Letters From our Ex's

[GreatGuy]

Don't rush into a relationship with her again. Just take your time and think things through.

 

Enjoy your trip away.

 

 

Totally!

 

Right now there are still some wounds left..i cannot denie this. Even the probability that she is still involved with that other person(or anyone elst)...you know pinches a bit. But what matters to me is keeping my head up high, being the best i can be, process things before i react (especially when it comes to her). Think before i speak.

 

I am being very carefull and critical of my motives, that is my decision core. That and the fact that i know that before we can all move forward we must really know what it feels like being under. I really hope never to forget this as dramatic as it was. I owe to me to grow fro this and be more than who I used to be.

 

Thanks Tigris.

 

ps: i am still in vt, having a lovely time..back tomorrow.

[GreatGuy]

been a while since i posted. But basically i didn't see her last weekend, nor this weekend coming up. In fact while a part of me finds good reasons to call her, another part feels that what for? i mean she is obviously on to the next thing. If my friendship mattered that much I am sure she would be pushing for it. But the excuse is that school as just started for her, and as for many prof, it is all about work, classes, getting into a solid routine. So tomorrow is saturday, i wanted to rent a car and head over to hers and pick up some thing. SHe was supposed to send it a week ago I presume she got too busy. Bottom line is that i shouldn't wait for her to get it to me in order for me to get it. I need to be more proactive and make things happen.

Such a delicate issue: Am i seeing her because i want to pick up my precritpion glasses, and other things she has, or is it so that i can see her?

 

Tough place to be...

[skyjuice]

Hi Great Guy.

 

Had not heard any news from you.

 

Did you see her while picking up your things?

 

What happen?

[GreatGuy]

Hi Great Guy.

 

Had not heard any news from you.

 

Did you see her while picking up your things?

 

What happen?

 

Hey you, well I didn't go...although i am a bit down this sat night. Had plenty of opportunities to go out and have some fun, but because i was a bit under the weather i chose to come home after a great session with "Bruce Springstein's backup singer, my boy Curtis King. Anyway we had a lot of fun, but as always after such a high, i come home and i am down...and lonely. Itch to call her then i am like wht da ?? Why would i do that?

 

So yeah i have decided to just go get my glasses myself, and maybe let her know that i might be in the area, and if she like she can meet me so i can pick up the dvd or the performance i did music for her(the same one she clearly didn't want me to go to..while she invited that other dude). If it wasn't for the fact that the DVD would be used on my Reel for business purposes ,and the fact that i worked so hard on the making of that performance, i doubt i would ask for it.

 

But i all just a down day....

[GreatGuy]

Today, i am coming to realize that this is indeed a great wonderfull gift we've been given. I couldn't be mad at my ex now...I am very much happy for her and the more i think about it i can see that if she could find the best person for her...have a family(adopt), a house ect...i would be pleased. I can see that this is a gift because the more they ignore us, the more space, the more time we get to spend with "us". I cannot think of a better gesture from them.

I think this is a sign of growth, of selflessness, of maturity and responsibilty, a matter of Love and loving yourself more. I now can contact her and be ok if i do or do not hear back from her. I do things just for my own sake, not for any games to get them back ect..

 

Last week was hard, but i am sooo greatfull for this awarness...

 

This is good.

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

It is good to hear that you are progressing.

[Tigris]

Well Done.

 

Continue this way and everything should be ok.

[amb1873]

I hope her and I can become friends eventually, but for now to have dinner isn't a great move. Maybe a quick lunch cool work. I do love my ex, but i love me alot alot too. I am only doing what is proper respect and honorable for me. I am coming along!

 

I liked this because as much as I love my ex and wish I could keep him in my life and be his friend (especially since it would be easier on our mutual friends) I have to look out for number one right now and be selfish and realize that I am the most important person in my life and if it's going to hurt me to hang out with him then why would I want to do that?!

[GreatGuy]

I liked this because as much as I love my ex and wish I could keep him in my life and be his friend (especially since it would be easier on our mutual friends) I have to look out for number one right now and be selfish and realize that I am the most important person in my life and if it's going to hurt me to hang out with him then why would I want to do that?!

 

 

Exactly, why? I think it is time we be realistic and begin to have some responsibilities in the decisions we make, and stop "sleep walking". It is all about choices: In good times and certainly in bad ones. Taking the easy road isn't the best move, but trying to really use this opportunity to grow from within is even better.

 

It will not be easy , for sure!

[GreatGuy]

Hey guys/gals here are some updates:

 

I saw my ex today(right after my dental visit). She called as i was about to get in the train to head in the city, it was nice seing her. we spoke for a minute, she brought me the dvd of the performance. we hugged and i left. We then texted to say how much it was nice to see one another.

