About To Break Nc!!! Help!!!

[mikeywins21]

Ok so it's been about 8 days NC by phone and 6 NC by IM. And she was the last one to write me an e-mail 5 days ago and I didn't respond. Now I know NC mean's NC but I have other friends I talk to online and stuff like that so I can't just not go on the computer but lately my ex has been leaving messages up saying things like "Going to the park in the morning, having the sweetest dreams........... ABOUT CHRIS TAKING ME TO CANCUN!!!"

 

That one was posted last night, then tonight I came home for lunch and there is another away message up that says "Exhausted and sunburned Talkin to Chris for a bit.. then bed.. leave some for the AM

I can't wait till Cancun!!!!!" Now I know all her friends, and there are only 3 guys I know named Chris that she knows and they all have g/f's So is she just doing this to make me jealous and try to get me to contact her. While we were dating sometimes I'd call her up and ask what her away message ment or I'd IM her and ask her what that comment ment.

 

 

So I don't know if that's what she's trying to get me to do or what. But who is this Chris guy. there's no way she can already have a b/f. It's only been 6 days since she wrote me and told me that "I just know we need to be finished for now" What do I do?????????? Remain NC or find out who this Chris guy is????? HELP!!!!!!!!!!

[mamy123]

Don't!! You're going to play right into her hands! Don't let her manipulate you, you're stronger than that!

[blindreepr]

remain NC, finding out who chris is will do nothing positive for you at all.

[Haven]

Definitely stick to NC. Remove her from your buddy list. Block her if you have to. Delete any emails that she sends you. Don't even stop to think about it, just do it.

[ShroomzGod]

I don't know guys I'd like to know what's going on. I haven't gone NC all the way and I feel better knowing what's going on, yeah I'm not fully over the girl and probably won't be until she is replaced but I still moved on with my life. On the other hand it does sound like she is messing with you so find out from another trustworthy source.

[Bethany]

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter who Chris is. All that matters is that she chose to end it with you and you should remain NC.

 

This what she has made you do, she has no rights anymore over you and you should act like you never read it because you have been FAR too busy out living your life and have not read any of her mails, you don't care who Chris is, etc. if you reply or try to find out who he is, then she will have you right where she wants you.... smug at the rise she has got out of you and by the balls.

[mikeywins21]

I know she's doing it just to get a rise out of me, she knows what makes me tick and who knows maybe it's driving her crazy that I haven't tried to contact her. One time I went 2 days without calling her back when I told her we needed a break. In fact it wasn't even 2 days it was a day and a half and she was trying to call me at work, I came home the next morning and there was a message saying "Hey I tried to call you at work but you either didn't hear the page or you were on break, anyway the reason I called was cuz I miss you, I'll talk to you later tho. I love you" I'm thinkin???????? uhhhhhhh didn't we both just say we needed a break. The girl seems starved for attation but I don't see why she's trying to put me threw this, she needs to grow up and just call me if she wants to talk to me.

 

 

Another time I went a few days with out IMing her or calling her and when I finally did she was like "Hey I'm surprised you didn't try to call me in a while" and I was like "I'm just giving you your space" and she just said "ooooohh ok" like really weird. Problem is I broke down last night and e-mailed OUR friend Chirs to see if it was him that was going to go to Cancun, I asked him if she knew who she was talking about. He hasn't read it yet, I sent it threw MySpace mail so I really hope I can find a way to take that off of there before he reads it. If anyone knows how please let me know. It would make my life very difficult if he read that and went to her about it. She would be very very pissed off that I'm checking up on her.

[iceman85]

Mikey I dont know if theres a way to get that message erased. I know how you feel about checking up on her. The thing is whats done is done, you have to see what happens from here, just hope it doesnt get back to her, although it probably will.

 

Like others said I think she is trying to get a rise out of you in a way, i'm sure she knows it would make you lose it if she was with another guy and I dont know why she would be that mean as to get a reaction from you.

 

I think my ex does the same thing, she tells me to look at her myspace because theirs new pictures and I refused until I got weak and did it today and they were of her and another guy who she claimed nothing was gonna happen with saying stuff about pre BJ position and stuff. It made me sick and shake for about 10 minutes but then I realized shes trashy and I dont want her if shes like that. Why is her going the wrong way bothering me so much, she wont be happy in the longrun.

 

So when I see her tomorrow I wont bring up any mention of what I saw because thats exactly what she wants me to do. She also tries to get a reaction out of me by saying she puked partying and stuff because she knows that I hated it when she was out partying and being wild with other guys. I've been cool so far and just responed with oh or ok. I think that surprises her because before I'd lose my cool and tell her that she was above that and how could she go and be so trashy.

 

Its gonna be weird seeing her tomorrow, be happy that your ex hasnt completley changed.

 

This thing with Chris, who knows if this is true or not. Even if it is true you just have to let it go, act like it doesnt phase you, because if you do she knows she still has that power over you. If you act like its not a big deal shes gonna start to wonder why its not, and if you have changed and dont care about her anymore.

