Crazy games initiated NC finally

[niceguy79]

My story is a lil long "but very interesting you've never read anything like this before" ill try to make it as short as possible. I talked to this girl for 6 months before we met (met online) , we were on different ends of the country so it was hard to jump on a plane and just see each other. During those 6 months it felt as though we were in love it felt like love (talked 24/7 on the phone) and as you can imagine grand plans were made.

 

I came home one day to an e-mail of her saying i want to be the mother of your kid, your the guy for me, i wanna be married to you, blah blah. At first I was taken aback by all of this since we haven't even met yet, but i fell into the trap and became attached to the idea.

 

Well last christmas she started acting a lil fishy and said please come see me for xmas and i couldnt due to my job. We had plans already set for february and she said she could wait til then. Well new years eve comes around and she disappears for 2 days (turns her phone off), no happy new year, nothing, and im starting to worry about her, well come to find out she went to see an ex, i found out through her e-mail (i know i was wrong but i was worried about her) when she called me 2 days later i confronted her about it and she lied, i said tell me, well she confessed and said she was stuck between two guys and this ex kept calling her and she had to go see him.

 

I was torn up but i had'nt even met her so i let it slide (fyi i was true to her the whole time) and we kept our plans for february but it seemed as though the tone changed about us, so in a desperate move to keep the initial idea of us being together i asked her if she would marry me if i came there to see her with a ring. She said if you come and ask me to marry you, you might get an awesome answer, so of course my hopes are high and i fly there with a ring in february.

 

When we first saw each other i melted to say the least and was really into her. I believe she was into me also (we were intimate) but i could sense something wrong and i just knew this other guy was still in the picture. I spent five days with her in her own place and it was wonderful i met her family and friends which all seemed to really like me and had heard alot about me. I did propose to her, not the way i wanted to because she was fishing in my bag looking for it, and i just gave in and got down on one knee and asked and she said do i have to give an answer now? BIIIIIG cue and since it was our first time meeting, like an idiot, i said no take your time its a big commitment, i wasn't going to pressure her into marrying or making a commitment if she wasn't feeling it and we both agreed that it is just an engagement that i would move in and we would see if we were really compatible which would have been a big risk on my part moving and all. Even though she didn't give me a straight answer the whole time i was there she wore the ring in front of friends and family which made me nervous but yet excited. When i left she said "I will give you an answer in a week i need time to think about this and see if i miss you" so i agreed.

 

Well a week goes by and she sends me a text saying "yes i will marry" i was so happy and i didnt even inquire about this other guy because i wanted to trust in her decision. She said she talked to her mother and sister about it and they said that "i am such a great guy" you should do it and she even mentioned her mother asking her if she loved me and she told me that she replied "yes mom i do love him" so i was a very happy man and for the next week all we talked about was how we were gonna be married and it was like it was just a big f***ing game now looking back, because one day i get a call saying i love you but im not "in love" and i start suspecting this other guy now and she said yes i still talk to him and im confused and all the girls at my work say i should drop you both and find someone new. I was very angry and sad.

 

Well guys she did, she dropped us both and she started dating this other "really attractive" guy in her words and she said dont call me anymore. I didnt even have time to breathe between marriage and hopes of a future with this girl to "leave me alone, i can be friends but nothing more."

 

I started becoming obsessive saying just see me again and then make your choice and she said no and i begged and pleaded and when that didnt work i started calling for closure and reasons why which she gave none and eventually changed her cell number calling me a psycho....but i still had her house phone and i started calling that, i was a mess to say the least.

 

When i finally let go after a couple of weeks, i know she sensed this and now she starts calling me???? She is now telling me that she is happy "let me be happy" and i stopped calling her house phone but now she is calling me on restricted with her new cell number so i wouldnt have it. As heartbroken as i was i answered the calls knowing it was her and spoke with her everyday, she was the one calling, not me, and it felt like after time that i was now the fallback guy. She would even call me from his house when she was bored or he was sleeping??? I thought it was weird but i was like addicted to this girl so i continued to talk to her.

