lost male friend

[Caterina]

I have so few male friends and I can't really seem to pinpoint why. Maybe I'm too emotionally sensitive? Recently, I've been saddened to lose yet another male friend. Basically I guess I deserve it because of teh state of mind I was in. He was a great friend, altho I knew that he wouldn't be a good boyfriend for me. NOt that he wasn't a great person, but he had too many different views. Well, my bf broke up with me a while back and said a lot of hurtful things to me. In a weak moment, I wanted a man, any man, to make me feel as though I was lovable. I have always thought that this friend liked me so I told him I liked him and he said he was surprised but just thought that we were friends. NOw, things are so weird. We don't even talk anymore. He tried calling me once after that, but perhaps he feels too awkward. I regret it b/c he made me feel good about myself and was really a nice friend to me. I wish there was some way to remedy it...I've already said that I understand the friends only concept thing....I'm fine with that but he still doesn't ever contact me. I guess I should accept that he is no longer in my life...I didn't think that it would bother me this much...but it does. Any outside observers see things that I am blind to? Is there a way to remedy the situation or is it too late? I miss him and I really really t hink that I could use some male friends in my life.

[Ash]

There can very often be some tension between members of the opposite sex. Sometimes, the best way to hang onto friends in these situations is to generally avoid topics of conversation that involve just the two of you, meaning that perhaps it's best if you don't tell each other how much you like each other, the same way as you'd be unlikely to tell female friends how much you like them. Regardless of how you mean it, it can easily be interpreted in a different way.

 

I'd suggest doing the same (or trying to do the same) friendly things with him that you used to, and not try to get into your feelings about him when you're together. Don't try to apologize, or explain what you meant, but rather just see if you can let your earlier thoughts pass without further comment.

[sumguy]

Have you made it clear to him that what you said you only said because you were feeling unlovable? He might feel a little uncomfortable, I'd personally clear the air completely first, then try to re-establish the way things were.

 

But that's just me, I'm pro-talk everything =/