Am I just wasting my time

[SarahRose]

Subject says it.

 

Am I just wasting my time with my relationship?

 

I asked him the other day if he thought we would ever get married and he said probably not. He said there is no point to marriage.

 

I said if you feel that way then why are we together?

 

He said he didn't mean it like that but that he meant he wasn't ready right now as he is too young. He is 26.

 

I think after 2 years, I have the right to ask those types of questions. Now I am not sure about marriage myself but it would be nice to know that he is committed to being with me for a long time. I think marriage is stupid in a way but that doesn't mean I don't want some type of long term commitment.

 

Thoughts?

[Beyondthesea]

If a man says he isn't ready for marriage and doesn't want to get married, believe him.

 

After 2 years, you have every right to ask if the relationship is marriage worthy. If he doesn't want to marry you, why is he still with you?

 

And he's 26 and too young? Yeah, you're dealing with a commitment phobe here. I would walk.

[RayKay]

Well, if you think marriage is stupid, why are you worried about it? Someone can live in a long term commitment with you and not marry you if you want that. Lots of people are happy staying together for life, without marriage, and many people get into relationships without thinking of marriage automatically. This is not wrong, as long as they are honest and not misleading you.

 

On the other hand, if it is important, than there is no shame in it being important, and you should not pretend that it isn't important to you if it is.

 

After two years, you have every right to know where it is heading. But I would say if he says he does not want to get married, listen to that. And I would not spend time pressuring him, or spend 5 years hoping he will change his mind. If it's important to you, you have to decide if it's important enough to leave to find someone whom will want to marry you, or whether you would rather stay with him unmarried - only if you will not resent him for it.

[Day_Walker]

I dont think that he has said that he doesnt want to be committed to you for a while but he just doesnt want to get married. The truth of the matter is if you want to be around him longer then thats what you do but if you are looking for marriage material then this isnt the guy for you.

[piegirl]

It seems that he may be against marriage in general. It does not seem that he is a commitment phobe.

 

Like Raykay said this is where you make the decision of how important marrige is to you. Are you willing to be wiht him long term without marriage? Or is not getting married a deal breaker for you?

[SarahRose]

Thanks for the replies.

 

Yes it would be ok to be with him without marriage. I don't have to get married. I do want to merge our lives together. Live together. Share our lives together and have our future together.

 

That is what I want.

 

I am not really sure how to talk to him about it.

 

And yes Beyondthesea, if he doesn't plan to be with me long term, then what is he doing with me?

 

He just seems so vague about everything like he has no idea what he'll be doing 5 years from now.

 

I want to say something to him about how I feel and what I want. Not sure what to say or how to say it. If he doesn't see a future with me, then why is he with me and I certainly don't want to waste anymore time on that.

[I_Like_Doug]

I wouldnt take that too badly... i mean, if your not ready to commit then what right to you have asking him if he's ready? I mean... i understand that he may have a problem committing, but yes... 26 is young to marry... i mean, he still wants to have fun... i dont think that it is unusual for him to not be ready...