Conditioning for Bad Behavior??

[doyathink]

A recent thread about the consideration of gawking at the opposite sex led me to think a bit beyond!

 

Do we condition ourselves to the point that we create bad behavior ? We say 'Don't gawk or stare at another women/man while in the presents of your mate', it's rude! "Have respect for your mate"!

 

In a way, are we saying, Be Deceptive! We are conditioning ourselves to hide these sorts of things from our mates because we know it's hurtful! So is infidelity, so is lying, but we don't want this done behide our backs!

 

If we learn to 'just hide the small things that we know will hurt our relationship and our mates (like gawking) can this lead to bigger problems? I think this approach is wrong! I think we should be upfront in all that we do to earn respect and trust. If it isn't a good thing to do in front of our mates then I don't think it's a good thing to do behind their back.

 

If we tell our partners 'Don't stare when your with me', then are we essentially telling them to do their inappropriate behaviors behind our back?

 

Just a thought, tell me what doyathink!

[monkey1]

Hmm, I don't think we're conditioned to bad behavior.

 

If my boyfriend looked at other women while we were out together, hmm ... it might bother me, but I don't think I'd make it an issue unless he was totally turned physically around or totally mesmerized by a women passing by. I might say something, but I'd rather he did it when I wasn't around. LOL, I'd rather it be out of sight, out of mind. If he did it while I wasn't around, oh well, doesn't matter to me really.

 

I'm not bothered if my boyfriend talks to other women, even if it's just being friendly, he's naturally social and out-going and likes talking to all sorts of people. And the reason it doesn't bother me, his interaction with the opposite sex is because i know he loves me and cares about me. He doesn't act like "Hey, how YOU DOING?" when he talks to other women, and I'm sure, looks at women.

 

I don't know, that's my 2 cents.

[itsallgrand]

Thoughtful question doyathink! I like it.

 

Short thoughts for now:

 

Yes, I believe that sometimes we condition ourselves (or were conditioned by others) for 'bad' a.k.a. undesirable behavior.

 

In the case of gawking, I won't go there. lol. That would become convoluted fast.

 

But in general: ALL relationships have omissions, deceit, and rules to a degree. Are they mindless, disrespectful or destructive to the relationship? Or do they help foster health and unity?

There is always the potential for things to awry.

There is no absolute behavior which can guarantee 100% honesty and 100% unity all the time. It is simply unrealistic, I believe.

 

Saying "don't stare in front of me" does not necessarily mean hide it.

It's all in the interpretation, the social dynamic, and body language, and personalities.

Communication is tricky slippery business.

[LostInMyThoughts]

As a guy, I don't know why it's so inappropriate to have wandering eyes. I can understand if a casual glance turns into a major stare that is a problem.

 

It's not like us guys lose our impulses when we're with dating someone.

 

When I look at a woman, it's my mind saying "this person is physically attractive" and nothing more.

 

I guess it's like women who like watching movies with Brad Pitt (or whoever the new boy-heart throb is) because they think he's sexy.

[doyathink]

Thoughtful question doyathink! I like it.

 

Short thoughts for now:

 

Yes, I believe that sometimes we condition ourselves (or were conditioned by others) for 'bad' a.k.a. undesirable behavior.

 

In the case of gawking, I won't go there. lol. That would become convoluted fast.

 

But in general: ALL relationships have omissions, deceit, and rules to a degree. Are they mindless, disrespectful or destructive to the relationship? Or do they help foster health and unity?

There is always the potential for things to awry.

There is no absolute behavior which can guarantee 100% honesty and 100% unity all the time. It is simply unrealistic, I believe.

 

Saying "don't stare in front of me" does not necessarily mean hide it.

It's all in the interpretation, the social dynamic, and body language, and personalities.

Communication is tricky slippery business.

Ah, yes, you see where I'm going with this! I think if we want to live an honorable and respectful life than we should feel guilt within ourselves for what is inappropriate behavior while in the absense of our partners.

 

If we abstain from 'gwaking' in the presents of our mate, for fear of hurting them, then why do some not feel the same 'respect' while apart!