 

Well not even two months in this new relationship she starts having problems and at this point now they are broken up with no intention of getting back together. She trusts me again and gives me her new cell number but says dont call like you used to and honestly i never call!!! A few weeks pass, she is single as far as i know, and i inquired a couple of times about seeing her again and she always shoots me down saying there is nothing there, get over it, we are just friends. Two days ago i told her, and keep in mind she calls everyday to talk, that i can't be friends and that im still not over her (broke-up on phone 4 months ago) and that if there is nothing there i have to go heal and get over this whole thing because i am much stronger now and i have let go somewhat in my heart.

 

I told her that in the future i can come back and we can establish a friendship but right now i still care about you alot and think about our original plans and i dont want to stick around for another heartbreak if this girl gets with someone else. She told me well if you can't be friends "adios" and i said "ok" which must be a shock to her now because ive always been there for her but she isnt always there for me, i think she is using me as emotional support until she gets into another relationship or she is really confused right now and doesnt want to lead me on by seeing me again.

 

I instituted no contact as one final move to see if this girl can now let go she is 24 im 27 by the way. The very next day she calls and says "i know im not supposed to be calling you" and i said "ok" and she said "you cant be my friend" and i said "why did you call then" and she said "because i was bored" and i said "i think there is a lil bit more to it than that" and she said "whatever" and hung up i did not call back and havent heard from her for one whole day lol so i plan on sticking to the no contact rule for myself and also to see if it pulls any feelings out of her she may still have, any replies would be awesome i love enotalone!!! Thanks!!

[PRSOV]

Hi there niceguy and welcome to eNotalone,

 

You may want to edit your post into paragraphs so it is much more readable...

[RandomAdvisor]

I agree with editing the post into paragraphs to make it more readable. That being said, I did manage to read the whole thing.

 

Here is my advice to you: change your phone number and e-mail address immediately.

 

You did something very foolish that I hope you will not do again: you got involved emotionally with someone you could not have a relationship with, someone who lived on the other side of the country. These long distance eRelationships never end well, and I'm sorry to say the general outline of your story is not rare at all.

 

You are right. She is using you for emotional support until she finds someone new. She likes the attention you give her because it makes her feel good, which is why she started calling you after you stopped calling. She wanted to suck you back in again and she did.

 

After this whole whirlwind experience I think you have a good handle on things. All that is left is to get a hold of your emotions and prevent her from contacting you again (by changing your # and e-mail address) at the same time you resist the temptation to contact her. You are SO much better off without her.

[NCTuskie]

I know how you feel. I went from being engaged to being just friends practically overnight. It sucks, and you're not the only one going through this experience.

 

I've met people online, and once got burned really bad... talked and "dated" for about four months before we finally met. And I agree with Someguy, don't get involved with somebody that you cannot be in a relationship with. I'll even take it a step further and say don't get involved with somebody you cannot physically be with several times a week.

 

I will say that I have met ladies online, but only once have I carried on something with somebody I've never met face to face for so long. And I got burned, and crushed really bad. So as a rule I try to make a face-to-face meeting within two weeks or so (on top of that I only try to meet local people). But nowadays I don't try to pick up people online anymore. That even goes for IM... if I have something to say to somebody I'll just pick up the phone.

 

Continue NC... Out of sight, out of mind, give up the net for a while if you have to. I was in your shoes with someone long distance (not to the point of marriage), and I felt that was easier to deal with than somebody who is in your face all the time.

 

Hope this helps

[niceguy79]

Hey guys i appreciate the advice, its like the most ridiculous story, but i do love and care about this girl alot and would love to see her again. I do agree with all of you she is far away, and obviously not true in relationships. I find myself saying that even if i did see her again the cycle would continue til i was physically there all the time. Im just wondering how she will react when i pull away and dont answer calls because we have been talking for a year now and ive never turned my back on her so i dont know how she will react to the no contact.

[niceguy79]

Uggh Im such an idiot, i should have listened to everything i have read on here and the people who replied. I went seven days with NC and she called everyday, which I ignored her asking me to call her back. I was doing soooo good then she calls and leaves a message saying "We need to talk" I ignored it at first then i gave in and called her and asked her what she wanted to talk about, she said "I would like to hang out with you as friends" and i said i couldnt because im not friend capable right now oh what to do........any replies would be great thanks.