But once i got to work, my colleague whose wife is a good friend of her told me If i knew that my ex was talking about moving in in with that Indian guy she met, and was talking marriage and moving in with him in ATL.

I was taken back for a second, i actually didn't think i was gonna be able to cope with it well. But now as i type here I am ok with it. In fact i wish her all the best, i hope she can be happy with him, i want her to be happy. I have loved her so much and I have invested so much in the relationship. I wouln't be me if i wished her bad things. I am sure that as I have loved her ...that it is possible i can love like that again....even more!

 

But for now I am very happy knowing that she can be happy and for the time being is happy in whatever she is involved in.

 

That's it. (oh, i am trying to summon the energy to watch the performance). But that too shall pass!

 

Thanks to everyone here for supporting me so much....thanks

[whoops]

Hey great guy - how confusing i read all your posts you went from strong to confused to strong to trying to convince yourself to a better place which is where you are now -

 

I am going through the same thing i want to hate my ex but i cant he was never malicious but just didnt know what he wanted and dragged me into his fantasy life and i finally faced reality and called it a day but decided we can do it mutally - of course i love him but it would never have worked his ma hated me and he said he wasnt ready for the next step which to be honest nor was i as he began to live in his own world using me for companionship etc I still feel very alone but i feel caring to wards him and i have seen him since physically once just for goodbye hug which was fine but he was very upset but only cuase he felt alone not cause he was loosing me.

 

So i ask you good guy how do you stop them entering your mind and how when you get to your 30's as i am do you feel stronger and better about yourself - i worry no one will like me intimately again or physically - of course i dont give out these signals but it is a fear and insecurity i have.

 

I would like your advice to be strong - i am taking it a day at a time but it gets really hard doing it on your own and my friends are all in couples so i cant speak them and they probably would say we told you so -

 

I want to stop caring and feeling for a bit - i nkow i am going to turn cold again it is already happening and i fear for my heart - does this make sense?

[GreatGuy]

whoops vbmenu_register("postmenu_1248843", true); , at least you know that i am human and going up and down with this. It is just funny like everytime i think i am getting better something comes up that make me think more. But the good thing so far is that after down moments, I tend to really GROW and Mature fast! I think that i am HEALING properly. This woman wasn's just anyone to me. I indeed invested so much then she did, but i didn't see or(or is it that i didn't want to see it). Now i am faced with the reality and just gladly piecing all the parts back together.

I can honestly say that i am doing the work on myself and healing well. My goodness inside is such that i cannot hate her, what i have received since meeting her is so much more than what i had previously expected. Howver that doesn't mean that i am not aware of the difficulty in not having her share my life anymore.

I AM SHARING MY LIFE WITH ME NOW. I am taking care of me and making sire this experience goes a long way, and that i never forget the lessons.

 

About your question, how do you stop them?? Well I don't think it is so much to thinking about how to stop them. Trust me if you are thinking about how to stop them from your mind, you are not ready to do that. It must be a gradual thing, you cannot force anything, your heart will let you know when it is time to let go. To stop caring for them is not the way either, I feel like my ex will always be in my heart, the part of her that i keep is good for me as I am sure she feels the same(even if she won't admit that).

 

You have to begin by taking care of you first, and really thinking about how some things benefit you. You loved them and if you truly did you will wish them all the best in the world. You can however choose what you want to accept in or not, you value yourself ,you give yourself the ability to cry, smile , be sad or happy.

That is what i think.

[GreatGuy]

Ok, i know what you will all say, but here me out:

 

She recently sent me this voice class specialising in classical Indian vocal technics, and for a good while i have been wanting to take a class like this to not only work on my voice, but also for the resources of such network. Could really come in handy for some of my projects. I really would like to take that class...the catch is that she is already enrolled in this class.

This made me think for a second about the benefits vs downside of me being in the same vicinity with her. I think that the news about her and the Indian guy moving in was just a reminder of an old wound that obviously hadn't healed. But now I can actually begin to care for that spot in me and nurse it more aggresivily. On the other hand i want to show to myself that i am moving on, that i can/and will be able to take the "big deal", "Myth" about her slowly and honestly just treat her like someone i knew before, but honestly jus focus on ME more even if we're in the same room. I think it can be a great opportunity to start reclaiming some of what i lost when i was with her and she left. I felt like she at the end by breaking it off had the upper hand. This way, my new found SELFWORTH, and SELF LOVE can set a new trend for me, so that i can have my heart begin to get used to life without or with her in site.