 

Its so hard not to check away messages and all of their other stuff. If you do just dont talk to them about them, dont ask people about what it means. Take the hit that you got from it and just suck it up and do your best to forget about what you saw or read.

 

Your doing great with the NC, just be strong its really really hard especially since you love her so much. Keep going man we're all here for you

[mikeywins21]

thanks so much, honestly tho the whole Blocking her IM's today really really helped me alot. it's like out of site out of mind in my case, altho I still think about her, I don't think about the fact of "What's she doing?" or "Who's she with" stuff like that and most girls would say if there ex went Total NC they would be the one's thinking "What's he doing?" or "Has he found someone else?" so let her think that all she wants. My next move is to try and not go on MySpace so much, it tells everyone on your page the last time you've logged in. if she sees I'm on there everyday she's gonna start to think I have no life and I just spend all day online checking up on her.

[coooolsome]

Calm down. Stick with NC. Stop looking at her away messages. Its hard but I was in the same place you were at, analyzing every little thing, letting it all get to me and me breaking NC all the freakin time. Not until the last 7 months have I gotten it in my head that im not playing these stupid games and that I am way better off without her in my life.

 

You will keep killing yourself slowly if you keep this up. There are only 2 things that will help you get over her, time or another girl. Give it a lot of time and you will slowly get her out of your head.

 

I wont lie, I still love my ex, but I dont think about her all the time anymore. I feel great and realized how good of a person I am and know I will be fine. Plus, there are lots of girls that are attracted to me for some reason and I never realized that, that would happen.

[keefy1972]

Put up your own away message.

[mikeywins21]

I did put up some away messages, mostly making look like i was busy, like "work then the Gym then plans with Kenny then get my oil changed and maybe my window fixed. Leave some on here or give me a call' Ya know just make it look like I'm not sitting around here all day waiting for her to contact me. But I'm not gonna sit there and lie and make her jealous and tell her I'm talkin to some girl or something. I'm a little too old to play those games.

[mikeywins21]

I can't do this anymore, It's been 10 days NC. I know my ex and I know how stubborn she can be. If you don't call her she wont call you. Well I can't say that cuz she had called alot of her friends if she thinks they've lost touch for too long. But those are friends. She only talks to her ex's that call her.

 

 

I just don't see why she wont call, she kept telling me that this break up was just for now, that we both needed to work on our own lives out before we could be together, so if that's the case then why does it feel like she doesn't even think about me. Like those feelings are gone. I read one of those surveys she did last night on MySpace, it asked questions about "Do you miss someone right now" she put Nope, then it also said "Are you thinking of anyone right now" and she put No. So did she put that cuz she knows I look at that stuff or is she really thinking of me everyday like I am thinkin of her.

 

 

P.S. I didn't pry but I did find out that Chris is just a friend of her's. he's got a g/f and they are all mutual friends.

[andrew05151]

I'm sure she's thinking of you. She's probably not going to post something publicly that gives away her inner thoughts. I'm sure as soon as she read that question on the survey, she thought of you...and thinking of you may have hurt her, angered her, so she responded with the nope. It probably made her feel better to post that, knowing you'd read it.

 

That's my take, anyways. Those surveys are so stupid, anyways.

[madppiper]

I was in that same situation 3 months ago (was it really 3 months???)

We never truly broke up, but are on "a break" - I messed up first few weeks... but haven't called her since

 

she slowly began reaching out again though. Same will happen to you. Just don't you dare become impatient. If you want this to work, you must stick to the rules of NC. You'll: it gets better...

 

oh and start dating: helped me alot!!!

[mikeywins21]

Thanks alot guys, I don't want to make contact, I'm usually never this strong but this girl is worth it. I'll just go back to listening to The Cure alot and keep myself busy, maybe start going back to the Gym, it's been over a week now.

[iceman85]

Mikey your doing great, its really hard to stick with NC and thats why so many people break down. About your ex's myspace. DONT LOOK AT IT. Whatever you do DONT LOOK AT IT. I did yesterday and it wasnt good. My ex wanted me to look at it weeks ago and I told her I didnt really use it anymore. Well today when I was checking on it, I noticed she had a new picture and I just couldnt resist.

 

The new pictures were what she wanted me to see before. It was her with this guy who she said nothing would ever happen with. They were next to each other and it said like pre-bj position with all these comments about how she was just about to go down and stuff. Who knows if its all a joke or what but it made me start to shake and feel really awful. Luckily I was on the phone with this other girl I'm seeing so it didnt break me like it would have before.

 

It made me think though, why would she have wanted me to see that? I think she was trying to get a rise out of me, she still had me listed as #1 on her myspace which stunned me actually. She keeps saying shes doing great, wicked busy blah blah. I dont believe it because shes the type that holds in whatever is going on with her. I know she must think of me, and your ex must think about you, but shes not gonna openly say that.