[RandomAdvisor]

I already told you what you should do: change your phone number. It may create some other problems for you but it is the best possible thing for you.

[niceguy79]

I have an update on my story and all i can say is "someguy you were right" I guess looking back all i was doing the no contact for was to get her back and not heal for myself.

 

When she contacted me and we began to talk again, she stated that she did want to hang out as "friends" and of course you all know what i am trying to do and thats get back with her. Im just curious why she would really want me to fly out there and "hang out" with her it doesn't make sense to me.

 

So anyways i granted her request and set up dates with her to hang out. We made plans to go camping together, baseball game, fair and other fun stuff that seemed too good to be true; all in all ive spent 500 dollars on airfare, etc. to see her again.

 

I was getting prepped to see her and excited about the whole thing when i get a voicemail saying: "when you come here ill still hang out with you, but i might be seeing someone" of course im enraged and we battled for a week. pretty much me saying to her "why would you say all this stuff now a week before im supposed to come?" Obviously she was having second thoughts and maybe she is making excuses now i dont know but I am breaking all ties with this girl and ending it for good she has walked all over me too much now and she will soon realize that she is losing a good guy that would obviously do anything for her.

[RandomAdvisor]

As soon as I read you were making plans to go and see her, I knew that she would be doing something to upset you or make you jealous - probably another guy involved. So obvious...she did it all to hurt you and you let her.

 

Do I really need to echo my advice again? You can pick up the phone RIGHT NOW and call your phone provider to have your number changed.

[Viper62382]

I highly agree^

[niceguy79]

I want to thank you all for your advice. I am curious though if anyone could tell me why someone would do that to another individual, when she said at one time she loved me and to make it sound like im going to go there and have a good time, and then she drops me like im fricking garbage. Just baffles me, i mean i wouldnt do that to my worst enemy, let alone someone ive been talking to for a year. Is it possible she met someone over a weekend and had no regard for the money i spent and the year weve been talking? I dunno i guess im looking for closure but i know i wont get it from her. Thanks

[Viper62382]

I cant explain to you why, but I can tell you my girl/fiance of 5 years did the same thing to me. 3 times. So dont try to understand, just try your best to knock it out of your head.

[niceguy79]

Well hey thanks viper glad to know im not the only one to go through this sorry to hear its happened to you too. Your right sometimes the questions we have are better off unanswered thanks for the reply and best of luck to both of us and all of us that are trying to understand why good people are left behind.

[Viper62382]

Remember, NC or what I like to call Silent Contact is for you and her. But more you, to help you heal, take a relax from the exhuastion that comes from trying to figure out where everything went wrong and getting them back. Really, trust me, if you cant do it now, you will get to the point where you will have no choice, and then it may be too late. So better now than later.

[niceguy79]

For those of you who have taken the time to read my post and those who have responded, I personally want to thank all of you. Update to this story is simple I have tried so many times to make peace with this woman, back-off, go away that it simply didnt work in any scenario, she didnt have the respect to let me go when I told her that at this time I cant be friends because she is in love with someone else and I am still in love with her! I asked her if we could go with the plans she made with me when she did come back after a week of no contact. She said that is fine but you have to get a hotel when you come here and I can only hang with you for a lil bit. Should I have done it? No I dont think so it would have given me closure but it may have brought back some feelings for her and then we would be back to square one where she is confused and stringing along two guys. I am sick and tired of the games and I told her today to change her number if she wants me out of her life after a heated argument and she did just that. I also told her that I would be changing my number also which I have. So there you have it she cant call me and I cant call her-----Game Over!

 

I know that my mind was telling me that I needed to do this I have to now convince my heart and I know it wont be easy I have a tough road ahead of me but I believe I will manage thanks for the support! The only way she can get in contact with me now is via E-mail or Mail which I dont see her online much at all anymore but Im sure she will drop a line who knows? All I want is for her to be happy in life and I know the year that I was in her life that I may have helped her grow and realize that you cant do what she has done to people and I hope that after time she will have fond memories of us I can only hope. I wish her the best and I will always love you in my heart AMY!!