 

I am not willing to take the class to proove something to her or myself, but to show that i can do as i want, that if i like something that i will not turn away and remove myself because she is around. I feel like this class will be a great opportunity, for me and my business as well(as a producer).

 

I was gonna let her know by email that i was joining the class, but i wanted her to know this first hand. Please let me know what you think. Thanks folks!

[GreatGuy]

She called last night, we ended up speaking for a really longtime. I can see how she is really trying to avoid some things...and just keeps acting as if she is staying around. It is like she is going back and forth about some things....really familiar. But i am trying (very quietly) to let her know that i am onto her..

[GreatGuy]

To be honest i also believe that having that news happen the way it did...was freeing in a major sense. I like it shattered that lil part of me that had "hope" we would get back together. Now this wound has been opened to be healed for good. Even the thought of her with that person..them having a family ect....doesn't hurt as much. I believe the healing has begun.

 

This isn't to say that i will not have another down day/night LOLOLO!!!

[GreatGuy]

Letting GO!! Is the Key

 

LOL

[Tigris]

I know it's hard but you're doing the right thing.

 

Take care.

[GreatGuy]

I have been sooo busy folks, it has been so good for me. And plus I am getting much better..which isn't to say that i may not have a bad day here and there. But in all i am starting to feel good again. Here is the scoop:

 

I now have a class that i take with my ex once a week. I saw her last week and it was fine..we hugged and spoke a bit before class and then after class she had to run and catch her train back to the Island. Later that same night she spoke of hanging out or just collaborating soon. For the 1rst time i didn't really think about hooking up with her. To tell you the truth, when i saw her in class i notice this dark cloud around her...you know? it was weird. Many of my friends have said that about her and that it was like a black hole sucking life from me. I guess i was drawned to people in need of help(at least that is the word in therapy lol). Any way it was nice to see her and i guess i hope as time goes by it will be normal again between us. I just need to remain Focus and Strong !!

 

Next scoop: Tomorrow my first Ex is coming again (on business trip) and she asked to crash at my place. It was nice to see her last time (we hadn't seen each in 6 years). During her last visit we were able to really talk about our relationship and she said she was sorry for some of the miseries she put me through. It was nice. SHe is now involved with some other girl, who is really nice and I am happy for the 2 of them as they are speaking about starting a family together. But what was weird was that she tried last time to get me to come lie down with her...and said hmm i don;t think it would be fair to her ex. and also that i didn't want to messe up this nice start as friends between us.

I would like to continue on this path. One thing is that i know myself and I respect me right now.

 

Last scoop:

 

I have started working with this person who is really intriguing me in many ways. She is by far one special person, and her aura and smile and eyes are really amazing. We have now met twice, and i really would like to take it really really really slow with her and do things FOR ME for once. Not give in to hard and fast to the point where i loose myself. I do not want to speculate on anything else except that she is very nice and really good to be around. She is singing on one of my song, we met while i was helping her as she needed someone to record her vocals for this song she wrote for her sister's wedding(which went good btw).

 

Anyway we are meeting again next saturday. I am very glad to have met her. Funny thing is that she told me after i told her about me and my ex, that she had dealt with similar thing with her Ex who was Indian as well. We both laughed at each other. Anyway, i am not holding my breath, i am not expecting anything. I still cannot date right now.

 

But i can be myself!

[Tigris]

Well Done Great Guy!!!

 

\\

[GreatGuy]

LOl, thanks TIgris. Well don't jump yet since there is nothing going on..except that i think this girl is nice to be around. I haven't made any moves beside the work we are doing right at the moment. She wants to take me to eat the day we work as she promised to do that the first time we met. I think it would be too premature to read too much in this right now... There is nothing going on except that i like a lot of things already about her.

 

LOL

[Tigris]

Building a friendship first is the key.

 

Good luck.

[GreatGuy]

Thanks, i decided not to meet my first ex today. Her meetings yesterday went too long so we decided that we might meet for brunch today. But i am tired and i actually might want to chill today for me!

[skyjuice]

Hi Greatguy,

 

Good that you have come out from the sorrow. It is a beginning of a new friendship with this new girl. Take is slow.

[GreatGuy]

Thanks .....still some hard days ahead. I just think that this is a step in the right direction. Hopefully some day i will be able to love again, and fully be loved back.

[GreatGuy]

You are not gonna believe this but she just called, and i guess wants to fill me in as to what has been happening in her life. She doesn't know that i already knew what was going on and her plans to marry this indian guy and move in with him in Atlanta.

 

The only thing is do i let her know that it is not a surprise and I wish her the best, or do i let it go?

How do i act????