freeindeed Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 I've been dating a guy for a few weeks now....he's really sweet and gentlemanly...but he doesn't talk! I'll ask him questions and he'll answer with a short answer...but doesn't really bounce anything back or ask me questions. We've had moments where there's complete silence and I'll have to think of something to say...which will usually be a question, which he'll answer with a short answer...and it's back to silence again. It's getting kinda frustrating. Especially because I have met a girl (who's known him for a while) and when I mentioned that he's very quiet, she looked at me weird and said "are you kidding, I can't get him to shut up sometimes". I've never had that experience with him so far. Is there something wrong with him? Am I doing something wrong? Could it be our age difference (he's 20 and I'm 26)? How can I change things? He has soooo many qualities that I like... I'd hate to "move on" without knowing if he'll eventually open up to me or not. Link to comment
lara78 Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 well not to put a completely different spin on things, but dont you think he's a bit young for you? There's a big difference between a 26 year old woman and a 20 year old guy who is just out of his teens...He might be a great guy...but he's got a lot of growing up left in him. Do you think maybe he is a bit intimadated by you, you being the older woman and all? Perhaps he thinks anything he says will sound dumb to you and would just prefer you to be the conversational leader since you are older? Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Too young?? huh? Maybe he's just the kind of guy who sits back and soaks stuff in for the first while. Like the bad poker player at the table who's really only playing badly to learn everyone else's behaviours?? Link to comment
Haven Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 He could be shy around you because he's scared of saying something wrong and sounding like an idiot. Or he could not be as comfortable around you. You could try making observations or saying something funny instead of asking him a question. Also, telling him about something funny that happened to you could be another way to start a conversation. You should definitely try to make him feel more comfortable with saying things around you. Link to comment
coollady1957 Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Since it has only been a few weeks so far, maybe he is kind of in the mode of getting to know you. It is possible that he doesn't just yet know what to talk to you about, or doesn't want to seem to asking the "20 questions" game too much. I do not think that the age difference would have much to do with it. I might be wrong, but I really don't think so unless he is quite immature and inexperienced for his age. My son is 20, but quite mature for his age and had to grow up fast due to life circumstances. He dates and gets along quite well with women and seems to never be at a loss for words. He dates women anywhere from his age ( 20 ) up to around age 25, and he seems to be able to hold his own with the conversation with any of them. Maybe it is just this guys personality style to be laid back and more reserved until he gets to know you . It would really be hard to say unless you give it a bit longer to see if he opens up a bit with the conversation. What kind of dates have you two been on, or have you just been hanging out casually? Link to comment
Magic_star829 Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Hey, Well I had the same problem with the guy I am dating now...he is also 20, I am turning 21 soon, so I am older(not that much tho lol) But anyway, he was always quiet, I felt frustrated as well because I had to always come up with topics, and questions and I felt like he didn't care because he wasn't asking me anything....but with time he DID open up, now I think I am the shy one haha, he's pretty open, very honest, and as we spend more and more time he talks more and more....he is a shy guy so it took him some time I guess....so I think you should give him a chance, specially since he has all those good qualities, I mean it's not everyday that you find that right Good luck. Link to comment
Yvette84 Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 This has happened to me SOOOOO many times! it is VERY frustrating! and the guys I was with NEVER changed or opened up!!! if he's more talkative with other people, then maybe your just not that compatible. chemistry is a big thing to look for. I dunno, I say stick it out a little longer or do what I did. talk to him about it!!!! I know it sounds like a weird thing to talk about but it should make him think, and maybe then he will relaize and open up to you. If not. then you won't be happy having to "interview" him all the time. communication is #1 and you will not be happy if it doesn't improve! trust me. I' have been there, and it sux when there are alot of other good qualities too Good luck!!!!! Link to comment
brotherhood Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Give it some time, did you know him before you started dating a few weeks ago? Chances are he's shy... I'm the same way. I tend to keep my mouth shut when I first meet someone I like because I fear saying something stupid or sounding like an idiot. My best advice is to make him feel comfortable, the closer you get the more he'll let his guard down and open up. Also, don't stop asking questions! When you stop he may take it as you be disinterested and just make things worse. Nothing wrong with 6 years of age difference... Link to comment
freeindeed Posted July 11, 2006 Author Share Posted July 11, 2006 I'll definitely keep asking him questions... I really think there's a lot of potential and I think you're right, he's shy. But it makes me wonder, why doesn't he ask me questions? You can't really sound stupid asking a question, unless it's really "out there", and it shows interest. I feel like he's not interested in me because he doesn't ask anything! Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 I can see where you'd feel that way. I would too. But since you ARE are more talkative, maybe any questions he's had have already been answered by you. Since you're not opposed to asking questions of him, why not ask him why he nevers asks about you? Link to comment
Luke Skywalker Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 How is the kino-touch component? Do you guys like, hug, kiss, cuddle, or do all that type of stuff? Link to comment
freeindeed Posted July 11, 2006 Author Share Posted July 11, 2006 I can see where you'd feel that way. I would too. But since you ARE are more talkative, maybe any questions he's had have already been answered by you. Since you're not opposed to asking questions of him, why not ask him why he nevers asks about you? Do you think that it might make him uncomfortable if I asked him that? I don't want to make him feel stupid...but I WOULD like to know. I mean, if you're sincerely interested in someone wouldn't you want to get to KNOW them better, and there's only one way to do that. Link to comment
freeindeed Posted July 11, 2006 Author Share Posted July 11, 2006 How is the kino-touch component? Do you guys like, hug, kiss, cuddle, or do all that type of stuff? What's the Kino-Touch Component? We've only hung out a few times, and it's always been with friends, so we haven't really been intimate...in public or private. But what I love about this relationship is that I don't think he likes me just for my physical (which it seems like all my relationships have been about lately)...and so I don't want to turn this into one. Link to comment
Markers Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 What's the Kino-Touch Component? it's a way of making dating seem even more complicated, a weird way of asking "do you touch eachother?" which you did answer. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now