his now. Link to comment
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