madppiper

yes, but also take the same story out of this perspective: both were willing to end it. (especially her dad...) they broke it off, called it the quits then shed some time over it and once it stopped hurting, they gave it another shot....

shes acting up... don't fall for it. And I'm being serious. You are still vulnerable, so there's no point to start a friendship right now. Tell her to respect your decision and walk your own way... if it's meant to be, you'll run into her again once it stopped hurting

Well, been a while, ain't it? Been living in the states for a week now and feeling great. I still miss her alot, though, but the distance helps me alot to move on. (got a date setup for tonight already - german accent sure helps - wooo!). Well, I switched my mobile number and didn't give her the new one for the time being in the states (6 months). It hurts as hell to go through these steps. But I know that I must move on, if I ever wanna be happy - which I do. Taking these steps, especially giving her the presents back, me leaving without saying goodbye, switching mobiles and so on, were the hardest thing for me to do, but in a way, I am glad that I took em. I feel like I am glad that there's nothing holding me back from the experience to come... so I wanted to thank you majord, for giving a good advice when needed. Thanks and to the rest of you folks: If Breaking up were easy - why would there be so many unhappy relationships? (Chemically speaking love is like a drug - you get high on endorphine while being in a relationship - the experience when breaking up is the same as to a drug addict - the loss of the hormones lets you act crazy - never forget about this)

argh... feeling really depressed right now, as I'm writing this. Well, she keeps playing games. Paid J another visit and I wasn't even in for longer than 30min, when my ex called her up and talked to her on the phone for 20 min, intentionally greeting everybody in the room except for me ... you know, I know it's a good thing she's pissed... at least I prefer it this way. As I am pissed as well. I think she's just pissed because I stopped making it easy on her and doesn't know how to react... Still, a part of me is feeling really down as of now. (don't worry, not down enough to call her). I will leave germany for half a year in pretty much 24 hours from now. I wish I could have left this place with having it all partially figured out - but this was her call. - and I am sick of being the one being nice all the time. I got off the phone with an old female friend of mine in the town I'm heading to. She'll give me shelter the first few days, before I find a place of my own. I hope she'll introduce me to some new girls - I broke of that V thingie on friday... she called, I didn't answer though. She was giving me headaches really anyhow, maybe one of you can cheer me up! Majord - you feeling me?

Well, we had a phone conversation last saturday night... it wasn't really long but I agreed on having another talk with her. We settled it to be on tuesday. We had several small phone calls until then. She called to postpone it a little, but repeatedly asked me to have it on tuesday at ~ 6 o'clock. She would be shopping most of the day, so in case she would be late, she would call... Tuesday came, she didn't call... and so at ~ 6.30 I decided to give her a call to see where she's at. I called her twice, with her not answering the phone. She then turned off her mobile phone altogether. I was mad, so by 7.30 I simply drove over to her house and laid the rest of her stuff (mainly the presents she had given to me) onto her porch. Was a good thing, now I don't have the need for speaking to her again... anyhow. I finally managed not thinking about her for a day. But then I met up with a good friend of hers (I have become friends with her as well, and we wanted to see each other before my departure to the states). It didn't take my ex long, to start sneaking up on us. She must have seen my car outside, because she knocked at the door, told J (our friend) that she wanted to pick up some food and bring her some too and that she refuses to come in with me being there. She left after 5min of crap talk. I was still in the kitchen while this was happening. J closed the door, came back into the kitchen and we went on with our talk. 5 min passed by and my ex began writing text messages to J. (she read those out aloud). She wrote something along the line of "Tell him that: you DON'T DENY PRESENTS AND CAN'T GIVE THEM BACK!" - we had a good laugh on it, but didn't really make it a topic in our conversation. A half an hour later, she returned with alot of food. She refused to come in again, and simply gave it to J hardly saying a thing and left... I figured this being really weird, but had a smile on my face. J rolled her eyes, as she returned into the kitchen and said: "what are we 12 now?". It was kinda hillarious. She offered me some of the food, I declined (wasn't hungry really), but as she did, she received another text message stating that she is not allowed to offer me any of the food, as "I CAN'T ACCEPT ANYTHING COMING FROM HER" and such I wouldn't be allowed to have any... All J said on this one was "I think that's enough...." - My ex was clearly making an * * * off herself. J told me, that my ex told her, that she hasn't been in the mood answering my phone calls on tuesday, but that it wasn't rightous of me to do such a thing. (I was scratching my head, while hearing this - I had every right in the world to behave in such a way). She also said, that we never settled on a specific time.... I was really enjoying this. As for 1: She can be mad all that she wants, I don't have to deal with her. 2: finally she is being the one bein rediculous (even in front of her friends) and 3: her reacting this way means, that I'm better off. She is mad for losing control over me and can't deal with me not participating in her games anylonger (she is used to have her ex boyfriends keep hanging around and being there for her, while she starts screwing other guys - i think giving me presents was the first step into that). I think it means she realizes that breaking up with me is not easy and is actually hurt and that is a sign to me, that I am doing excellent by sticking to my decision... it also means that I can probably move on with my life alot easier now. so: sticking to this routine: NC till I'm in the states... Thanks for the good advice, majord. This is finally getting interesting with me being in control!!!