 

I think integrity can be lost within the little things that we hide, which in turn, can lead to the bigger problems.

[melrich]

If we abstain from 'gwaking' in the presents of our mate, for fear of hurting them, then why do some not feel the same 'respect' while apart!

 

I don't think any relationship will last long where the people in it act one way with each other and another way when they are apart.

[doyathink]

As a guy, I don't know why it's so inappropriate to have wandering eyes. I can understand if a casual glance turns into a major stare that is a problem.

 

It's not like us guys lose our impulses when we're with dating someone.

 

When I look at a woman, it's my mind saying "this person is physically attractive" and nothing more.

 

I guess it's like women who like watching movies with Brad Pitt (or whoever the new boy-heart throb is) because they think he's sexy.

I don't mind the looking either, I look too. what I'm getting at is when we want our partners to hide it and potential problems that can come of it!

[doyathink]

I don't think any relationship will last long where the people in it act one way with each other and another way when they are apart.

FINALLY!!! Precisely what I am trying to convey! I'm not crazy afterall???

[melrich]

Not in my book. I think most would agree.

[LostInMyThoughts]

I don't mind the looking either, I look too. what I'm getting at is when we want our partners to hide it and potential problems that can come of it!

 

I was just talking about your comment about inappropriate behavior. I thought you had implied that wandering eyes in a relationship is inappropriate.

 

But yeah I do agree with what you're saying. Honest and open are two big keys to a healthy relationship.

[itsallgrand]

Agreed, doyathink and melrich.

 

Lostinmythoughts,

 

For me, wandering eyes (where it goes overboard) bothers me bc I want the attention on me. Preferably more attention from my man than from random men on the street, restaurant, whatever. It means more. And I certainly want him looking at me as often (or more than) other women.

 

lol. That is an honest answer. A woman wants to feel special with the man she loves. Like the most beautiful one in the room. At least to him. At least a good amount of the time.

 

Of course guys and girls don't go dead inside and stop finding others attractive when they fall in love. But, it's nice to get that confirmation that you are still desirable and interesting to your partner in a sea of pretty faces.

[doyathink]

I was just talking about your comment about inappropriate behavior. I thought you had implied that wandering eyes in a relationship is inappropriate.

 

But yeah I do agree with what you're saying. Honest and open are two big keys to a healthy relationship.

Ha ha, no...we are human. We appreciate beauty!

[doyathink]

Agreed, doyathink and melrich.

 

Lostinmythoughts,

 

For me, wandering eyes (where it goes overboard) bothers me bc I want the attention on me. Preferably more attention from my man than from random men on the street, restaurant, whatever. It means more. And I certainly want him looking at me as often (or more than) other women.

 

lol. That is an honest answer. A woman wants to feel special with the man she loves. Like the most beautiful one in the room. At least to him. At least a good amount of the time.

 

Of course guys and girls don't go dead inside and stop finding others attractive when they fall in love. But, it's nice to get that confirmation that you are still desirable and interesting to your partner in a sea of pretty faces.

um, oh yes we do but would you prefer he hide the looks/glances or be upfront and do anything infront of you that he would do behind your back?

[nottoogreen]

I think there is plenty of conditioning for bad behaviour going on.

 

I posted two related threads: Accept Your Body and Learn to Have a Positive Self Image and Should fame and fashion carry warning labels? referred in Reference materials and more info

 

Please consider, what bites ourselves works the other way around as well. Thus, IMHO many people are bound to be opportunistic and look at/for the model/fashion/fame types.

[Momene]

I'm now at the age where I can appreciate beauty in a girl without imagining what she's like in bed!

[melrich]

um, oh yes we do but would you prefer he hide the looks/glances or be upfront and do anything infront of you that he would do behind your back?

 

definitely be upfront. My partner and I both point out good looking people to each other.

 

In fact, tell you the truth, one of our favorite things to do together is a curb side table, a coffee, and a good session of people watching.

 

If we couldn't do that together a part of our relationship would be gone. I wouldn't want to be with someone that I felt I could not be my honest self with.