 

Like andrew said, she saw that question and thought about you, I guarantee it. She put no because she doesnt want to look weak, she wants everything to seem rosy and happy with her life. She wants you to see that and snap, so she can justify breaking up with you. Cruel games I know, but some people feel the need to resort to them. The best action is inaction, so what if shes stubborn, if she truly wanted you that much she'd call you. 10 days is not a whole lot. Its gonna be awhile unfourtantley, the best thing I did for myself was see someone else. It really picked me up and made me know that other people can like me.

 

I'm seeing my ex today and in some ways I wish I wasnt. I dont want to spend a crappy night with her. If its good it will be good but she still wont be back. Im expecting to see a different person than what she was a few weeks ago when I last saw her. That saddens me because the new person is garbage. We'll just have to see how it goes, I have to lower my expectations to zero and thats hard to do. Although it was good standing up to her last night when she was doing her usual controlling * * * *.

 

Just keep doing what your doing Mikey, she wont forget about you, and if she needs that time to do whatever, then just let her, as hard as that may be, im sure shes expecting you to be talking to her and professing your love for her all the time and im sure its suprising her (and pleasing her) that your not. Women love a strong man and you are showing you are right now.

[mikeywins21]

WOW I wasn't expecting a reply like that one. You don't even know how good that makes me feel. It's funny your ex and mine are alot alike, My ex ALWAYS holds on to the past, she never forget's Even when we were dateing I could tell she wasn't completely over her ex b/f that was 2 guys before me, the one she was in a relationship with the longest. I asked her why she couldn't just get over him, I was like "I'm getting over my ex wife and we were married almost 3 years" and she was like "Yeah but he put me in debt $45,000 and I had to file for Bankruptcy, that's gonna be on my record for the next 7 years, everytime I try to apply for something and don't get it it's going to be a reminder of him"

 

So yeah I'm sure she does still think about me alot, I'm sure it is driving her crazy that I'm not calling her or IMing her and doing full NC. I would be surprised too if I was still #1 on her friends list, she dropped me down to #6, and even tho 4 of the people before me are girls and one guy is her cousin and #5 is just some friend of her's...it still kinda bugged me that she just dropped me down to 6. I mean she's still #1 on my list. So who knows, probably one of her g/f's told her "why don't you take him off of there, your not going out anymore"

 

Who knows but thanks for the advice, and I guess your right 10 days isn't really all that bad.

[mikeywins21]

Why all these games!!!????!!! So now I signed on to MySpace to check my mail from this girl I talk to alot as a friend and I notice that my ex did another survey on there. So I decided to check her page cuz I'm weak. It's hard enough not to call her or e-mail her and find out why she's just forgotten about me. Well about a week after she broke up with me she had droped me down to #6 on her Friends list, I kept her at #1 cuz I don't play games. Well finally today I dropped her down to #6, I thought it would only be fair since she did it to me and we never talk anymore. So this morning I hop on MySpace like I said and checked her page, I'm not on her top friends list at all, and she's got like 16 on her's. So I guess I took her off too. I just hate these stupid games. I mean she's obviously still thinkin about me. She obviously still checks my page still. What do I do. Should I be the bigger person here and just call her to find out why she's acting like a little kid????

[mikeca]

dont respond.she de-friends you, maybe you shouldnt've done anything on your own. shes fishing for responses to her actions, shes trying to make you call, but your mike, your stronger than that

[mikeywins21]

Na I'm not gonna call her, I mean after the way she's acting and stuff I think #1 she needs to grow up and #2 if she really is that upset that I don't call her anymore the way I used to when we were together then that's her problem, the phone works both ways.

[iceman85]

Dont give into her games, I hate game playing, I think that women who play games are stupid. Im always straightforward and wouldnt want it any other way. What a waste of time and energy to hide true feelings and to try and get a rise out of someone else. Your better than that Mikey, dont let her get you down as tough as it is. Dont pick up the phone and dont look at her page, your above all of that.

[keefy1972]

Too many games being played here. BTW...your away messages do not say or indicate you are having fun. That would be non-effective. Put up something like out on a date with a hot chick or something. You honestly think you can get a rise out of her with, "Gone with Kenny to get my oil changed".

[mikeywins21]

See the point of it is this, I am too old to play these kinda games, I'm gonna be 27 in the fall, I've already been married and divorced and in debt $26,000. SO to sit there and purposly try and make someone jealous is really not my thing. I mean I don't care if her away messages say stuff like going out with Chris or talkin to Eric or whatever the case may be. I know OUR frineds and I know damn well she's not dating anyone, all her guy friends have g/f's which is why she knows them in the first place. So for me to say I'm out with some hot chick is not going to help things. In fact she can't see my away messages anyway cuz I blocked her a few days ago. I am even thinking of keeping her at #2 on my friends list seeing as she took me off of her top friends completely. I'm not sayin it would show that I'm the better person here. But I don't hate her or anything and I do still care about her alot obviously so why not just keep her up there.

[Replaceme]

mikey - i am on day 12 of NC.

Its the friggin worst.

I feel like he and I are just playin games to see who lets go of their pride first.

Wait - on second thought - he broke up w/ me.

So maybe its just over.

anyway - I know how you feel about contacting them.

Stay strong - dont do it.