well, thanks for the reply. Having a hangover here Maybe it's for the best afterall... I dunno...

wanna hear a funny story? she asked me why I won't stop thinking so much and just let it happen - I asked her the same thing when we broke up. So I gave her the same answer she gave me: "You and I can't help it" feeling really depressed. I thought I was through with this months ago... well, looks like her little present sent me back lightyears away....

a female friend of mine called me up ... she told me to give her another chance... WHAT THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? - I'm freaking drunk!

did that.... since we broke up... I swar I did that... *jacky's kicking in* Well, the sadest thing is... she didn't do nothing wrong. Except for breaking it up (heck - we never did break things up, did we?) . Sure she wasn't all easy, but you know. A part of me really loves her... soo much I couldn't screw V tonight - I hate myself for it. Oh well.. *sips on jacky*

Hey majord... well, I did what you said. Not sure if it was the right thing to do... partly yes... partly... well I drove over to her, after having called her twice. She didn't answer the phone... but on my way to her she called me back, asked what I was up to and I told her that I was coming to give her the present back. She refused , said she wasn't home and then we had an argument over it on the phone... I hang up stating that I would leave it up her porch... she called me another time 5 min later, asking if I was still nearby. She said she wanted to see me and that she would be back home any minute... I stayed. She came and I gave her the stuff back - she wouldn't accept it. Kept asking for a reason. Said this was very hurtful to her and that there was absolutely no reason for giving her the present back. (she was curious on who had screwed with my head) She said she meant something by it and didn't mean to do me any harm. I told her that I knew she was only trying to do a nice thing, but that she had to respect my wishes. I can't be her friend and hence I can't accept anything from her. She can't understand it, but still has to respect it. We kept talking it over and over in a loop... so I finally said goodbye, took the presents (put it in my trunk - said I won't touch it) and left... I returend a min later to tell her that I also didn't want her to be in touch with me until I was in the states - she says it wasn't up to her, but my own decision. I told her, she was wrong - it has always been her decision, but left that instance... I overheard her asking how it was still in her hands... well, kinda sad really... now I'm back on being depressed. V just left (she was waiting for me at home, when I arrived) - I couldn't cope with her today. I am on my third beer and will get myself a drink of something good any minute... thanks for all the good advice. I just hope I did the right thing...

I think you are totally right. I need to cut her off once and for all... You see: it's difficult for me, as a part of me wants her to be here with me. So you think it's a good idea, to give her the presents back? I talked to a friend of mine and he argued, that she may be onto something, but either way we'd have to take it really really slow. Giving her the stuff back would signal her the wrong things. Maybe it's better if I just stop answering her phone calls without telling. Afterall, only 2 more weeks and I'll be 5000 miles away. btw, did I mention, that she wanted to meet up again this weekend?

well, what can I say? - spent all night thinking about what to do and by now I've come close to driving over to her place and bringing her the presents back... it probably is a dumb idea, but I don't think I want them. I can't stay friends with her... so whats the presents for anyhow?

hmm... maybe I should just get my * * * back to her place and kiss her. That would at least break it off once and for all and put her in a bad position Ye - no good idea, I know... but her behaviour freaks me out. I as a dumpee got all the right to be left alone, so why not put her in position where she has to make up her mind once and for all?

