jabele Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 ...I've been trying to comfort my best friend (a male) who just got dumped by his girlfriend. They had a really good relationship until the day she ended it. Apparently she had doubts that were building for months that she never spoke of and then she felt she had to act. He's totally devestated and I try to be there for him as much as humanly possible. However, I feel I'm running out of comforting things to say. I want to use this forum as a place to leave me suggestions and/or phrases I could use when I feel its awkward...because it often does feel awkward. Thanks you guys Link to comment
brando Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 just listen...and when they keep going on and on, pretend to listen, because after the hundreth time of them telling you all the angles of the breakup and the relationship, their really isn't much to say to comfort them. and be sure to replenish yourself by goin out with other friends... Link to comment
matt77uk Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 what is it that makes you feel awkward? short of letting him no there was nothing he could have done and that obvioulsy in the end they wernt right for eachother im not too sure theres much else you can do. Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 hmmmmm.....I don't have a catchy chin up sort of phrase but maybe you could find some "normal" things to do to keep his mind occupied on other than his break up. I mean at some point you're going to have to be the one who says, "OK, get up, let's go out." And when he talks about her and you've said your "I'm so sorry's" and what not, you'll have to bring him back to "OK - let's play some billiards" or darts or whatever.... Occupy his mind with other things. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Ask him to join in fun things. Boost his spirits. Be normal, make jokes. Don't become the 'oh poor baby' sympathizer who listens to him drone on and on. He's a male friend, he's vulnerable, so too much attention from you could bring unwanted trouble. Just be normal and remember him. No special treatment. If he gets to be too much - tell him so. Or leave and see him later. Make sure he goes out with other friends too. Or at least encourage it. Link to comment
bobo85 Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 when i was dumped...i liked it when my friends talked about it with me. I gave them my view and they told me their view. But after talking about it 5 million times it gets old. Thats when you just have to get up...and stop obsessing over things you cannot control. He may not feel like it but take him and hang out with mutual friends so he knows he has people who love him around. He feels lonely right now and he needs to be re-assured that there are still people who love him and that his ex was not the right one for him..or else the breakup would not have happened. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Ask him to join in fun things. Boost his spirits. Be normal, make jokes. Don't become the 'oh poor baby' sympathizer who listens to him drone on and on. He's a male friend, he's vulnerable, so too much attention from you could bring unwanted trouble. Just be normal and remember him. No special treatment. If he gets to be too much - tell him so. Or leave and see him later. Make sure he goes out with other friends too. Or at least encourage it. I agree! especially with the too much attention part. if you are too nice to him, he'll set his sights on you! (unless that is what you want... but he's damaged right now, not the best time to start a relationship). take him out to a movie, some action flick he'd like to see. go get some coffee with him, offer to set him up with some of your single female frineds... Link to comment
now_better Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 the art of a great listener is sometimes to just listen. i was in your friend's shoes a little over a month ago and all i wanted to do was for people to listen to me, and for them to answer silly questions i had. i had a friend who i talked to on the last day i saw my ex (before i basically said good bye) and my friend said to me that day "don't talk about her, there's nothing to say". it's like what?! what kind of friend are you? the best thing to do is to not tell your friend how to feel or what to say. i could see you saying that if he's been talking about it endlessly for days on end, but everybody needs to some time to vent. Link to comment
jabele Posted July 10, 2006 Author Share Posted July 10, 2006 Thanks you guys! Yeah, I spoke to him yesterday for like 2 hours and it was really really hard. I hate getting off the phone with him because I feel really bad...and he keeps talking...but, at the same time, I have to live my own life too. I just feel really down every time I talk to him because hes so ridiculously depressed. I really hope he goes and gets a therapist, but he said his insurance can only cover 6 of them. Damn insurance... Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 can he join some sort of support group? Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 sorry about that~ Link to comment
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