Hard Day

[Roxari]

Within a day or so, the ex leaves to go to Iraq for 7 months. I have so many mixed emotions. He is infantry so he will see combat there is no way around that and there is no way to sugar coat it.

 

I just recently lost another near and dear friend in Iraq. It is a miserable experience one I hope I never have to go through again. I do not want to stand beside the grave of someone I love and have to hear the sounds of a 21 gun salute and taps, I do not want to watch as their mother or wife or any other family member grieves unconsolably. Least of all I do not want to be that person that is standing there with so many "I wish I would have said ....."

 

Anyway. I have been thinking about what if. Being that I still love him dearly the thought of something happening to him makes me sick to my stomach and brings me to my knees if I think too hard. I want to be able to wish him well and say goodbye just in case it is the last time I ever speak to him.

 

Suggestions? Should I call him?

[Russo]

I know about the NC thing and all. But I think this situation absolutely does not call for NC. As a veteran of another conflict I'd say contact him. Don't bring up the relationship though.

 

Just say something along the lines of: "I'm worried for your safety. Please make it back home safe and sound. I will be thinking about you and praying for your safe return. Take care"

 

Iraq is no picknick. Wish him well. I'd say a prayer for him but unfortunately I have lost my faith in God.

 

Good luck with it, and I hope he'll come back okay.

[coollady1957]

I take it even though he is your EX that you are on speaking terms. Also since he is an ex are you still friends ? If so then I would say call him or ask to see him and give him your well wishes and bid your goodbyes, in whatever way feels appropriate and acceptable.

 

I fully understand the need to say your good byes, give hugs and well wishes to someone. My son's unit was deployed last July to Iraq. My son is Infantry and also Petroleum Supply and Transportation. Either way they are going to be in danger. The goodbyes were a nightmare. I did not want to let go of him when it was time for him to board the plane.

[AwdreeHpburn]

I echo what Russo said. Your well wishes are meant beyond the scope of your relationship. I say, get a message to him that you hope to he returns safely.

 

My sister's son will soon be deployed to Iraq as well. We are all on pins and needles. I feel for you, and him. I say a call or message would be more than OK here.

[Roxari]

I take it even though he is your EX that you are on speaking terms. Also since he is an ex are you still friends ? If so then I would say call him or ask to see him and give him your well wishes and bid your goodbyes, in whatever way feels appropriate and acceptable.

 

I fully understand the need to say your good byes, give hugs and well wishes to someone. My son's unit was deployed last July to Iraq. My son is Infantry and also Petroleum Supply and Transportation. Either way they are going to be in danger. The goodbyes were a nightmare. I did not want to let go of him when it was time for him to board the plane.

 

 

We have spoken a time or two since the breakup but that has been awhile. Friends? Not sure you can say that.

 

I know the situation warrants an attempt as he has attempted to call me a few times recently.

 

I am sure I will make the call I just need to get myself in the right frame of mind to do so.

 

When you could quite potentially be speaking to someone you care about for the last time you have to choose your words wisely.

[shorty20]

I am so sorry you're being put through these emotions! I know how you feel, my bf leaves in a week and I won't see him for over two years (if everything goes the way it's planned, which with the military things change on a daily basis) and he's also infantry. I think I find comfort in first of all knowing that they are trained to do these things... trained to be in combat, to be in Iraq... they're not blindly walking into this. On another note, i am a firm believer that if it's your time it's your time... I know you said you've been to a few funerals, but think about all the people that come back from Iraq! If something does happen, most of the guys in the military consider it a honor to die for his country... feel free to PM me anytime you want because I know I'll be going through the same thing and be a complete mess when his plane leaves next wednesday. Take care.

[coollady1957]

I know the situation warrants an attempt as he has attempted to call me a few times recently.

 

I am sure I will make the call I just need to get myself in the right frame of mind to do so.

 

When you could quite potentially be speaking to someone you care about for the last time you have to choose your words wisely.

 

 

Then once again I would say since he has tried to call you a few times lately, then by all means give him that call. I can agree with choosing your words. It is hard to say all that you want to get out at times like that.

 

Wish him well and let him know that you will be thinking of him.. Sorry you have to deal with the pain of him leaving and with the unknown happening where he is going to be. I just had to learn not to dwell and keep busy.

[coollady1957]

I have several support sites that I can give to either of you if you want them. The support sites are tailored for family, friends, spouses, GF's or BF"S of soldiers in any branch of the military.

 

It is just a matter of registering on the site and then navigating to the discussion and forum boards. Those sites were a great support for all those dealing with the deployment of loved ones. It was very comforting to talk to those going throught the same thing as myself.

[Roxari]

So I made the phone call. He sounded very stressed out. I told him that I wanted to call and wish him well and hoped that he was doing fine etc etc. He told me that he really wanted to talk to me but was in the middle of finishing packing and had so many things to take care of and wants to be able to talk to me without distractions. He asked if he could call me this evening. I told him that he is welcome to call me but not to state he would do so and not follow through. He chuckled and said, I will call you later silly.

 

Not waiting around for his call. If he calls, he calls. If not then, I made my effort and I am fine with that.

[Roxari]

I should have known he would play games. Damn it.

He called me at 1035. I answered the phone and told him that I was out and that I could not talk but if he gave me 30 minutes that I was leaving and going home. Of course 30 minutes turned into an hour because frankly I was having a good time and more people that I haven't seen in forever were showing up.

Anyway, at 1215, I left and came home. Only to find an e-mail from him stating that "I thought you said 30 minutes, I guess your watch is broken". When I checked my phone there was a text message as well as a voicemail. The text stated almost the same thing as the e-mail and the voicemail said "I tried to call you to have a conversation with you and you thought it was more important to go out partying with our friends than to have one last conversation with me before I leave."

What the hell was I thinking? Why did I think he could be a non selfish bas^$#*$ for just one moment.

Thank goodness for good friends and great drinks.

[shorty20]

well, I'm sorry to say this but I think he's right. He's leaving, and you did say 30 minutes. He followed through and called you back, and then you just left him hanging... and he's leaving to go to Iraq. If I were you I would try to make things right before he leaves, otherwise you'll have that hanging over your head until he comes home. Just a thought.

[Roxari]

Actually at the 30 minute mark I sent him a text message and said it would be a little while longer and was that okay because I knew it was getting late. He never responded.

 

He called me this morning at 4am.