Well, I figured I may as well start a thread of my own. Before I continue with my story and questions... lemme post all of what I've written before ( you can read it all with all the replies here -majord: your topic amazes me!) I shortened my posts a bit to make am fit together... here's the story (if you are already aware of my story - make a jump to the BREAK!): ------ We were actually having a great time. Everytime we met, we talked through nights. Even by the time we were close to the break-up it was like once we met, we were having the best time of our lives... and I know for a fact that she felt the same... But suddenly she began not wanting to see me as often any more, I got upset, made all the classic mistakes, turned into a wuss and finally we sat together and broke up. I packed my things I still had over at her apartement and left... Well, we haven't talked much since. I was heart-broken at first and she ignored me, until after a week or so, I began to give myself a kick in the *** and began to date other girls again. I have been quite successful with girls since (seeing 3 different girls at the moment - Ann-Kathrin, Kathi and Anja) and got many digits, so my spirit is actually up. But I do still think of her alot and ache to call her... Her best-friend actually began calling me alot after the break-up and while she was gone (luckily she studies at a university further away) I went out with her best-friend a few times... which is kinda awkward to me. (really, don't you think that's weird???) Anyhow, she began calling me again last week, while being back in town and I played it all cool. I wouldn't reply her text-messages right away and had her ask me out on a dinner 3 times before agreeing to it. I actually told her that I would rather talk to her on the phone first. Played like I was ther dumper and told her to slow down a little . And that worked out quite well. She finally began making up a false excuse for seeing me - she still had a freaking blanket of mine and some books I left (which I really don't care about). Well, anyhow. We went out on friday. Had a good time at a bar (actually the one we first met - I picked that one). Stayed there till I wanted to go, just to end up by her car with her giving me my blanket. She offered me to drive me to my parking lot - which was really silly, since it was only ~ 200m further away, but I accepted and we sat in her car on that parking lot for another hour listening to music, talking... until we called it a night. She made me promise to call her and write her an email and asked when we could see each other again. I told her that I was having a busy week, but that we could go out on Sunday. She agreed ... anyhow. I didn't call her on saturday, but went out with that Kathi girl. Then yesterday, on sunday, I wrote her a message telling her "I think we should go out. Get dressed - I am picking you up at 8" , which probably was a big mistake. She replied 3 hours later saying that she thought it was a bad idea, but that she would call me the following day because of the books she still got... I replied that I am fine with that decision and she has to know what she's doing. Then told her that the books aren't really important and that there was not hurry, I was sure we would meet again some time... I think I screwed up, even though I was doing the right things up to yesterdays message... do you guys have any idea on how to solve this situation? I miss her like crazy and know she's the one. Though I am successfully dating other girls, I can't forget about her... Advice needed urgently! ------ I have actually read up on this topic lately. (been browsing several websites, reading some books (can recommend your Dating" by David DeAngelo))Never had such problems with the girls I was before... as a matter of fact, I am usually pretty good with break-ups. I always tell my girlfriends that in case of a break-up, I'm not in for a friendship. Then I follow my own words pretty strictly. Wiping everything out of my memory, including numbers and such... but with her it's different... But anyhow. Glad to hear I didn't mess up entirely. You know, what really bumps me out is how she keeps doing these things: Enjoying our time and giving me the feeling she'd want to spend all night and day with me, then turning around entirely once we are separate... But I guess she might just be insecure herself. You know, she's still seeing an ex-boyfriend of her, which she has been with for 5 years before finally breaking up... I never had any doubts about her loyalty, though I propably should have. I actually encouraged her to see that nerd again. As said: besides myself being too needy by the end of the relationship, I thought everything went fine. Maybe she was having second thoughts bout that guy... who knows. (by any chance, I doubt I got to worry. Seen that guy yesterday night at a club - think he's finally getting over her) Also: I actually talk to her friend alot. (I only talk to her bout my ex infrequently - but letting her know who I am dating and such) You think I should stop that? Today I began to wonder if that did me any good. ------ As expected she didn't call in last night. But I actually didn't mind her not to. For some reason I am neither mad nor discouraged. I think everyday I am becoming better at living my own life and thats good. Actually, that Ann-Kathrin girl keeps flirting with me on a daily basis (she called me at work today), so that brightens the day a little. It's great to know I still got my mojo. ----- Well, still holding strong. It is weird. I still contantly think about her whenever I'm alone and often when I'm with other people. But wounds seem to heal a little. I am not going to break the new NC (even though last week, where we texted us on a daily basis and talked alot, felt soo good), since I was the one who messed up a little by pushing it all too far too quickly.... I should have rather stuck to my plans and played it cool a little further. After all, she is under time-pressure - she will head back to her university this sunday... So if she wants to lose all the things that remind her of me, she has to reach me somehow... hehe It's moments like that that really make me curious bout the future. Luckily I got alot to look forward to. Right now I keep myself busy with work and some dates on the weekends... and if I can make that last till august, I will be off to the states anyhow (living in germany right now). So good times coming up I suppose. Even though it IS indeed a big loss and I can still feel the pain on a daily basis, I am not tempted to make another move right now... A girl I used to date two years back wrote me a text today asking why I was acting strange towards her - not replying to her messages, hardly talking to her and such. I asked her out on a coffee this weekend, to make this straight again. It really is these kinda things that keep my mind of the loneliness one feels when staring at his own ceiling asking himself why good things always past soo quickly ... Don't worry, even though I sound a little emotional right there, that's not a state of mind. Probably just the friday-night feeling you get when you sit at home alone, lol... ---- Alright, I need another advice by you folks. I have actually gotten alot better the last few weeks. She hasn't called, as she said she would, but I think that thats just natural. Or at least nothing I should be concerned about. As a matter of fact, in my state of mind right now I don't feel the urge of being with her anymore, meaning that I could easily live on my own, but I still would be willing to give it all a second shot. Afterall: We did like each other alot and as far as I know, we both enjoyed every time we spent together.... including that date we had two (?) weeks ago. (I started my first post here by describing that evening me thinks) If you know my last call of help, where I asked if I was still in the goods, I just wanted to ask one more thing... Do you guys think I should call her some time this or next weekend? You know, just keep it short, hear how she is doing? Or do you think I should rather keep it all to myself again and let her take the next step? Afterall, last thing I heard was thats she was going to contact me about those freaking books... what do you think? --- Well, lemme try to explain my statement first before I give you all a tiny update on whats been going on in my life lately... You asked me whether or not I felt it was a good idea to make her want me back or manipulating her into a relationship that is doomed in first place because we didn't make it trhough a rough time... right? You see, the way I look at it, I am neither forcing her to do anything nor manipulating her into the relationship. As a matter of fact, right now I am uncertain whether or not I should even give it all another try... BUT, the reasons for which we broke up were no true reasons really. I was going through a rough time back then. I am a person who is used to being constantly under pressure, who is always doing something. I am a workaholic so to speak. I am quite self-confident and think I can handle life pretty well on my own. But throughout that period, I was basically doing nothing. My semester ended, had hardly anything to do, my friends all had to study for their exams or were gone in different cities(I attend a private university, so our schedule is alot different from public ones... we tend to have no time whatsoever throughout the semester, but hence finish alot earlier...), my job wasn't going to start till a month ago and thus I was depressed. I enjoy work. I honestly do. And so I had nothing better to do than to spend time with my gf... Well, turns out: Spending every single day together can be a real drag... you fight more often, minor things start bugging you (afterall, you have alot of sparetime to think...) and you tend to be upset... I sure was. And thus we called it a break. We never oficially broke up - we sat down, talked and made up some weird rules about neither of us contacting each other for a while, but that we won't date other people in the meanwhile and so on... really really really awkward, no? Lemme put it this way: after that, I decided that the best thing I could do to save the relationship was to do the exact opposite of what I'd normally do. Which helped me get back to normal... But to get back to your question (I tend to lose myself while writing), put it this way: I could not stand myself back then. The person she broke up with was a person I didn't even like. I was simply upset because of so many things... so in which way do i pretend anything, when I'm being back to normal now? Anyhow... She wrote a text today guys, asking how I was doing and how my job was. Also whether or not we could meet up tomorow - she still got my books. Right now I won't answer to that text. She deserves to be a little nervous on whether or not I even answer (even though, I can't hold it back really)... and I probably won't text her tomorow either. I am waaaaaaay to busy at my job, hehe... so I may text her on tuesday, saying how busy I am these days, but that we may meet up some other time. I will grant her to call me by weekend though oh and: yup: I definitely got my mojo back... ---- trust me... these steps I am taking are not at all easy for me. (even though I pretend them to be) Look: I messed up by being too friendly, making it all too easy ,being too needy. I am stronger than that and she has to learn that she can't play games whenever she feels like it. She said she'd call the following day, she left me waiting for 3 weeks. I will text her tomorow evening, probably... but if she really wants to stop playing games she will have to make sacrifices too. I am not neglecting her, nor am I trying to hurt her. But I am not willing to jump at the first wink she's giving. (at least not anymore I am) --- After reading your post I text her yesterday night. I was all nice and funny, but told her that I won't make it till weekend. She hasn't replied yet... maybe it was too early after all - gosh I hate that I never stick to my plans... ---- She text me on tuesday whether or not we could meet again some time - you know, to exchange the rest of what we still had of each other - I agreed to meet today (saturday). We were having some back and forth till then: she asked me where to meet - I proposed either on a coffee at her apartment or at a cafe I chose She declined the cafe, settled for a different one - I declined, just for the hack of it, proposed another she was pissed, said we WILL meet at the cafe she had chosen - i didn't reply, so she called me up and I proposed an entirely different cafe, which she agreed upon. It was really awkward really - but I didn't want her to have any control over the situation any more (not because I am heartless, but really because I was getting sick and tired of her bs - also: I have come to sense and am well off these days, so I wouldn't let her be so pushy and demanding) . She did however also demand her mobile phone back - which pissed me off hard time, since I was depending on it a little and had asked her not to (I was offering to buy her a new one, which she declined, so I had to run and buy a new one myself- yikes) And so we met. I was really surprised to see her. Instead of the last time we met, she looked terrible - not literarly, of course. She still is a beautiful woman and of course was still smiling and keeping up the masquerade- sometimes people can sense when another person is trying to pretend. This was one of those moments. Don't get me wrong: she was happy and smiling awfully lot - we were also having a great time, as always. But she seemed not so well. I noticed the little details on her. Pimples on her forehead (which she never had while being together), gained some pounds, not so well shaved legs - I caught a glimpse on those for a split second... It wasn't at all like the way she always displays herself. She wasn't that strong at all... It was... .... just sad, really... Anyhow. Even what she was saying sounded terrible. - as said, we were actually having a nice chat and were laughing alot, but she mentioned to me that she quit university and moves back to her family (she called it a time off, since that would be better for her - what a joke), her friends are partly moving away, partly wasting their lives on alcohol (not having jobs and all), her parents are into a divorce and such... I wish I could at least help her out a little. You know, before we met, I was going to say good-bye for good. I am better of without her these days, especially with me going abroad for a little while and all, but that really disturbed me... I am sad that she wouldn't allow me to be there for her, but feel that she'd need it bad. Anyhow... just letting you guys know. Dunno how to react... I probably won't call or text her still. But am a little curious on her next steps. (she keeps asking me on when I am quitting my job in frankfurt (I just signed another contract)... but it sounds to me like she's asking me to have more time...) weird stuff happening - aint it? ----- So she called me again on saturday evening, while I was out with a nice girl -her fish had just died and so we had gone to the pet-store to get a few new ones. She asked me on how I was doing and told me that she was packing her things as we talk... She is moving back to my town... She said she found a dvd of mine she wanted to give back to me... She asked when I was leaving to the states (like she cared...pff) and that she wanted to meet up with me again before I do... and thats exactly what bothers me: How can she possibly find so many things of mine around her house? Seriously!!! It's not like that I don't find myself enjoying the talk, or seeing her again... for some strange reason, I do after all these things (plus I find myself thinking about her on a daily basis) - BUT I also don't want to get into anything within the next 2 weeks, as i would be incredibly stupid if I was to get myself into s*** before leaving to a place 5000+ miles away for a 6month period, wouldn't I? The way I see it: she broke it off, not in a fair way anyhow (calling it a break... yeah right), and now she's just not giving me the amount of space I deserve... at least thats what I'm thinking... you see: her call messed me all up. Yeah, I miss her, and yeah, I'd kill to be back together with her... but at the same time, I am not getting myself played like that... got better options, why should I??? Well, just thought I'd let you know... not sure whether or not this rambling makes any sense to you at all... probably just me being pissed for acting all wussed-up ---- Alright, my story is becoming more and more difficult.... Here's the thing: another ex-girlfriend of mine (to simplify things, lets call her V.) began pushing herself back into my life weeks ago. I am not interested in her, but I did enjoy her company, as she kept me upbeat and off-the-topic... anyhow, we made out two nights ago... uhh... celebrating my ... uhh... birthday - I think. Weird thing is: While doing, I couldn't stop thinking bout my other ex-girlfriend, the one I wish getting back together with. So I wasn't expecting anything from V on my birthday - spend most of my day wondering about why I couldn't enjoy the situation the night before as I should have... and thats when SHE called. We had a long phone call, catching up on things... She told me that she prepared a present for me and wanted us to see each other. I agreed on having her come over this saturday. Seriously, now. Why the hack don't I ever get what that girl wants from me? I mean, does she like me now, or want to stay separate for good? Because she knows my rule, that I can't stay friend with ex-gfs... thats something I never do - and thinking about the way I am treating the other one, I am probably right by sticking to that rule - to be honest, I don't think I'm being fair to the other ex, as I am certainly not over THE girl. Anyhow, I should be happy about how well, my life is going these days - being successful with women and all... but it really troubles me, that I can't be with that girl I love... A tough question for you: Should I give it all another go, probably ruining my self-respect and the things I got going with other girls? How would anybody interpret my exes behaviour? --- BREAK!!!! And lemme continue here: We didn't meet on saturday. She got cold feet and called it off a few minutes before the date, saying she wanted to see me on tuesday. I wasn't mad or anything at her - we still had a good phonecall and I went out with a good good friend of mine (by the name of Nadine - somebody my ex has always disliked for some reason). She called me up while I was there, saying that her plans changed all of a sudden and that she wanted to see me now - I refused, said I was with nadine and hang up. Later that day I called her back, however, saying that I just got back home and that she could come over if she wanted to... she declined, but said she may have time on sunday... Sunday past by - no sign of her wanting to meet up. So I went out with V again yesterday and we... well... lets just say we had a good time. The weird thing is, however, that I had to wash myself a couple of times yesterday evening. I couldn't stand her smell on me... THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE!!! And I personally feel disgusted by myself today... Anyhow, I met up with my ex (not V) today. And got my presents. She had alot prepared, plus she told me, that there was another one coming, but she couldn't finish it (it's handmade), as she is still moving in. Overall, the meeting was weird though... for the first time since we've broken up. Something disturbed me and I was depressed - not that I'd let her know, however. I left after an hour and a half. She had to see somebody else the evening anyhow (she told me so, 20 minutes into our date - I didn't want her to kick me out - so I went early). For some reason she also offered me her old mp3 player - somethign that should accompany myself on my trip to the states.... I refused... I left and she said, she had the present finished this week, so we could meet up again... I got mad on my drive home. For some reason it hurt me to be at her place.... it hurt bad... Anyhow. Here comes the part where I want to ask some questions to the public: What the heck is my ex doing? She knows I can't stay friends. I don't want to... or actually... I know I can't. Still: After all her weeks of trying to get her stuff back from me, she is now offering me new? Also: What does she expect from me? To be honest, not a single day has passed, where I haven't thought of her... but I am not the problem... she is... I know I probably should get rid of her number right now (something I should have done long time ago) and go straight NC. But my mind keeps telling me, that her act means she is trying to get back closer to me... I am seriously lost Any advice wanted!!! Urgently... (majord ? )

I was in that same situation 3 months ago (was it really 3 months???) We never truly broke up, but are on "a break" - I messed up first few weeks... but haven't called her since she slowly began reaching out again though. Same will happen to you. Just don't you dare become impatient. If you want this to work, you must stick to the rules of NC. You'll: it gets better... oh and start dating: helped me alot!!!